Thursday, February 19, 2015

Is NOT Having Children Selfish?


Think of all the excuses for not having children. I am too tired. I want to travel and have a career. We want to enjoy life as a couple first. We don't make enough money. They take too much work. Did you notice that not one of those excuses included God, the Great Provider and His desires for us?

Kelly Crawford has ten children and is open to any more the Lord may bless her with. She has gone over all the buts....and the reasons to use birth control but she keeps coming back to this ~

All those things are self-centered things that completely disregard the eternal hand of God in my family, in this, my short life. And I am called to not set my mind on the things of the earth so much.

This is unselfishness. Having a lot of children and sacrificing your "me time" and peace and quiet in your home is an act of sacrifice. She has decided that raising godly offspring is more important to her than any earthly riches or pleasures. I sure wish more Christian couples had this eternal view when it comes to children.

Up until birth control was invented, most couples had no choice but to have all the children God blessed them with. Even after it was invented, most preachers and churches preached against it. What happened between now and then? Are we so highly intellectualized that we know more than all of them. Is birth control a good thing? Has it contributed good things to our world?

NO! It has allowed people to think that they should control their fertility instead of trusting the Lord. It has allowed promiscuity to flourish since unmarried couples can have sex without worrying about pregnancy, but if they do get pregnant, they can get an abortion.

Now, I am not saying to never use birth control, as I have stated before. This is an issue that needs to be decided between a husband and his wife. A wife must respect her husband's decision whatever it is since he is the head of the home and will be answerable to God for how he lead his family. {Hopefully, he will take his wife's desires into consideration.} I just want you to ponder your decisions in light of Scripture and how society has perverted what God calls very good. It is so easy to become selfish and think only upon our own needs and desires, instead of seeing the whole picture, eternity, especially in this entitlement mentality society that we live in.

Think carefully about the decisions you make. Study Scripture, pray about it, and read other people's experience of allowing the Lord to bless them with children. Don't just go headlong into what everyone else is doing, even those inside the church. Make your decisions based upon God's deepest desire for you, not society's.

Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, 
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Psalm 127:3

***The picture is a young couple Ken and I mentored! 
They are very happily married and enjoying their precious twin daughters.

Comments (47)

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The Bible called them blessings!!
God loves people more than anything, we should too.
I would love more! :) But 3 C-sections! Fear holds me back..... but I have been blessed by my 3 for sure. x
5 replies · active 527 weeks ago
People always assume that you will have 15 kids if you don't use birth control. That's just not true many couples only have three or four kids. Some struggle with fertility and can't have any. In general, our bodies do a good job of spacing children.
2 replies · active 527 weeks ago
HappyHomemaker's avatar

HappyHomemaker · 527 weeks ago

My husband only wanted one. I had him by c-section and then used different forms of birth control after he was born, I went to a doctor one time who asked if I wanted more children, I said yes, but my husband doesn't. She then told me that I could just stop taking my birth control and get pregnant anyway (needless to say I never went back to her). Anyway fast forward many years and I had to have a hysterectomy and the doctor told me that I was so scarred up inside (I guess from c-section) and things were so messed up that he doubted that I would have ever been able to have another child anyway. I would always pray that if God wanted us to have more, that He would change my husband's mind, and I know God could have done that. I always felt like I should obey my husband in this matter, but then I would hear different Christian perspectives that I was sinning due to using birth control and that I shouldn't use it under any circumstances, so I would be confused. But, like all the other times I try to create an exception for myself and why I shouldn't have to obey in this area, I kept coming back to Ephesians 5:24 Therefor as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands IN EVERY THING. (When I wanted my way, I would always say "well he's not saved"---then one day it dawned on me, that verse doesn't say submit as long as he is a believer, it says submit. And wow, once that realization hit me, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and then I found myself much more joyful. You see when I stopped trying to create exceptions for everything and just followed God's word, things became much more peaceful in our home. I'm not perfect and I still have that unsubmissive spirit at times, but thank God, he reminds me of my role as a wife and brings me to repentance.
1 reply · active 527 weeks ago
I just finished a book called "Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing" by Sheila Kippley and it talks about how nursing your baby totally (including no pacifier or bottle) causes breastfeeding amenorrhea (lack of fertility) for an extended time and that allows most woman to have there children spaced two to three years apart naturally with no other forms of birth control. Interesting book and it just seems to be what God intended for child spacing!
2 replies · active 527 weeks ago
I recently read a statistic. At the current rate of growth, muslims in America will outnumber us by 2030! So, if there is a chance that a Christian family will have children that will walk with the Lord and vote conservatively then I feel they are being incredibly selfish by not having as many children as God blesses them with. (And as many as the husband is willing to have). I know so many Christian families who only have 2 or 3. The woman always says things that are so harsh sounding to me...'I am done...there is no way I will put myself through this again!' "if he wants another baby HE can do the labor!" Or, "we just can't afford to send any more to college." Never taking into consideration that if God is BLESSING them with an open womb He is capable of getting them all to college if that is HIs Will!
As a woman whose womb was never opened this area is also very painful to me. My dream had been 12 children. More if God wanted. I was a quiver full member before I ever heard the word! But God had other plans for me. Very late in life....after over 25 years of prayer, He blessed us with a newborn boy. To say I don't ache for a houseful would be a lie. To say I have laid down my dream would also be a lie. But I am content. I think of how close my little man could have come to being an abortion statistic and how life would have been so empty without him. To me it is the same if you take birth control and avoid a baby. That is still a life that had no chance. How many lives have Chrsitian women turned away each morning as they take a pill? How many blessings! How many opportunities to watch God move in amazing ways in finances to support each new and miraclous life!? My brother and sister both did this. Even in my Independent Baptist Church I see family sizes numbered and controled.
We are losing our nation and one reason is our selfishness with our time and money. Can you imagine the kind of world we would live in if there were more Duggars, or Bates or Crawfords?
2 replies · active 527 weeks ago
AMEN! All children are blessings from the Lord!
Timely topic for you to write about. My husband doesn't want to have any more children - not because of the actual children, but because of my difficult pregnancies. They ARE really really difficult, but I think I would still be willing to do it again. My babies are so worth it. My husband agrees they are worth it, but just doesn't want me (and him, and the kids) to go through all of it again and says 4 is enough! It is so confusing and hard to decide.
2 replies · active 527 weeks ago
The question Is not having children selfish? In my opinion i would say absolutely it is selfish not to have children. If a woman is unable to do to health related matters or concerns of that nature than to me that is the only reason.
To have children you don't need a big house, fancy SUV, etc. you need love, patience and God leading the way. My wife has a friend she went to school with who bought a weight loss clinic and her husband is a police officer and they have said many times they do not want kids. They are both somewhere in there mid to late 30's. Its so sad they won't know the joy of their baby's cries, babies hugs and smiles. They are missing out on one of God's greatest gifts. Yes parenting is tough and in today's society quite a challenge with the temptations of the world. But there is nothing more breath taking than being there and watching your child being born an watching them take their first breathe.
And yet some would rather work, work, work.....its sad. They don't know what they are missing
1 reply · active 527 weeks ago
Aborting a baby to wait for 6 more months!!!!! I think that is the most shocking thing I might have ever heard!!! What huge difference is 6 months going to make??!! Oh what a twisted way of thinkers we have become!! Someone once said, 'we apply for curses (debt) and refuse blessings (babies).' Unbelievable!
2 replies · active 527 weeks ago
I'm catholic so I'm against any form of contraception, but I think that even non Catholics should agree that the invention of contraceptives was another step against families: many men lost respect for women, and started to see them like objects, just for pleasure, promiscuity became "easy" (no 'risk' of pregnancies). Also contraceptives introduced the idea that you 'decide' how many kids you want, they are no longer a gift from God, they are something that you plan, so they can fit in your life (so you can have all the time you want to travel, pursue a career, etc.). I think that we should see them as blessings.
1 reply · active 527 weeks ago
I am proof that you can love a baby that comes at any time. I was 18 and a senior in high school when I got pregnant with my first and so was my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I kept our baby and married. We have been happily married for almost 21 years. We now have 9 beautiful children ages 21 years to 5 months old. We also have 1 adorable little grandson who is 9 months old. God has been so faithful to us and we are so grateful to Him.
1 reply · active 527 weeks ago
I agree, but I do not believe it was God's intention for us to be pregnant every 12 months. Because of the toxic world we live in, many women return to fertility soon after the birth of their baby even when following the breastfeeding birth control method. I am one of them! I have read that it is usually caused from a hormone imbalance and it is really unhealthy to be pregnant that often. It also is not good good for your baby because many women, myself included, dry up soon into a new pregnancy and I can't stand the thought of putting my baby on formula. I won't use hormonal birth control but we do use birth control until I've nursed the baby for a full year. Look into Healthy Families For God and their Biological Breastfeeding and Why It Doesn't Always Work. Nothing in this world is the way God originally intended it so we have to do the best we can! I love your thought provoking articles though, thanks for them!
5 replies · active 527 weeks ago
My husband and I had decided that we would leave this decision up to the Lord, and we have had 4 blessings so far. I have been struggling with these selfish thoughts recently, not wanting more for a while, not really trusting the Lord. Nor wanting to go through that with my body again right now, not wanting to go through morning sickness, labor, weight gain. Feeling like I won't be sufficient to care for another. And even just watching those mothers who had children at the same time as I did with my first couple starting to have independence, and more time with their spouses again while I am very much needed at home. But I finally realized that it is far and sidelines, not His will that had taken over my thoughts, and it occurred to me what sort of faith do I have if I only submit while it's easy? I'm finally feeling at peace again with just trusting the Lord. I think it is most often selfishness and fear that makes people not want children.
I struggled with infertility and God blessed me with children through adoption. I can't imagine not having them!
Health issues have made me permanently sterile but I'm of the posture that God can do anything. I know this because all three of my kids were conceived while I was using birth control. I take it as God's sense of humor and mercy, reminding me that I don't have the right to tell God under what terms He can build my family.
Thanks for some great points there
An impressive share
I have two and I feel they are enough. Although my husband would like to have more, I do think am ready to go through the process again. It gives me chills

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