Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Giving His Daughter a Purity Ring


We didn't give our daughters purity rings. We taught them about purity and did everything we could to make sure that they were well-educated in sex and marriage the way God intended it to be. They did go to a purity camp and they both committed themselves to purity before marriage. 

As you know, the Bates have a television show. I watch it and the Duggar's show. I enjoy watching families who desire more than anything to do things God's ways. This past episode, Gil Bates, the father, gave his daughter a purity ring. The parents have decided to do this when their daughters get around the age that they notice members of the opposite sex. 

The mother went out and bought a beautiful dress for Carlin and flowers were delivered to her; the ninth child out of nineteen. Then the mother and father took her to a nice restaurant. The father took the ring and said these words to her ~

Being pure until you are married, saving yourself for your husband alone, that's God's design; one man, one woman, for life. You've already lived such a godly life. I'm so happy. So this is a little gift we got you. It's valuable but what you are is way more valuable than any gift we could give you. What God's given you is a wholesome, pure life and I want you to keep it until the day that I hand you off to some fine young man and he'll begin to take care of you. We love you." {They both were shedding tears at this point.}

In the background was a song being played by Tyrone Wells called,  Always Love You.  Some of the words were, "I will guard your innocence. All I ask in recompense is to know the Truth inside your Father's heart...I will always love you..." It was a beautiful song and a very touching scene. I wish you all could have seen it.

Therefore, mothers, whether you do a fancy event to give your daughters a purity ring or simply make sure you speak often to them about purity, it is very important in this evil society that we live in. You don't want them learning about sex and marriage from the world, but from God's Word and God wants you to teach your children in His ways. If they learn it from the world instead, it will put them straight on the path to destruction. Also, make sure they know how very much the Lord loves and values them. Help them to find their worth in Christ, know who they are in Christ, and not to look for their identity in things of this world.

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: 
that you abstain from sexual immorality; 
that each one of you know how to control 
his own body in holiness and honor, 
not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.
I Thessalonians 4:3-5

Comments (19)

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I have appreciated your posts about teaching children sexual purity, and I'd love to hear some suggestions for HOW to introduce this topic to children. I really find myself completely at a loss with this one and would love to hear your perspective.

By the way, your website does not like me putting in my email or website - it always comes up with "invalid." Thus, if you just see my name, you'll know why! :)
Diana
3 replies · active 526 weeks ago
That's too bad. I have no idea how to fix it. I will ask my daughter if she can fix it! Ken sat the boys on his lap when they were about 8 and 10 and explained everything to them. We sent our children to purity camps and gave them books about it. We were also very open to any questions they had. We wanted them to feel free to discuss anything with us. We mostly taught them the Word of God and God's boundaries in this area for us and told them that His boundaries are for our protection, not to keep us from fun, but to keep us safe.
Diana, sometimes mine does that if I've accidentally inserted a space at the end of my email address.
Ooh, that's probably it. I'll try that next time. Thanks!
I loved watching this episode! We want to do this for out daughter. We have 3 boys so far and my husband is planning to have several talks with them about purity as they grey older, but I think making a special night/gift for your daughters is so special. Girls need to feel loved and treasured by her father so she doesn't seek that love and attention other places.
1 reply · active 526 weeks ago
It's so true, Brit. My daughters weren't flirts because they knew they were loved so deeply by their father. They didn't need the boys' attention. Having a Father who loves his daughters this way is such a blessing!
What is purity camp? I have never heard of it. Thank you.
1 reply · active 526 weeks ago
They were weekend camps my children attended around the junior high age where they learned all about purity. The girls and boys had separate camps and they all really enjoyed it. I'm not sure they have them anymore.
My friend's daughter is 14 and I know she has not done anything more than kiss a boy. But she's seen a lot. My friend let her read the Twilight series at age 9. She doesn't really hold back anything from her ever. So her eyes don't have that same glow in a way. It's strange. I feel like she knows too much/has seen too much for her age. So even though she is still pure in a physical sense, in a heart sense she isn't.
1 reply · active 526 weeks ago
God commands that we dwell on the lovely and the pure, even as adults, let alone children. We need to be very protective of our children's innocence and allow them to enjoy the good things in life without knowing all the garbage going on around them. Teach them Truth but they don't need details of all the sin in the world.
I know a girl who received a purity ring, but she never married. Though she liked the concept, she also found it awkward and eventually took it off when people asked her if her ring was for anything special. That's one of the downsides.
1 reply · active 526 weeks ago
The upside is that she could share with others why she wore it. It would be a huge testimony to others and a great conversation piece to get the conversation started. A daughter would have to be very confident in her convictions and be able to speak them clearly in order to do this, however. If it embarrassed her or she really didn't understand the reasons, she'd have a hard time with it.
I had a purity ring that my parents gave me on my 13th birthday. It was a ruby to remind me that a godly woman is worth more than rubies. It was a nice event, but I didn't really wear the ring everywhere.

In some ways, the purity ring ceremony is good, but mostly because you're having your child make a commitment to stay pure. Wearing the ring is more of a fad and less useful, in my opinion. It can even cause confusion (like maybe a young man will think she's already engaged and not pursue her). So I'm not sure we will do the purity ring thing with our girls.

I do think it's important to choose our words carefully, whether we do purity rings or not. The goal isn't to stay pure until marriage. Purity is a way of life that should stay with us, even after marriage. Purity before marriage means refraining from sex. Purity after marriage means wholeheartedly engaging in sex with our spouse and never with anyone else. The problem with purity rings is that it can lead girls to think that their virginity is the most important thing about them or that sex is impure. This can lead to problems in marriage as they see sex, even with their husband, as dirty or unclean.

It's important that we teach our children what sex is supposed to be in marriage and why it's wrong and harmful outside marriage. They need a comprehensive understanding of sex and it's proper place, not just a prohibition or a one-time promise to wait for marriage. If a purity ring can help them remember what's right, great. But what will work far better than any ring is parents who teach the Biblical view of sex consistently and thoroughly.
1 reply · active 526 weeks ago
Yes, I think if we are very clear with the whole aspect of purity to our children, they wouldn't mind having a purity ring one way or the other. The very most important thing is to teach your children from the very beginning. Some girls may enjoy a ring from their father and what it symbolizes; others may not.
I did not have one when I was a teen. My husband and I did get one for our daughter when she turned 15. We consistently teach her biblical views on purity, love and relationships. She likes to wear the ring NOT as a reminder to herself...that would be silly, as she doesn't need "reminded" that she has chosen to live out the biblical standards of purity and holiness to the best of her ability. But, she likes to wear it as a symbol to OTHERS that she is a Christian and that her faith is important to her. The ring has allowed her to have conversations with other teens that have never even considered "staying pure". She says it's also turned away a couple boys, too...which is SUPER! She's not interested in having any boy interested in her that doesn't support and share her faith.
1 reply · active 526 weeks ago
I think it takes great courage for young girls to wear one and stand for purity in the midst of a crooked generation, then to share with others why she wears it. Yay for your daughter, Amy!
Whether someone wears a ring/gives a ring or not, it is really nice to have this example of parents being involved with their children and guiding them in a loving way.
My dad bought my sister and me a purity ring when we were young teenagers. I was so thankful for it and the influence he had on my life to stay pure.
It is so true, if we don't teach our children, someone will and probably not in the best way.

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