Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Can A Wife Help Keep A Husband From Cheating?


Many wives suffer the devastation of their husbands' having an affair.  Some men are like Judas, just plain evil.  These men will have affairs whether or not their wives are amazing wives.  Most men, however, are like Peter, they make mistakes.  Now granted, having an affair is a big, ugly mistake but can wives somehow do something to prevent affairs?

From what I have experienced, many husbands are neglected once their wives have babies.  Their babies are everything to the mothers.  Being a mother takes precedence over being a wife.  When their husbands come home, they are so tired from caring for children, they just want to be left alone.

Men are seldom driven to a mistress because of sex passions. It's usually her ability to fill an emotional need, making him feel appreciated and important.  Men's greatest need is to be respected and if they are not getting it at home, the temptation to get it out of the home will be great.

Yes, a man is wrong to have an affair no matter how neglected he feels.  When he stands before God and has to give account for his actions, he will not be able to blame his wife for any of his sins.  However, I prefer to think that there are things I can do to help prevent an affair.  I think this gives wives power to think they can help keep their husbands happy at home.

If he has a joyful, fun, gentle, submissive wife who loves pleasing him and giving him sex, I doubt many men would jeopardize this relationship with an affair.  Even if you have a strong believer for a Christian, you should never take that for granted and treat him however you want, thinking he will remain faithful to you.

Cristina commented on my facebook page when I posed this question to my readers.  She wrote, "Well, it's kind of like food.  If a man is well nourished body, soul, and spirit, he usually has no reason to seek someone else.  If he does, despite being well cared for, then its entirely his blame and sin.  But if he is not well nourished, then he becomes vulnerable and it takes an extremely disciplined, enduring, and God fearing man to do what's right and resist temptation."

Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, 
so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, 
and come together again so that Satan 
will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
I Corinthians 7:5

Comments (11)

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Melissa M. · 605 weeks ago

Amen!
When we neglect ourselves, we neglect the other half of ourselves. It's like tending a garden - we cannot neglect it and get used to the beauty within it:) Your post is a tender, wonderful reminder to love our husbands!
Whenever I read your posts that talk about pleasing your husband, I always wonder about your phrase "giving your husband sex." I just don't normally hear it put that way. Is there a particular reason you word it that way, as opposed to "having sex"? I'm just curious :)
4 replies · active 605 weeks ago
I am thinking sex as being something we give our husbands since most enjoy it so much. I have not ever pondered why I state it that way, Courtney, to tell you the truth. So many women withhold sex from their husbands so the opposite of withhold is to give.
That makes sense, when you think of it as to give versus withhold. I agree that withholding sex is a bad idea. I guess the reason the phrase always gives me pause is it makes me think of sex like I would think of a foot rub or a back massage. I might love giving my husband foot rubs every day because they make him happy, but I would still think of it more as an act of service on my part, rather than a mutual experience. I just prefer to think of sex as something that is just as much for me as it is for him. I was going to venture to say that I think most men would like to know their wives enjoy sex and want it as much as they do. But the more I think about it, I'm not so sure. What do you think? Do most men want their wives to enjoy sex as much as they do? Or would most men rather feel like their wives were serving them when it comes to sex? I think I could understand both ways, so now I'm honestly curious what others would say :)
From my almost 55 years of living, one thing is crystal clear to me...Most men want sex A LOT more than women. Their testosterone levels are 250 to 750 while women's is 25 to 75. Most men think about it a lot more than women. Women go through so many hormonal changes that affect their desire. It hurts some women and a lot of women don't enjoy it. Even so, I always encourage women to continue to give their husbands sex since they love it so much. It's great when the wife likes it just as much but usually they just don't...periods, PMS, childbirth, menopause, etc. Most men, I'm sure, would love to know their wives love it as much as they do but our libido just isn't as strong as theirs. Through my years of illness, many times I am not in the mood but I enjoy pleasing my husband since I know he enjoys it so much. He appreciates me so much for this and we are both fine with it! I love to tell young women to really enjoy it when they are young and their libido is higher, especially when they are ovulating! :)
That makes sense too. I can see how different seasons in life and challenges can change the dynamic of intimacy. The reason this is something that I've been thinking about so much is because of my own experience. In our first year or two of marriage, I did think of sex as something I gave, and for me, viewing it that way was very exhausting. When I finally began to think of it as something for me too, and let myself stop thinking so much about pleasing my husband and more about having fun myself, the change was night and day. We're both so much happier with our sex life now :) I'll definitely enjoy it while it lasts and hope that it will last a long time! But again, I do see what you mean about there being times in life where the desire isn't there.
I think that any loving Godly husband (as mine is, praise God) would understand if his wife was unable to come together with him for any reason! I also think that a man’s decisions are exactly that: his - and if they include sin then that is his sin not his wife's! We all have to stand before God in the end and I believe we will answer for our own wrongs not each other’s! The Bible clearly teaches that we are all to live a self-controlled life. It is our own responsibility to live the fruit of the Spirit! - Jilly
Thank you for this post! I strive to be joyful, fun, gentle, submissive. But what's fun for me--reading--is not necessarily fun for other people. Or should I pray for a husband who has the same idea of fun?
1 reply · active 249 weeks ago
No, Joyce. Do whatever your husband wants to do. Adapt your life to his and you will eventually find that what is fun for him is fun for you.

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