Don't Run Back Home

When I got married, my mom told me that I couldn't come running back to her when I had marriage problems. I did one time in my first year of marriage and she told me to go home to my husband. I don't even feel the need to tell this to my children since they are as committed to their marriages for life as we are now.

One woman I was mentoring left her husband to go live with her parents. She was leaving her husband because he had an affair. She emailed me and asked me what to do when her parents wanted her to get a job and no longer be able to homeschool her children nor be home with them. I told her to go home where she belonged and let her husband continue to support them. It's not good to leave a husband all alone in a home, if you want to heal a broken marriage. This is giving way too much temptation to a man. She took my advice and went home; now they have a fabulous marriage! She is even winning him to the Lord. Actually, since I wrote this post a while ago, he is now going to church and loves studying the Word of God. Yes, our God is a God of miracles and is in the business of transforming lives.

When married children know they can come home to their parent's home if they want to leave their husband, they just may do this. It's not a good idea! For one thing, everything they tell their parents that is negative about their husband will be remembered by the parents and cause them to think badly about their son-in-law. They will have a much harder time forgiving him than their daughter. Secondly, the grown children always will know they have a place to go just in case it doesn't work out. Don't give your grown children this option. I have mentored women who were very unhappy in their marriages, but they had no place to go. This is a good thing! If they don't have a place to go and they are a full-time mama, they will probably stay with their husband because they need them and they should. This is how it was in the olden days. They just worked it out and stayed together.

No matter how bad some marriages are, if neither of them leaves, it almost always gets better over time {unless there is physical abuse, then call the authorities}. Commitment does something special in a marriage. It's security. It's God's blessing upon your life. You get used to it and don't want to leave.

Make sure your children know that marriage is until death do they part. Teach them to be vow keepers. Model it for them. Help them to pick wisely for this reason. We told our daughters to marry someone who loved the Lord and worked hard. They both married men who fit this description. We taught our sons to marry women who loved the Lord and wanted to stay home to raise their babies. They both married wives like this. We are truly blessed!

Instead of wanting to flee home, call a godly older woman and have a nice long conversation with her. After pouring out all your complaints about your husband, hopefully she will then ask you to share all those things you love about him like Miss Clare did in the War Room. {I have always done this as well.} Then begin dwelling on all the good about your husband and stay with him; for you were created to be his help meet.

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, 

and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

Ephesians 5:31

Dealing With Difficult Mothers and Mothers-in-Law

Listening to women in the chat room, many have trouble with their mother and/or mother-in-law. Many of these older women have no desire to be a part of their grandchildren's life. They have raised children and want their freedom. Others do want to be part of their lives but they smoke, drink alcohol, and try to control their daughter or daughter-in-law in how she raises her children. How do they respond to the elders in their lives who are difficult or uninterested? Many young women grieve over this broken relationship. 

We are called to love everyone, even our enemies. Jesus told us that others will know we are His disciples by loving others, even the foolish ones. How should we love them? Love them even though you don't feel like you love them. When you see them, be kind to them. Write cards to them for special occasions or no occasion at all letting them know your love for them, since we overcome evil with good. 

Do you have to be with these mothers if they are foolish and bad influences on your children? No, limit your time with them for very special occasions. The Word warns us about spending time with a foolish person. "Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest no in him the lips of knowledge" (Proverbs 14:7). As you know, a foolish woman tears her home down with her own hands. You must not allow her to do the same with your home.

Therefore, spend as little time as possible with her. If you don't like the way she babysits your children, don't let her babysit anymore. A mother or mother-in-law must earn the right to take care of her grandchildren. If she refuses to abide by the rules that her children have set for their own children, she has lost the right to babysit them or be alone with them. Your children are your first and only concern. You are the ones called to raise your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, not your mother or mother-in-law. 

If they argue with you or call you names, don't respond to their foolishness. (This applies to anytime a foolish person wants to get in an argument with you about the way you live your life or your faith.) "Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him" (Proverbs 26:). When you are quiet, the fire is not stoked but burns out. Allow the Lord to convict and change them, since this is an impossible task for you. God hasn't given you the task of convicting and changing others. You are called to be an example of godliness to them. This is the greatest witness of Christ in your life. 

Instead of wasting your time with this woman, spend your life molding and shaping your precious children instead. Time is short. Your years with them are few and go quickly by. Don't waste your time with those who hinder what you are trying to train your children to be. God commands that we use our time wisely. Use your time to be with your children and making sure they know the God who made them.

You will probably grieve over the lost relationship with your mother, but if it is your mother-in-law, you may grieve her loss as well. This is healthy and normal. Every woman wants to grow up to be close to her mother. This is one of the most important relationships in her life. When she gets married, it's great to be close to your mother-in-law, but it doesn't always happen this way. If it doesn't, allow yourself time to grieve. Remember, God uses suffering and loss in our lives for good. It helps mold us into the image of Christ. Cling to Him during this time, casting your cares upon Him. Pray about the entire situation and give it to the Lord saying, "Not my will but thine be done."

Never allow bitterness to take hold in your heart since bitterness defiles many, as the Word states in Hebrews 12:15, and the last thing you want is for your children to be defiled due to your bitterness. As you give the relationship to the Lord, He can heal your broken heart. Give it all to Him over and over again, if need be. Pray daily over it and the Lord may restore it one day. He does exceedingly more than we can ever hope or imagine so trust Him. He alone is worthy of our trust.

 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.
Hebrews 12:15

The Serpent Whispers, "It's Never Enough"

Why do we have this desire to control our husbands? Is it to make sure our perceived needs are being met? Maybe it is to complain about him and the deficits we perceive in him and ignoring the time and energy spent in providing for the family? It is the same old story from the beginning of time. The Serpent continues to whisper lies into our ears as he did into Eve's ear, "Has God said you shall not eat from any tree of the garden?" {Genesis 3:1}

My recent viral post hit several nerves, including the feelings that many young wives have felt when their husbands don't help enough around the home, as if housework is so difficult and time-consuming with the many appliances we have today. {Thanks to the men who invented and built them. They make it much easier for us than in generations past.} However, most of us have felt dissatisfied since we are taught that men should help us with our housework or they aren't being caring husbands. The biggest nerve was the fear by the feminists that my little blog is somehow going to set women's progress back to the dark ages. Somehow my championing of SAHM's and having a strong marriage is dangerously brainwashing young ladies, as if all who read my posts are somehow uneducated and unable to come to their own choices in life. Guess who is whispering in the feminist's ears as well?

In my earlier years of marriage, my anger with Ken often came because he didn't help around the home enough. Keeping a home and raising four children isn't easy, but it is nothing compared to what Ken was doing to provide for our family. However, I had an insatiable need to make sure that Ken was doing his fair share. During those years, he was gone half the year traveling and when he was home, he spent most of his time working in his office, then playing with the children and helping them in their sports. To be honest, the root of the problem started right after our wedding. Even with just the two of us, I felt unloved at times, because Ken failed to do what I wanted him to do. 

I know I am not the only one who struggles with this need to get something from my husband and wanting more. The Serpent's whispers were strong in my ears as I felt this need to control him in order to "feel" loved. So long as he was doing what I wanted him to do, our relationship felt pretty good, but if he did not meet my requests or expectations, my countenance would fall and my angry mood would set in. I would hear these whispers ~

"He does not really love me; if he did he would show it more."

"Why did he leave the dish on the table? He must be lazy."

"He will probably forget my birthday and fail to give me a romantic gift and card."

"Is he the man I should have married?"  

Not only did I have to contend with the whispers in my own head, but when I would go to a family member's or friend's home, I would complain about Ken to others. They often felt the same way about their husband since they were afflicted with the same virus, so the two of us would feed new whispers in each other's ears, never once taking a step back to see all the good in our husbands.  Eve, at least, set the Serpent straight by telling him, "We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden," but God said, "Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die." {God never said anything about touching it.} And we all know the end of the story. Even though Eve had all the fruit she could possibly eat at her finger tips, she wanted the fruit she could not have. 

Eve's discontentment wasn't due to God failing but from her need for more and to take control. After the fall, we should understand that this need to control and do things our way is only stronger. It is as simple as this. If my husband doesn't help me around the home, it's because I am unable to control him into helping me and in my mind, I believe I should be able to boss him around. As I have written many times before, a man struggles with his sexual nature as a woman struggles with her desire to control. All those negative whispers about your husband you are hearing in your ear are from the prince of darkness' influence on you and the lies you are believing.  If I had looked at the reality of our lives, I would have clearly seen that my life was much easier than Ken's! After all, I was created to be his help meet, not vice versa.

 We chase the dream of happiness, not realizing that happiness is not a place we can find, but a life we need to live in obedience to the Lord. Happiness and contentment will never come from our circumstances, but rather it comes when we are walking in the Spirit and serving others {especially our husbands}, pleasing them, and walking in the garden daily with Jesus.  Have you chosen what values to live? Happy is he that hath the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the LORD his God {Psalm 146:5}.

Most women will never understand this about the Christian woman, nor will they understand why they are searching to be something they were never created to be. They were created to be women! Yes, many climb the ladder of worldly success and the corporate ladder but at what cost? Does the world want us to be content, or forever dissatisfied while chasing a dream that proves a career does not give us the best things in life? All I can do is share my story; it was not until I gave up my desire to control Ken that I found true contentment. I stopped arguing with him, and decided to try to please him instead of expecting him to please me and knowing that God has given me all I need. I am happy with the man of my dreams, and he was there all along, but those whispers in my ear were so loud that for many years I failed to find him. I don't need to control him! He's the one that God has designated the head over me and I am deeply satisfied with this.

The way to clear out the whispers in our life is to first shut them down from the outside. Anyone who wants to talk negatively about your husband, just tell them to please stop saying those things and instead begin telling them all the good in him. Then do as I did for a month or two. Every time a negative thought about Ken or my situation crept into my mind, I would kick it out. Don't allow the whispers of the Serpent in your life anymore, but dwell on the pure, lovely, and good. Always remember that the enemy is out to destroy you and your marriage. The enemy is not your husband.

Yes, I am teaching hard lessons, but isn't all of life a desire to find the truth and rest within it. I am not trying to change the world with my little blog. I am trying to help women who love the Lord find what God has so graciously shown me. His ways are lovely and perfect! Relish the role of being a woman and celebrate being a keeper at home.

But godliness with contentment is great gain.
1 Timothy 6:6

What Would Rover Do? ~ Chapter 7

Did you know that animals discipline their young? I never knew this until I read this chapter and it was quite fascinating! Should we learn anything from the animal kingdom since they can be awfully savage in the wilderness? I can't stand to watch the wild animal shows and watch a lion viciously attack a zebra. It's definitely not something I want to be entertained by. However, the Pearls aren't using these animal traits to show us how we can learn from the animals! They are using these verses ~

Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways and be wise {Proverbs 6:6}.

But ask now the beasts, and they shall teach thee; and the fowls of the air, and they shall tell thee: Or speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee: and the fishes of the sea shall declare unto thee {Job 12:7, 8}. 

Even God believes that animals can teach us some things! Imagine that? "To establish discipline and boundaries with their young as well as with others, wild dolphins generally use posturing gestures such as tail-slapping, tooth raking, or face-to-face head-nodding, which may culminate in jaw-clapping. When dolphins and whales can't get the surrender they need from their young, they may hold them underwater for longer than is comfortable in order to re-establish their dominance and parental authority." {In the Presence of His Beings by Bobbie Sandoz-Merrill}

No, parents shouldn't do these things with their children, but they should lovingly discipline them. The purpose for the animals disciplining their young is for their protection, so they won't wander off and get lost. 

It is common to observe horses, cats, and dogs as they reprimand their young with a quick nip. Chimps and gorillas will nip and/or swat with their hands. If you take a puppy away from its mother too early, it will have a tendency to bite too hard when playing...But if you leave it with Mom a few more weeks, it will have learned to be gentle, because she employed corporal discipline to teach it to respect boundaries...In nature, the mother always wins.*

Mothers always win in nature but in the human race these days, the children are winning more than the mothers. Children should never rule the home; it is the parent's responsibility to do this. Never be afraid of disciplining your children and letting them know that you will win and be the one in charge who sets the standards, while they are young. Remember, discipline isn't punishment. Punishment requires children to suffer for their mistakes, whereas discipline teaches children to learn from their mistakes.* Discipline is to train our children to have self-control, protection, and to better their life. If a mother is consistent in the discipline of her children, she will rarely have to spank them. Yes, children can learn quickly if lovingly disciplined to do the right thing, so they can grow up and be productive adults in society. 

"Every farmer knows that a chick hatched in an incubator and raised without a hen is not likely to sit on her eggs and care for her young because she has never experienced parental nurturing. We see the same behavioral pattern in children raised in an orphanage from birth; without having experienced loving parental care, when they are grown they tend to be deficient in parental instincts.*

 This explains why so many women today struggle with homemaking skills and raising their children. They weren't trained or modeled by their mothers since their mothers were out giving their time and energy to a career instead. Don't let this happen to your children. Yet, another reason for mothers to be home full-time with their children raising and disciplining them. It will benefit your children for a lifetime!

By the way, look who commented on a Facebook thread that I posted about my viral post on the UK newspaper. You might say I was a bit excited! :)

*Quotes from the book.

Taste and See That the Lord is Good!

Have you ever tasted the Lord's ways or are you in rebellion to them? They may sound detestable to you, but they are the best, since our Creator gave us instructions for living. Yes, I know not everyone thinks they can live God's ideal, but never forget that with God nothing is impossible!

One woman stumbled upon my blog and left this comment on a keeper at home post ~ "I've been on both sides and this is true. I was in the army when I had my first child; having to pull a twenty four hour shift while breastfeeding a newborn lead me into depression really fast. I ended up begging to get out ASAP. It took four months but they finally let me out. I was up for promotion also, but let it go to become a homemaker. We've tried having my husband staying home with her, daycare, my mom watching her and it all still left me feeling empty and guilty. I post about this on my Facebook page and get a lot of backlash for it, but its okay. That's to be expected when you're speaking truth. But there is NO way I'd trade being home and teaching my kids about God to ever working outside of my home again. It feels amazing to taste and see that the Lord is good and to walk in his perfect will for my life."

Our Senate just passed a bill that would require women to register for the draft. We might sum this up as the end result of feminism. They want to be "equal" to men in every way and all women have to suffer because of this unattainable goal. I seriously doubt many women want to fight in wars. It's not in our makeup. We are the weaker sex and don't have the drive in our bellies to protect, like the Lord made men to be protectors. Most women would hate seeing the horrible events in war. It's hard enough on the men. Why would women want to see this? If a robber came into a family's home, it would be the father who would go do anything he could to protect the family. The mother would be huddled in a closet with her children. This is how it would happen with the majority of intact families today, but feminists don't like this.

Another thing, women are more depressed than ever before and it is only getting worse. Of course, many things contribute to this but I believe a large part of it is women are just not emotionally created to handle the stress of working outside of the home like men are. Women were created by our Creator to be keepers at home. Even women who are married without children have written to me and would love to simply come home, but either their husbands don't want them to or they fear the reaction of coming home and "doing nothing." It takes plenty of work and time to run a home and take care of a husband. There are also many other ministries they can become involved with, such as helping the poor, the sick and the elderly. 

Finally, concerning this woman's comment, babies need their mothers. Breast milk is the best food for babies with the most nutrition. It is only the mother who can provide this. Mothers have a better chance of having a healthy milk supply, if they are home and not stressed out from a career and it is ideal to nurse at least a year. They also have the time to make nutritious food for themselves. In order to have healthy milk, they must eat healthy. 

Contrary to what many have said about what I write {medieval, 1950s, sexist, etc.}, it is the best way for women to live; exactly the way God created them to live! If your family needs to earn income somehow {divorced, widowed, single}, pray and ask the Lord to make a way for you to earn income from home. He owns everything and nothing is too hard for Him.

With men this is impossible; 
but with God all things are possible.

Matthew 19:26

Going Viral: The Virus of Unmet Expectations

Written by my husband, Ken Alexander

Lori's recent viral post struck a chord where women on both sides of the issue lined up to voice their agreement or stark disagreement over a husband's responsibility towards household chores. A few days later, it made it to the Daily Mail news source out of the UK titled Blogger is blasted over 'outdated' advice for a happy marriage as she urges women to 'do your housework cheerfully'. The reason it struck such a viral cord is twofold: First because it did not fit with the progressive women's agenda when Lori teaches that a wife married to a husband unwilling to meet her expectations should just take the high road and love him anyway. Second, because this is one of the hottest sources of frustration for most wives in the modern world. 

In my early years of marriage, Lori was often frustrated with me as her perception was that I was not doing enough to help her. I was at the time struggling to build a consulting firm and my head was stressed to its max as I raced across the US and Europe seeking success and security that comes from a good reputation. Hardly was I focused on housework after working a sixty hour week, and to be honest, I really detested household chores. But I had no issues caring for the kids, or cooking meals, and vacuuming. But dishes and cleaning was not my idea of my role in the relationship. 

Too often the root of this frustration came to Lori after talking to a family member or friend who helped to create the heart of the unmet expectations. I recall having a wonderful weekend with my wife, enjoying each other and the kids, and walking along in harmony together. I left on a trip and just after I got the the hotel in New York City, I grabbed the telephone and dialed the woman I had just spent a great week with. Looking out over Central Park from the 18th story with the lights surrounding it and darkness at the center, Lori answered the phone.

How's it going babes?

Oh, I'm fine?

Did you have a good day?

It was fine.

Well I had a good trip out, and my client put me up in a really nice hotel room overlooking the Park. It's way too expensive, but a really nice view. I wish you were here to share it with me!

Ya, you know Ken, you really don't help me enough around the house. We have four kids now and you know my stomach is not well. You really need to help me more.

Oh, WOW! Where is that coming from? You know I help a lot with the kids, and when you are sick I often cook the meals and take care of things. I don't get what you want from me? What happened between the time I left you this morning and I landed in NY?

I was talking to a friend today and she told me that you really should be helping me more. What I need is more help. My friend's and sisters' husbands help their wives more. 

Wait a second. You are telling me that when I kissed you goodbye today, you were doing great with our relationship and fine with how much I was helping around the house? Somehow between that moment and now you have talked to someone and you are upset over our relationship?  I don't know what to tell you, but I don't understand how your friends have anything to do with us and how we live out our marriage together.

Unmet expectations will kill any relationship. Lori's post hits the nail on the head, that many wives are dissatisfied with their husband's efforts to help them around the home. It is into this angry cauldron of frustration that Lori's post struck a cord, and those who are frustrated, or controlling, or just angry feminists lashed out at the clear and appropriate message that Lori gave.

And guess who gets to decide how much housework is "their fair share?" The wife does! And if it is not enough, or not done in the right timing, she gets to delve out the punishment of a bad mood, upsets, headaches and withholding affection. After all, my needs are not being met, so if you want me happy, you will do as I tell you to do. It would be an interesting survey to discover what most men think about housework and their wife's moods to control them in this area of the marriage.

What Lori did say was, if you expect your man to help more around the home, and your expectations go unmet, don't allow this to destroy your relationship, as so many young wives have a tendency to do. You may also discover that your husband is not the cause of your upsets, but instead it is your own unsubmissive heart that God desires change by His Word, to make you and your marriage more like Jesus. 

This is our story. We could not be happier with each other now, yet we suffered needlessly with unmet expectations destroying our harmony and intimacy. Did you ever think that true love and intimacy comes from accepting your spouse just the way they are, flaws, foibles and all, yet praying that God will do His mighty work in their hearts to help turn them into the man or wife of your dreams? And all the while much of the real journey is God's work in your own life, helping to use marriage and your spouse to make you more like Jesus, and show you what it means to truly love one another.

This same Jesus taught us to be servants, to expect little of others, to give grace upon grace, and to lay down our lives for our friends. But when expectations are unmet, will you continue to allow them to ruin the very thing you are looking for in love and intimacy?  Or will you put your own perceived needs aside for the good of the relationship, and to try to win your spouse by heaping love upon the heartache? By seeking their good even when they are not always in tune with what is best for you? 

This looks much more like the Jesus I know and love. The one who gave his life for others, and washed their feet first. I am also grateful for a wife who after 20 years of being disappointed in me finally deciding to try things God's ways in pleasing her man. Helping me to grow a heart much more like Jesus, and a joyful marriage done God's ways, with no nagging or bitterness, just love and acceptance.

Go ahead, and make your husband's life as happy as you can, because in doing so you become the big winner as God makes you more like Jesus. Then trust that God will do his mighty work in your man's heart as you invest the love and life of Jesus in him. Who knows, maybe he will indeed be won by the promise of God, as I was, to fall head over heels in love with my wife, even more than the day we were married. At the heart of marriage is vulnerability, and until we are ready to let go of our own selfish expectations and put the other spouse first, we can never find that same unconditional love that God gives to us every day, in Christ Jesus. 

"Why do two become one if life is trials and fears? 

If minds and hearts become stunned, by the person we hold so dear?

The answer lies in love you see, struggles will help us grow,

For only through pain it seems can be, the commitment of love that two can know.

We can't forget love's purpose here, for Christ is the one we wed,

He's the one who holds us dear, my Lord is the one who says,

"Take my hand I will lead you on, through joy and sorrow loves endeavor,

I am by your side the victory is won, your lives are mine together."

Ken Alexander, 1980 (our wedding day)

If any one would be first, he must be last, and the servant of all.
Mark 9:35

A Low Grade Irritation

Do you have a low grade irritation with your husband almost all of the time? For the first 23 years of my marriage, I had a low grade irritation with Ken. I was usually irritated with him about something. Sometimes, it would flare up into a high grade irritation but it was mostly a low grade one. He rarely would act the way I wanted him to act. Every once in a while, it would come to a head, we'd have a huge fight, and he'd apologize. We would have a few peaceful days but then that low grade irritation would rear its ugly head again.

I'm not sure what I was trying to accomplish with this behavior, since it never accomplished anything beneficial. It caused conflict and unhappiness between the two of us. You will never win your husband to yourself by being upset and angry with him. You will never win him with a low grade irritation. Have you been around a person who is always irritated with you? It's no fun at all! You know they don't like you much or accept you the way you are so you prefer not to be around them. Do you want your husband to feel this same way around you?

What causes a low grade irritation? Selfishness and dissatisfaction. He wasn't behaving and responding the way I wanted him to so I was irritated with him. Ken felt like he could never please me for long unless he was perfect, according to my rules. He eventually gave up and our marriage tanked. We became roommates and that was all. If he had a choice, he certainly would not have chosen to stay with me, since there was no joy in our relationship.

Is this the way your husband feels around you? Does he know you are generally irritated by him? Are you irritated often? If you are, stop. When you are irritated you are only thinking about yourself and what you want. God calls us to love others more than we love ourselves. We're usually not irritated with ourselves. We want the best for ourselves, so we must begin wanting the best for our husbands. They want our acceptance, grace, mercy, and love. This is what they want since they will never be perfect and may never live up to our expectations, but they can live happily with a grace-filled wife.

A grace-filled wife won't allow the little things bother her. She will have a long fuse. She won't get offended or her feelings hurt easily. Instead, she will be a peace maker who accepts others just as they are, especially her husband. She will never speak ill of him to others but only builds up and encourages him. Others, but mostly her husband, will love being around her since she is joyful and rarely complains. How does she do this? She can act this way because she understands who she is in Christ and never wants to blaspheme Him with her actions or her words. The Holy Spirit lives mightily within her and she believes the promise that she can do all things through Christ who strengthens her.

Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, 

because love covers a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8

My Post Went Viral

Yes, I had a post go viral. It didn't go viral because the women loved what I said in the post. It was because they hated it and it made them angry. One woman even told me to remove it since it was so evil. What was this evil post? 

It's just evil, isn't it? Just sixty years ago, I could write this same post and it would be received as normal living for women. The majority of women had as many children as the Lord blessed them with and were full-time homemakers. Their husbands were the ones working hard outside of the home providing a living. The women were working hard inside of the home for the family. They all knew their place in the family. Women depended upon their husbands to support them and men depended upon their wives to bear children and take care of the family. 

My mom only completed high school. She was a full-time mother as well as most of her friends. They all married around 20 or 21 years old and stayed married until death did they part. All of her friends were full-time mothers. Children were cared for by their mothers full-time. Dads worked hard to provide. No one thought anything about it. It was just the way it was and always had been. Who changed this? Was it from the Lord that caused women to leave their homes in pursuit of higher education and careers thus leaving their homes and children in a mass exodus or the enemy of their souls?

It was the feminist movement. Have you ever studied how the feminist movement and birth control entered this nation? Here is a post I wrote about it a few years ago. "How will the family unit be destroyed? ... the demand alone will throw the whole ideology of the family into question, so that women can begin establishing a community of work with each other and we can fight collectively. Women will feel freer to leave their husbands and become economically independent, either through a job or welfare" (Female Liberation, by Roxanne Dunbar). You can go to the post and read more about it. The introduction of birth control was just as evil. Margaret Sanger wrote, “The most serious evil of our times is that of encouraging the bringing into the world of large families. The most immoral practice of the day is breeding too many children. The most merciful thing that the large family does to one of its infant members is to kill it."

So my question to you, Christian women, is why have you allowed Satanic inventions influence your life? This is something you will have to wrestle with. I hate birth control because of what it has caused - the long term consequences of it, namely 58 million babies slaughtered in the womb. I fault the feminist movement for all of the children being raised by strangers instead of their mothers, plus all of the divorces that have been perpetuated upon marriages, the confusion of roles in marriage, and the extreme wing that wants to see no differences between men and women.

Yes, I was attacked viciously on this post and other posts close to it. No, I am not bothered by it. I have been viciously attacked since I began blogging. This should come as no surprise to any of you. The world HATES God's ways. I LOVE His ways and will teach them to whoever will listen as long as the Lord allows me to do this. They judge me constantly; the same thing they are accusing me of doing. I have never called anyone a name, ridiculed, or treated those with whom I disagree with disdain and disrespectful foul language.  

Many believe that America is a place of tolerance, yet far too many are now trained by the system to attack any ideas that seem to go against their worldly agenda.  I am comfortable standing on the Truth as I know Who has my back and He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world. They are being blinded by the enemy of their souls. We are commanded to speak Truth in love and plant seeds where we can. This is what I do and I love doing it. I also love watching God send thousands of new readers to my blog and Facebook. What Satan intends for evil, God can use to help pull His remnant together so that together we can support each other in the ways of the Lord.

Don't feel badly for me when I get hateful comments. We have been promised in Scripture that we will be hated because He was hated. This is nothing new. Jesus spoke the most radical words at the nexus of history that exploded forth the greatest display of God's salvation by way of the cross. They hated the creator God so much that they murdered His Son, and God turned their hate into the greatest good for mankind. Yes, pray for me and my ministry, and be an unashamed light in a world that is quickly growing dark with sin and blindness.  Continue to do what the Lord has commanded you to do and store your treasures in heaven. The time is short. So recognize that anyone can replace you in a job, but no one can replace you as a godly wife to your husband and as a loving mother to your children. 

The name of the LORD is a strong tower: 

the righteous runs into it, and is safe.

Proverbs 18:10

Training Your Children Benefits Them for Life

"Training is a possibility long before teaching is. Before a child is old enough to know what is said to it, it is capable of feeling, and of conforming to, or of resisting the pressure of efforts for its training. A child can be trained to go to sleep in the arms of its mother or nurse, or in a cradle, or on a bed; with rocking, or without it; in a light room, or in a dark one; in a noisy room, or only in a quiet one; to expect nourishment and to accept it only at fixed hours, or at its own fancy - while as yet it cannot understand any teaching concerning the importance of the fitness of one of these thing. A very young child can be trained to cry for what it wants, or to keep quiet,  as a means of securing it" {H. Clay Trumbull}.

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it {Proverbs 22:6}.

We trained our children to sleep through the night in a dark room by the time they were six weeks old so they all were great sleepers and slept through the night in dark rooms the entire time they lived under our roof. I trained them to eat salads by starting them off with only wholesome food when they were babies. They all love to eat salads now. We trained them to go to church on Sundays since we went almost every Sunday since they were babies. They all go to church faithfully unless they are sick or away. We trained them to not hold grudges or be mean. As soon as they were mean to one of their siblings, they knew to never do this again. None of our children have ever held grudges or been mean. 

When they were older, we trained them to work hard and be faithful in whatever they did by modeling this to them from the time they were young. All of my children work hard and were even faithful with sports teams or classes that had mean coaches or teachers. They weren’t quitters. We trained them to love and obey the Lord by reading the Word to them and praying with them when they were very little. We disciplined them when they were disobedient because we knew if they were obedient to us and not rebellious, they most likely would grow up to obey the Lord. We trained them in love by loving them deeply from the moment they were born in hopes of them experiencing a glimpse of what God's love is like towards them. They all love and obey the Lord, thankfully. 

We trained them to love to read so when they grew up, they loved to read. We trained them to not argue and fight with each other by not allowing it the first time it happened. None of them are arguers or fighters. We trained them to be tough when they were sick or in pain. Sure, I rocked them when they had fevers and did all I could to make them comfortable but I wouldn’t allow them to complain. I taught them to suffer in silence and their spouses appreciate it.

Are there things I wish I had been better about training them in? Yes, but we covered the most important bases in raising them; the character qualities. The Pearls don’t have fat children since they taught them to think before they eat and not eat too much. {The Bible speaks about a "fat" king so even though this word may be politically incorrect, it is biblically correct.}  “When I was a kid I was trained to eat to live, not live to eat. I was taught that food makes your body healthy or unhealthy, lean or fat, that overeating was gluttony and gross. My dad was very pointed, descriptive, and honest about biblical and life principles, and I am so thankful for that” {Shoshanna Easling}.

You can train your children to be whatever you want them to be: fat or a healthy weight, love health food or love junk food, be neat or messy, be lazy or a hard-worker, be obedient or disobedient, be kind or mean, fight and argue or be a peacemaker, be joyful or grumpy. This is the power the Lord has given parents in raising their children. The Lord said that one of the purposes of marriage was to raise godly offspring. Take this seriously, women, and raise your children in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord.

Women are More Delicate

As believers in Christ Jesus, we should desire to walk after the Spirit. Yes, we are in the Spirit the moment we believe. The Spirit indwells us. However, we are commanded to walk after the Spirit and not after the flesh. I made a list recently of all the sins that characterize walking after the flesh. One of them was "emulations" {KJV}. The definition of "emulations" is "ambition to endeavor to equal or excel others {as in achievement}." 

This is exactly what feminism is doing. They say that they are fighting for "equality" with men. They are using the wrong word because in Christ, we are equal with men. We have the same worth and value in His sight as men. They should say they want to be the "same" as men. They want to be "equal" or the same as men and even excel them in every way possible. They want to take over their jobs. They want to be CEOs and Presidents. They want to leave their homes all day so they can make as much money as possible. Some women even want to become men.

We, as women who seek to please the Lord in all areas of our lives, should not be this way. We should respect the authority structure that the Lord has put into place. We should not want to take away our husband's headship over us nor try to lead the family. We shouldn't argue with them and demand our way but submissively follow them where ever they may lead us and do what they tell us to do.

"God reestablished a cardinal rule that day in the Garden that has proved wise and best. We are the weaker vessel because we are more frail and delicate. Therefore, man is our head, to give us strength and guidance. We as mothers find our greatest fulfillment as we serve God in our God-designated role in God's order. It is God's design.

God endowed a woman with a more tender, emotional nature. She feels insufficient when alone and fears the unknown. Peer opinions sway her more easily. She craves love and attention. This makeup suits a mother for the more protected role of being a keeper at home. 

Our husbands give us guidance and direction. With a more stable nature, they make wise decisions and we trust their judgment. We place confidence in their ability to lead us." {Ruth Mast}

No matter how hard women try to be the same as men, they never will be since they were created female and are the weaker sex. When I was younger with four young children and Ken traveled often, I hated being home alone without him at night. I still don't like it. Women need the protection of a man. This is the way God made it and it will always be this way. I bet even Hillary Clinton has male body guards since they will be able to protect her better than any female ones could. 

Therefore, walk in the Spirit, women. Don't try to be the same as men. Rejoice in your femininity in which the Lord created you to be. Men appreciate feminine women because it is opposite of them. They don't want masculine women and neither does God. Follow and appreciate the leadership of your husband, for this pleases the Lord.

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
1 Peter 3:7

Guilt and Self-Loathing ~ Chapter Five

Most of you have heard of the many children who are into cutting themselves today or intentionally trying to harm themselves. Do you understand what this stems from? I wish all of you would read this entire chapter about guilt and self-loathing. I will try to summarize this chapter for you but it will be difficult because Michael Pearl teaches it in such a clear and concise way.

When my children openly disobeyed us, they were fearful since they knew they were "going to get it." Afterwards however, all they wanted from us was to be comforted and loved. We would talk about what they had done wrong and our purpose for spanking them. Then we would tell them how much we loved them. This restored our relationship. For parents who refuse to spank their children when their child does wrong, their child is often left with guilt that builds up inside of them. 

Everyone has a built in conscience of knowing right from wrong. Fairly quickly in a child's life, they know when they have done wrong and if they are not properly disciplined for it, they will have guilt since it is the soul knowing itself and not liking what it sees.* Guilt will continue to grow knowing they have done wrong and eventually it will turn into self-loathing where they will want to hurt themselves as punishment in order to relieve themselves from the guilt. Child development specialists see the self-loathing and try to address that issue, but they do not have the tools to address guilt, the underlying cause.* 

Guilt is a horrible feeling. Most want to live in accordance to their conscience. If their parents haven't dealt with their guilt, they will loath themselves and no amount of "positive affirmation" will make them feel better about themselves. Modern experts think that they need to be taught to "love" themselves but no one has trouble with loving themselves. For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourish and cherisheth it {Ephesians 5:29}. It's not loving themselves they need to be taught, they need cleansing of their consciences. 

No child can be led from a pit of self-condemnation by heaping empty praise on him...Unresolved guilt lowers self-esteem to the point where one does not expect to do other than fail.* This is when the self-cutting and even breaking their bones begins. They are so disgusted with themselves and their guilt runs so deep, that they hurt themselves in hopes of ridding themselves of the guilt. 

I have known grown women do this to themselves. They didn't have parents who loved them enough to discipline them properly and in love. The guilt-burdened soul cries out for the lashes and nails of justice.* Does any parent believe this is better for a child than spankings properly administered? Do they really want their children to grow up and suffer in this way? They must see the end result of their foolishness in not obeying God in the way He commands we discipline our children for their long term good. I grieve for the women who are so guilt ridden that they try to hurt themselves and in the process, they hurt their families and many times end up destroying them.

If we allow self-indulgence and unruliness to thrive in the child, it will produce emotional instability. An undisciplined child will be insecure. Lack of self-control issues forth anger. A failure to get one's way causes self-pity. Unfulfilled lust generates restless agitation. Feelings of being treated unfairly incubate bitterness.* We all know people who struggle with these issues. Most undoubtedly, they were raised by parents who didn't love them enough to discipline them and help them get rid of their guilt and teach them self-control. Their methods for raising them only made their guilt deeper and more harmful. God has provided parents with the position and the tools to purge children of their guilt and prevent self-loathing from taking hold*

This is where the rod comes in. God's Word tells us "withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beateth him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell" {Proverbs 23:13, 14}. The properly administered spanking is restorative as nothing else can be...You theologians should understand that we are not suggesting that a parent's chastisement in any way redeems the souls of the child. But purging the emotions of guilt is a wonderful tool that enables the matured child to understand the atonement of Christ.* When a child is properly trained to know good and evil and sense the relief, after a spanking and being loved, of being relieved of guilt, when they grow up, they will more than likely desire the complete cleansing the Lord offers to all those who believe in Him and His finished work on the cross. Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water {Hebrews 10:22}. God would not have commanded parents to use the rod if it did not work something good in the child!* 

What about "time-outs?" Do they work the same thing in children? No. Time-outs tend to produce feelings of rejection...An empty room and a pouting child incubate guilt and anger. Only the rod and reproof bring correction...Time-outs provide fertile ground for the incubation of guilt and self-loathing in the heart of the child.*

You can understand why many unbelievers hate the thought of spankings today. {Although, most of them have used them in training children since the beginning of time.} They don't understand the great need for parents to make sure their children understand that disobedience and rebellion will not be tolerated in a Christian home. If children are rebelling against their parents, they most likely will rebel against the Creator of the universe.

Our hope as parents should be to train our children to walk after the Spirit and not after the flesh. Therefore, God has given us the responsibility of dealing swiftly with our children when we see them walking in the flesh and turn them towards clinging to what is good. 

*Quotes from the book.