Wednesday, September 9, 2015

The Twisted and Perverted Idea of Love

Almost 35 years ago, I remember being at my bridal shower and having feelings of sadness because I wasn't all excited and emotional about marrying Ken. I didn't have butterflies; I wasn't giddy; I didn't "feel" madly in love with him like I knew I was supposed to. I was even considering whether or not I should marry him based upon these feelings. Why, you may ask, did I marry him? I was marrying him because I decided he was what I was looking for in a husband. He loved Jesus; he worked hard; he was intelligent, athletic and good looking. These were all the characteristics I wanted in a husband. However, what was wrong with me? Why couldn't I "feel" like I was supposed to feel?

I had fallen for the twisted and perverted idea of love and romance, instead of biblical love. The perverted idea of love and romance includes being madly and passionately in love with someone before marrying them. "Here is my Prince Charming who I am ready to ride off with into the sunset on his stallion!" It was ALL about feelings and emotions. This is the fleshly man-made definition of love. Therefore, since I had fallen for this twisted and evil lie, we spent the first 23 years of our married life together not so happy.

What is true biblical love? Well according to the Bible, it is patient, kind, not jealous, doesn't brag or is arrogant, doesn't seek it's own, doesn't take into account a wrong suffered, doesn't rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices with the Truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love doesn't argue or quarrel. It seeks peace with others. It thinks more highly of others than itself. It overcomes evil with good and it is about commitment.

Why do you suppose God has commanded older women to teach younger women to love their husbands? Are they supposed to teach them to have butterflies and giddy feelings over their husbands or solid, biblical love towards them? Maybe this giddy and perverted love is a man-made idea after all. Maybe God knew the emotional makeup of women and how we tend to go with our feelings and emotions, instead of Truth and what is right.

Ken was and is good for me. Before my daughters met their husbands, I made sure they knew the two most important requirements were when deciding to marry someone; they had to love Jesus and be hard-working. Both of them married men like this. Both of my sons fit these requirements also. If your husband loves Jesus and is hard-working, you've married a good man! So what if you don't have the warm fuzzy feelings for him? Those have NOTHING whatsoever to do with love.

If I would have realized the true biblical definition of love and had been taught it growing up, I would have had a great marriage from the start. I wouldn't have even had to learn about submission if I knew true love since I would have been kind, patient, serving, pleasing, not arguing, seeking peace and thinking more highly of Ken than myself. 

Teach your daughters what true biblical love looks like. Encourage them to only marry a man who loves Jesus and works hard. We would have a lot more happy marriages if little girls were being raised in homes that taught and modeled biblical love instead of the Disney twisted and perverted types of love. 

Love bears all things, believes all things, 
hopes all things, endures all things.
1 Corinthians 13:7

***When you were considering whether or not to marry a man, did you search the Scriptures while praying for wisdom and discernment or did you marry him because you felt "in love"?