Marriages have too high of expectations put upon them today. This is why
so many are failing. Many tell me how their husband is their best friend. This
is a great thing; however, they don't have to be. There is NOTHING in the Bible
that says that spouses need to be best friends. They are different sexes with
different gifts and abilities; they think differently and are different in many
ways. It's okay if your spouse is not your best friend. Find a girlfriend to be
your best friend. Don't put this expectation upon your husband. This will only
lead to disappointment.
Many believe
that there should be passion every single time they make love. I do believe
this is due to pornography and the portrayal of bedroom scenes on television
and movies. Many men expect a lot more in the bedroom now and are dissatisfied
if it's not happening all the time. Yes, wives should desire to please their
husbands in this way and godly marriages usually do have the best sex lives
according to surveys but I think pornography has put the expectations WAY too
high. In past generation, many families lived in one or two bedroom homes.
Often, children were sleeping in the same room. There wasn't pornography at the
click of a finger and there weren't opportunities like we have now since many
couples didn't have much privacy. Pornography has caused SO much damage to
marriages with its expectations and the effects it has on those who watch it.
One woman
wrote this on her post: "Yes, the marriage bed is intended
to be full of imagination, exploration, and exciting, breathless,
playing-in-the-rain fun!" I asked the women in the chat room if
they agreed with this and Amy responded, “Absolutely, I believe
that statement! Married sex should be amazing and fulfilling for both spouses!
However, on occasion, when one spouse isn't feeling as frisky for whatever
reason, and is simply engaging to please the other, the marriage bed can also
be a bed of normal, usual, regular, not-so-exciting fun also! The WORST thing
the marriage bed should be is lonely, still, and cold.” I think this
is a MUCH better and healthier way to think of intimacy with our spouse.
In the past,
women married men to provide and protect them. They also wanted a home and
children. They needed a husband in able to have these things. Men married women
so they could have sex and build a family. They needed a woman to take care of
the home and children while they were trying to make a living. This is a
picture of marriage the way God intended it to be; each spouse knows their
roles and they fulfill it to the best of their ability. They both need each
other for the areas that they lack in.
Feminism has
destroyed these roles and Christian men and women fell for them hook, line and
sinker. They also fell for the lie that their spouse needed to be their best
friend and that sex should be all fireworks. We need to stop putting so many
expectations upon marriage and be thankful to have a husband who works hard to
provide for us and sleeps next to us every night and protects us. If you have a
husband who does this for you, you have a great husband. Stop comparing your
marriage to anybody else's. Comparisons are deadly. Be content with what the
Lord has given you.
Men need to
stop looking at porn and away from scantily clad women and appreciate the women
God has given them. If their wives keep a clean and tidy home, raising children
to love Jesus and fulfilling their needs sexually, they should be content. They
don't need to go looking at a website to have an affair and possibly get
caught, thus destroying their marriage, children and reputation. Paul
disciplined himself for the purpose of godliness. Men and women who love Jesus
are called to do the same.
Love the
husband of your youth. Please him in the bedroom. Men, love the wife of your
youth through good times and bad times, sickness and health and in riches or
poverty. Be a vow keeper even if your spouse isn't living up to what they
should be. Be Jesus to each other by loving, serving and pleasing each other.
This is the formula for a healthy marriage; NOT having to be best friends and ALWAYS having passion in the bedroom.
Let thy fountain be blessed:
and rejoice
with the wife of thy youth.
Proverbs 5:18
*Ken still loves me; the wife of his youth!
