Thursday, December 19, 2013

Sleep Training Babies


We trained our four children to sleep through the night when they were six weeks old.  Waking up every few hours was taking a toll on my health and my emotions.  It took almost a week for each of them and it was difficult letting them cry {and not being able to sleep ourselves}, but after that, they all were very good sleepers.

Many women disagree with this approach.  They even tell me my advice will cause neurological and emotional problems.  Some even accuse me of being selfish!  However, yesterday I read on another blog these words,  "Postpartum hormones, six months of sleep-deprivations and the neurological impairment it engendered and the adrenal response of my exhausted body to prolonged stress ~ this is what rendered me a weepy, terrified mess staring teary-eyed into the frightened eyes of my children."

She then had to go on anti-depressants.  This became a light bulb moment for me.  I wonder if all the postpartum depression women are experiencing today is from not getting enough sleep. There are many health consequences of not getting enough sleep.

Dr. Marshall teaches that we need five solid hours of uninterrupted sleep without raising our heads above our chests for the adrenals to repair themselves every night.  The adrenals have so much to do with our hormones and health.  I know that a lack of
sleep greatly suppresses the immune system, thus making one more susceptible to getting the flu, a cold, autoimmune diseases, or even cancer.

Mothers hate letting their babies cry. I get that, but crying never hurt anybody. Not getting enough sleep can greatly hurt you. It is imperative for the health of the mother that the baby sleep through the night as soon as possible. You should, at least, try to train them to sleep a good five straight hours of sleep at night.

Everyone wakes up several times a night but we learn to go back to sleep. Babies need to be taught this and the sooner the better. We would make sure our baby was well-fed, warm, and dry. Then we would let them cry when they woke up during the night until they fell asleep exhausted.

After about a week, they were sleeping through the night along with the rest of the house.  This made functioning through the daytime much easier for me. Rest and sleep are vital for good health and babies can be trained at an early age to sleep through the night if you want them to and you can endure a week of a crying baby.  It was well worth it for us and all four of my children are happy, secure, and well-adjusted adults.

It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, 
eating the bread of anxious toil; 
for he gives to his beloved sleep.
Psalm 127:2

***I realize this is a very volatile subject but please remember there is no right or wrong way.  It is not a sin issue.  It is a decision made between a husband and a wife so keep that in mind with your comments and try not to throw harsh judgments towards those who you disagree with.  Thank you!

Comments (29)

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You're right in the fact that this isn't a sin issue which always makes me surprised when either side gets all upset. Lack of sleep greatly impacted me after the birth of my first child. I knew a lot about postpartum depression but was not expecting postpartum psychosis. At night, I had the absolute my irrational, paranoid thoughts I have ever had in my life. I knew they were crazy but I was afraid to talk about them for fear of sounding crazy myself. My baby had reflux and try as I might to sleep train him, it did not work due to the reflux. As soon as I started to get more sleep (I started to take naps since he wasn't sleeping through the night, even following the Babywise method to a "T"), the psychosis went away and my mind cleared. This happened within a matter of days.
2 replies · active 588 weeks ago
Yes, this is a volatile subject. I've been on both sides of the issue. But one thing I think the mantra 'you need your sleep' gets wrong is the matter of trust. I was so convinced I couldn't live without what I deemed 'necessary' sleep and it is this lack of trust that affected my mood and attitude - not the lack of sleep itself. Once I recognized that God was sovereignly in control of even my baby's night-wakings, I could venture onto the journey of trust He asks all of us to take. "Okay, Lord, I will trust you for the strength I need for the day ahead. It was a rough night - I will trust You to provide time for a nap, or if not, the strength to go on, without allowing my tiredness to lead me to sin." Regardless of the path we choose in parenting, trust is foundational, and even following the best regimens can fail. Where does that leave you - if you were trusting in a method to give the desired results? Frustrated for sure - but when all is done in faith and trust, even outcomes are left in His hands.

Remember, "He gently leads those who have young." Here's hoping our parenting reflects His gentle heart.
I did the same thing with my babies, Lori! {We are so much alike! :)} I trained my babies to sleep through the night very young and they were such HAPPY, healthy babies! And this mom got a good nights rest too so I could offer my best, most alert self to my family during the day. A mom knows if her baby is crying because they are hungry or just need to wind down and let some cries out.
I waited until 12 weeks with mine, but did it then. It only took one night and they were sleeping all night and have ever since. They are now 19, 17, 10, and 8. No scarring that I can see.
I think this is such an individual thing. I was very lucky, all 3 of my babies were naturally good sleepers. I never felt sleep deprived. If they cried during the night my husband would change the baby's diaper and lay the baby next to me in bed, where I would nurse him/her back to sleep. Then my hubby would go lay the baby down. Our kids were only waking up once a night by the time they were about 8 weeks old....and going right back to sleep after being nursed, so it wasn't a big deal to me. My babies were tiny, at the very bottom of the charts, so I didn't feel that it would be right to deprive them a feeding if they were truly hungry. But like I said - it's all so individual. Different moms can handle different situations, and every baby is so different! I think we all need to follow our motherly instincts, and pray that God will guide us specifically in raising our own children.
Thank you for this Lori! We're expecting our first child this spring and being sleep deprived is the thing I dread most about motherhood. I've heard of a lot of people sleep training their babies around 6 weeks with great success. Did you let your babies cry until they fell asleep, or did you only let them cry for a few minutes before going in to console them, then a few minutes longer the next time, etc.? This may be off topic, but did you nurse them whenever they wanted or put them on a schedule right away? What about a schedule for naps? There are so many opinions about how to do these things and it's intimidating since our little ones can't tell us if what we're doing is harming them or not.
3 replies · active 588 weeks ago
I have six children (ages 1 through 11). I've tried both approaches. My conclusion is that a nursing baby should not be on an eating schedule. There is also such beauty in forming a bond. You'll have many years to catch up on sleep! Also, by nursing on demand you are naturally spacing your children the way God intended. These are just my two cents :)

Blessings~~angela
2 replies · active 545 weeks ago
We just co sleep when baby gets fussy. My little ones love and crave physical touch. It is not an issue about being able to put themselves to sleep. My little ones put themselves to sleep at the beginning of the night just fine. So they start out in their cribs and when they get fussy early in the morning we just snuggle them in our bed and they sleep for a few more hours. They grow out of this between 9 months and a year.

Every mother is different and so is every child and we all have our own preferences. I have 8 children and we are a very go with the flow kind of family so co-sleeping works for us. If I feel tired during the day I just take a nap when the kids nap. No big deal.
1 reply · active 588 weeks ago
Nearly 50 years ago my little brother was born in France. At that time the medical practice was to keep new moms in the hospital for an entire week. They were not allowed to room in with their babies, rather, the babies were kept in a nursery all night long and allowed to cry! Mom came home from the hospital well-rested, and her son was already sleeping through the night. Women in France had no choice about this back then. Somehow I doubt the entire population of France is emotionally unbalanced from that experience. It's harder on moms than it is on their babies. :)
3 replies · active 457 weeks ago
Hi Lori, I'm wondering what would you advise when a husband does not want to allow baby to cry? Our fourth is now two months old, and only waking up once in the night, so it's not too big of a deal, but I had a difficult time at night with numbers two and three. I was still getting up with them past age one. My husband knows of my desire and reasons to let the babies cry, but it's just too difficult for him to listen to the crying without helping baby, and the times we've tried it have caused strife between us. With this baby I have not even brought up the idea of or tried to sleep train because I know how my husband feels about it. I'm getting a reasonable amount of sleep but still feel very overwhelmed with my responsibilities during the day.

This baby number four has also had problems with what we thought might be reflux and ended up being diagnosed as pyloric stenosis which required immediate surgery. He has now recovered completely, praise The Lord! However, he still suffers from a lot of painful gas that often wakes him from sleep. Any suggestions for that?

I should also say that my husband is a great help to me around the house and with the children, so I'm not complaining. He is such a blessing and a great, godly husband! Just wondering what you would advise, since you feel so strongly that sleep training is so beneficial. Thank you!
2 replies · active 588 weeks ago
This is an interesting topic, and I certainly feel like each mother needs to do what works best for family and her health.

For what's it worth, my approach is to nurse when my baby needs me, even at night. I have 5 children, and my baby is 8 months old. He isn't as good a sleeper as some of my others babies were, so I'm still getting up every night to feed him at least once. Yes, I'm tired! Yes, I've let him cry it out a time or two, especially if he kept waking up and I knew he needed sleep more than he needed to nurse.

From a health perspective, there are arguments for both sides. We do need sleep, but nighttime feedings are also healthy for both mamas and babies. I don't regret my choice, since I know my little man will be sleeping through the night soon enough. Right now, I chalk it up as part of life with an infant.

Great post, Lori!
My children are now young adults and my most treasured memories are the precious moments we shared rocking in the quiet hours of night. I prayed over them, sang to them and just loved on them. I wouldn't do it differently even if I could. By 4 months or so they were mostly sleeping through the night and were healthy, happy and well-adjusted. My husband also spent time with them at night and enjoyed every moment. We worked as a team :)
I loved midnight feeds with our two babies (Joshua was bottle fed and Johanna was breast feed; I loved breast feeding it was a wonderful time as a Mama) they started sleeping through at about 4 -6 weeks on their own. I felt sadly ripped off as my friends still needed to get up to their babies. Sometimes I would get up and pick them up ever so gently and just hold them while they slept; I would pray over them and sing softly to them. I know it sounds silly but that was just me. Ant used to sleep through and not wake but I loved time with my new born/babies and just loved bonding with them. If I had to do it again I would do it all over again! They grow up way to fast; I just wanted to keep them babies for as long as I could and enjoy every moment of them!
Babies at the age of 6 weeks still need to eat every two hours. My daughter didn't sleep through the night til she was 4 1/2 months old, mostly because of bad information we were getting from her pediatrician about the type of formula to give her. It makes me sick to think that there were nights we were sleep-training her that she was lying there, hungry, and we didn't know it. But she wasn't 6 weeks old. I dealt with lack of sleep to make sure she got enough to eat. One of the sacrifices of parenting

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