Monday, June 11, 2012

Women Raised In Legalistic Homes


She was raised in a "Christian" home.  She was homeschooled.  She had to wear clothes that completely covered her body.  They had no television and couldn't read secular books.  They couldn't be in youth groups or socialize with the secular world at all.  After church, the parents would criticize the sermons and make sure the children knew truth. 

This sounds like a religion composed of legalism rather than a relationship with Jesus.  She ended up leaving the family at 18 years old and rebelled from everything she was taught.  She drank, smoke, and slept around.  Eventually, she turned back to the Lord and found who she was in Christ.  Her worth comes from Him and not a set of rules.

I have read several young women's blogs that have come from this experience.  They have a lot of good things to say now but they are still very young and have some deep scars from their upbringing.  She doesn't believe in biblical submission {none of these younger women seem to because they were so victimized by men when they were younger} and they believe modesty only means to not wear real expensive clothing.

They are still learning.  They seem to have hearts for the Lord and I pray they continue to have teachable hearts.  Their parents made mistakes.  I am sure they did what they thought was best.  Most parents do.  We all make mistakes but from raising my children, the most important thing we wanted was our children's heart. 

We wanted them to love God with all of their heart, soul, mind, and strength.  He does have rules for us, however.  He expects us to walk in obedience to those rules.  They are for our good.  Just like we, as parents, have rules for our children to follow for their own good.

We must not throw the baby out with the bathwater.  God wants us to dress modestly.  He wants us to dwell on the good and lovely.  He wants us to reserve sex for marriage.  You must teach your children these truths.

Then you must love them like crazy, laugh a lot, and let them see the joy of the Lord.  They must see you walking the talk.  If they see hypocrisy, it won't work.  Live what you believe.  Be warm, loving, and affectionate with them.  Make sure they know who they are in Christ.

Set boundaries.  Don't ever be afraid of setting boundaries for fear they may rebel.  Only children with rebellious hearts rebel.  Work with your children's hearts.  Jesus transforms hearts.  Help them fall in love with the Lover of their souls.

Finally, pray.  Pray a lot.  Ask God for wisdom and keep seeking Him.  He promises to give wisdom to those who ask.  Ask and you will receive.

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find;
knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
Matthew 7:7

Hearts 4 Home

Comments (15)

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Sarah LaBelle's avatar

Sarah LaBelle · 667 weeks ago

Lovely post, Lori.
This has been my verse for the week to help strengthen my parenting.
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." (Philippians 4:8)
1 reply · active 667 weeks ago
I love that verse also, Sarah! A great verse to focus upon in raising children.
This is a great post. I really love that you followed up the teaching children paragraph with "Then you must love them like crazy, laugh a lot, and let them see the joy of the Lord." So very true. Love and prayers with boundaries and understanding - so hard yet so important to set the foundation needed. And understanding that not everyone has such foundations and we need to meet them where they are as God continues to change hearts. Thank you for this

Marissa @ forfunreadinglist.blogspot.com
1 reply · active 667 weeks ago
Great thoughts, Marissa. Love along with the Holy Spirit is what changes people.
Loved this post! I have seen, far too many times, parents who try to hover over their children, protecting them from every single thing that could potentially draw them away from the Lord. Yet, the very act of being legalistic has practically pushed the children to "go crazy" with the first taste of adulthood.

As you said, it all comes down to teaching children that being a Christian is about a relationship with the Lord, not about a set of rules. It is when we love the Lord that we will be compelled to obey His commandments... but the relationship has to come first!
1 reply · active 667 weeks ago
Exactly, Alana. Love needs to be our guiding principle. I have always wanted to please the Lord because I love Him! Children should want to please their parents because they love them.
Oh this is sooo good!! So many Christians do walk away due to the rules they think they can't follow, or they feel they just cant be good enough. What a lie straight from the enemy!! We must reach out to those that feel this way and love on them, even when they feel unlovable.
1 reply · active 667 weeks ago
Yes and remind them that they can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens them!
I think the missing component in these girls' lives is grace. Parenting by rules is so much easier than parenting with grace.
1 reply · active 667 weeks ago
Cynthia Swenson's avatar

Cynthia Swenson · 667 weeks ago

Prodigal parents, prodigal children, carnal Christians, proud Christians, there is hope for everyone in Jesus Christ! We do need to repent of sin. God is kind & forgiving. Turn to Him! Love & prayers, in Jesus, Cynthia
I grew up in a very legalistic home and there was rebellion within my siblings. It is a difficult balance. I really love how you focus on winning the kids hearts. The Lord has been teaching me that for a while now. I think the rules of your home are not going to make your kids rebel but not winning their heart will. I did a post on this a while back. http://allisonreneemom.blogspot.com/2011/10/mommy...

Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for your gracious attitude towards legalistic parents. As someone whose family has been very legalistic, it is clear to me that many times, these parents are also living in that bondage that comes with not understanding grace, or the freedom that comes with it. They truly are trying to do what is right. Also, a lot of times, the pursuit of righteousness, or personal holiness, is a stumbling block that blinds people to their need for grace. When I think of my childhood, the verse that comes to mind is this: "Though thou exalt thyself as the eagle, and though thou set thy nest among the stars, thence will I bring thee down, saith the Lord." (Obadiah 1:4 KJV) I am grateful that he did bring us down, in the form of an ugly sin, because through that, we truly saw grace! Please continue to pray for those who have not yet recognized the fullness of God's grace.
I highly recommend the book raising Godly Children in an Ungodly world. Separation and boundaries are very important but so is the heart from which they come. The awesome responsibility that falls on parents is overwhelming at times but it's a comfort to kn God cares about our children more than we do.

KML www.lessonfromivy.com
"Only children with rebellious hearts rebel."

This line really bothered me. To me, the definition of rebellion is established by the parents, not the child. When I fled my Bill Gothard-worshiping legalistic home as an 18-year-old girl, I instantly became the black sheep of the family. Why? Because I rejected the Old Testament version of God and organized religion, and instead chose to embrace the notion of a Creator who is Love. Because I chose a completely different career path than my parents had chosen for me. Because I wore clothes that didn't show skin and weren't tight, but actually fit me (as opposed to the wardrobe 4+ sizes too large that my parents deemed as "modest"). Because, heaven forbid, I went on casual dates with really nice guys, yet retained my virginity for years. Because I tried a Budweiser once (and hated it). Because I had several different social groups I superficially associated with (mainly out of a desperate need to understand how the world works after a lifetime of extreme isolation), and some of them did drugs although I never witnessed those activities or partook.

A few years ago, my father labelled me as "self-destructive" and "rebellious". I don't understand why. He's been married and divorced four times in the last decade, drinks and smokes, and has alienated everyone in his life with his hateful, religion-based tirades. My adult life has been committed to seeking the responsibility and stability that my parents never provided, while maintaining some of the standards of my upbringing that I think are positive.

Yet, in my parents' eyes, I am a wicked, evil rebel.

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