Most women, when they hear about submission, respond with, "Well, I sure don't want to be a doormat!" One of my readers recently wrote this on one of my posts ~
"Doormats serve a very specific and even edifying purpose, do they not? What if the doormat said, 'I don't want to be a doormat anymore' in a grumbling, complaining attitude? Then what would the floors of the house look like? All manner of dirt and filth from the outside world would be spread throughout our homes. But if the doormat takes pride in serving the home, filtering it of all the junk that would otherwise enter that home, then I say, 'God, would you allow me to count it a privilege to be a doormat for my home? Can I serve my husband so that before he enters his castle, he can swipe his shoes of all the outside mess he's stepped in all day? Would you let me count it a privilege to be that good man's doormat?"
Where in Scripture does it say to not be a doormat? This is what the Bible says about the God of the universe whom we are to model our lives after ~
Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bondservant, and being made in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
Philippians 2:5-9
We are so selfish, always protecting ourselves and our rights instead of becoming like Jesus, sacrificing our lives for others, and yes, even becoming a doormat for others. He is our example. Stop listening to the counsel of the unsaved or Christians who are not teaching God's Word. Listen to God's Word instead and model your life upon it.
God tells us the greatest of all is the servant of all. He calls us to be living sacrifices. {For all of you who are still concerned about physical abuse, NO, this does not include allowing physical abuse by a husband.} God left His throne in heaven to seek and save that which was lost, namely us. If He was a doormat for us, the least we can do is to be a happy, privileged doormat for our family.
Lisa · 587 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 587 weeks ago
Kathy · 587 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 587 weeks ago
Mbb · 587 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 587 weeks ago
shannon · 587 weeks ago
To the commenter above about emotional abuse, you hit it spot on. Without a word. Awhile ago I was trying very unsuccessfully to show some sin to someone. I thought I was being loving and tried to be very kind about it but this person's heart was just not ready. I kept pushing and bringing it up, albeit in a friendly matter but should have dropped it. Then I realized, do I think I am more powerful than the Holy Spirit? Of course not. I needed to let God handle it. I served even more and prayed even more. This was an eye opener and things improved quickly.
Mbb · 587 weeks ago
Gabby · 587 weeks ago
Gabby · 587 weeks ago
Ken · 587 weeks ago
You say below that "we have to listen to Jesus' message, which was about love," but you fail to give the whole of Christ's message as he often taught of suffering to win others to Christ, and suffering for His sake.
There are many of us who could have easily given up on our marriages in the name of "emotional abuse" or because we married a predominantly selfish spouse, but that is far from what God wants for most marriages. God uses marriage not just for our happiness, but to make us more like Him. Suffering, and giving of ourselves to another, even when they do not deserve it, is part of Christ living in and through the Believer.
Because the scriptures are silent on the issue of abuse in a marriage one must seek godly counsel from a pastor and perhaps a trained Christian professional. The Bible teaches love, and it teaches us to love others who are not loving in return. It is up to each person with the help of godly advisers to decide how to best approach any issue of abuse.
Our experience in counseling within marriages is that most often, what is viewed as "abuse" and "abusive" can be mitigated or eliminated by a loving and kind response. Wives who have come to Lori seeking help from what they thought were abusive husbands often changed their perspectives and in turn won their husbands over to changed behaviors and much love.
God's ways are not politically correct in that His love always places others above ourselves. Lori has made clear that physical abuse is not to be tolerated, but emotional abuse is far more difficult to pin down as much of the abuse can be in the eye of the beholder.
I have a friend who is regularly emotionally abused by his wife the past three years, yet he keeps trying to win her. She may have emotional attachment issues and other things that do not allow her to process things logically. Is he a better man for leaving her or for spending years, if that is what it takes to win her back to the wife she once was?
Better question... "what would Jesus do?" Can you tell me that Jesus would walk away from his vows "for better or for worse" just because he was going through a severely difficult time with his wife? The god-man who died for the sins of the whole world would seek his own interest over his wife's best interest? … His happiness over holding his family together?
the more we grow up in Christ the more we realize two things. The first is that no matter where we are in life, no matter who we married, no matter what job we have, it was all by His plan and design to make us more like Him; and coupled with that we understand that He will never give us more than we can handle.
So, do not now put words in my mouth too... If a spouse chooses to separate because of abuse, and they have sought godly counsel to do so, we are not opposed. If a spouse can endure emotional abuse with a purpose to ultimately win their spouse for Jesus, and regain the love of their life... we find this to be the higher road, and in line with God's ideals. Whichever way they choose, we will love them and pray for them. We only want God's best for the lives of those around us, and God's best is always found in understanding all of His word. Following Christ into suffering is every bit a calling on our lives as is Christ's message of love.
We leave it up to each Believer to prayerfully seek God's will in each of these important issues, but we will shout the blessings of His promise that a spouse can most often "be won without a word."
Cynthia Swenson · 587 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 587 weeks ago
Kelley · 587 weeks ago
Happy highways,
Kelley~
Kelley · 587 weeks ago
I heard Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine talking about this on Family Life Today one afternoon. Bob's comments are what stirred my "doormat thoughts."
Now, I'm going to go back and read all of the other comments... Phew!
Happy anniversary and Happy New Year,
Kelley of Kelley Highway
Lori Alexander 122p · 586 weeks ago