One friend read my post "Sex On Sunday" yesterday and commented, "Well, he needs to be helping around the house and with the baby if he wants sexual fulfillment from his wife." I use to think like that. "I will do my part in the marriage, IF he lives up to his part."
I think that is why most marriage books I use to read didn't help. They tell you how the husband should act and how the wife should act. I would look at the way the husband was suppose to act and think how short Ken fell from treating me the way the book said he should treat me. I was always upset with him for not fulfilling his part of the relationship.
Debi Pearl's book spoke directly to me because when we stand before our Maker, He's not going to accept excuses for my behavior because of Ken. I am responsible for my behavior, not Ken's behavior. He's just going to ask me how I fulfilled my part in being a wife.
Life is so much more pleasant and enjoyable when you aren't always thinking about yourself and how other people are treating you...being offended easily and placing expectations on others. Instead, you are focused on serving and loving other people and doing what God commands you to do.
A good exercise for you to do would be to make a list of all the things your husband does that bothers you. Now make a list next to it of how you react to those things....pout, give the silent treatment, nag, manipulate, withhold sex, yell, etc. Ask yourself, "Now who, exactly, is in the wrong?" Start pointing the finger once in awhile at yourself instead of always pointing it at him.
And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.