Thursday, September 10, 2015

Good News for Unemotional Women!

After reading and pondering all the comments from yesterday's post, I have come to some more clarity in what I was trying to get across. Some of you loved it and could relate to my thoughts and feelings before marriage and others thought it wasn’t an accurate picture of marriage.

I was definitely attracted to Ken before we were married; I simply didn’t have the passion or the butterflies. After almost 35 years of marriage, I can see that these qualities don’t matter in the long run. I love Ken deeply and even get emotional at times when I think about him. I’ll wake up from a dream about not being married to him and see him lying next to me and think, “Oh good! I am married to him!” Our love is rich and deep now. We love spending time with each other and are closer than ever.

However, when I was growing up, I wasn’t the type of girl who would cry at movies. I was jealous that my mom and sisters could cry so easily. I wished I was more emotional. I wasn’t very affectionate either. I didn’t like the idea of other people hugging me at all when I was young. During high school, my friends would be “passionately” in love with their boyfriends and when the break up occurred, they would be devastated. I was never like that. I enjoyed the guys I dated but I never felt that head-over-heels in love with them. Therefore, when I didn’t have that with Ken, I was so disappointed and knew there must be something wrong with me.

There’s not! It’s just the way I am. It’s part of my personality. I’m not emotional which is good in some ways; although I do cry much easier now than I used to. {I actually sobbed during War Room.} Ken wishes I’d be more affectionate so I try to be for him but it sure doesn’t come naturally. I’m just not a passionate and emotional person; no matter how hard I try!

God created us all differently with different gifts and personalities.  We’re all unique. Since I wasn’t like the other emotional girls, it doesn’t mean I was bad or wrong. I love my husband. I’m very committed to him. I’m so happy I married him and I’m still happy to be married to him. There’s no one else I’ve ever wanted to be married to.

  One young woman I know very well, was “madly and passionately in love” with this young man. She knew in her mind that he was going to be difficult to be married to him but she didn’t care since she “loved” him so much. She went through a devastating break up with him. Soon after, she met another young man who she knew would be easy to be married to and had all the qualities she wanted in a husband. She was attracted to him but didn’t feel “madly and passionately in love” with him like she did the other man. She married this man and many years later, she is SO happy she didn’t marry based upon her feelings but on the right man for her. She deeply loves her husband.

Yesterday in the comment section, one woman wrote , “I don’t know how it would’ve been to marry someone I wasn’t in love with.” I showed my love to Ken by committing my life to him. I didn’t have butterflies but this didn’t mean I didn’t love him since love is commitment. Plus, there is nowhere in the Bible that commands that we be “in love” with who we marry; it commands that we LOVE who we marry. This is where the confusion lies. I mentor women who tell me they are no longer “in love” with their husband, so I teach them to LOVE their husband instead.

So for all of you women who don’t have the giddy, passionate and emotional love for your fiancĂ© or husband, it’s okay. It’s not a sin to not have those “feelings” but it is a sin to not love your husband once you have married him.

Teach the young women to…love their husband.
Titus 2:3-5

***To those didn’t see the addition I wrote on  Is Your Husband Your Best Friend?, I actually consider my husband WAY more to me than a best friend since he works his tail off for our family to provide for us; we share the same bed every night; we are one flesh; we are committed for life; we live and laugh together, etc. This is WAY better than being best friends!