Friday, January 17, 2014

Husbands Are Powerless Leaders???

For 22 years I blasphemed the Word of God.  I disrespected, dishonored, and disobeyed my husband. He was raised by a mother who never argued with his father and showed him honor, respect and love.  Ken had no clue what to do with me, except to try to win me over by trying to please me.

Most of you think Ken should have simply loved me, which is what he did.  But now I wonder? Would I have not been better off if Ken had showed me love by sitting me down and explaining to me the gravity of my sin?  If instead of giving in to my strong will, maybe he should have called on me to submit and obey?

Well, now having wasted 22 of the best years of our lives together, I wish Ken would have done whatever it took, in love, to bring me to my senses.  I wish his view of love would have told me that I must no longer walk in sin and blaspheme the Word of God.  I wonder if Ken should not have set standards of behavior for me, and if I did not meet them, or at least try to meet them , should he have tried to use consequences to discipline me for my own VERY good?

What kind of discipline could he have chosen that might have gotten my attention and made me realize that our marriage was to be husband led, and not led by a wife’s fluctuating emotions and desires?  He could have said that every time I got into an argumentative mood with him, I would have to give him a twenty minute massage.  Perhaps every time I showed disrespect to him, I had to do all the housework that week without his help.  Every time I disobeyed him, he could have figured out some creative discipline that fit the crime that would get my attention and make me at least think twice.

Ken works with some fine Christian men who are being consistently badgered by their "godly" wives. From the comments on the post yesterday, many of you think a husband should do nothing but love their wife when she is difficult and disobedient.  

Well, my marriage is proof of what happens when a husband loves a wife and waits patiently for her to change and to come to grips with God’s calling on her life and marriage.  Yes, the end results are wonderful, and we now have a great marriage, but all the pain I caused Ken and our marriage can never be erased, nor can those years of strife be remade into years of joy and harmony. Gone, finished, over.

When a part of life is wasted it can never be remade, and that is why I work tirelessly “to teach the younger women” so that they will not fall into the same trap of Satan from which I have been redeemed.

   Wives are to win their disobedient husbands without a word, but this admonition is not given to husbands to win their wives. Why? Because husbands are to lead and to love their wives as Christ loves the Church.  Christ disciplines the church.  Read the book of Hebrews and tell me that Christ is not actively disciplining those who will not submit to and obey his will, precisely because he loves us so much! 

Many men are married to rebellious wives. Are these godly heads of the home supposed to stand by powerlessly and allow their wives to manipulate them and control them day after day?

No, husbands can't use a "rod" on their wives.  That is specifically used for children by parents according to many verses in Proverbs, but I definitely believe a loving husband should have some power to try and stop his "godly" wife from blaspheming the Word of God.

Apparently many do not take the sin of an unsubmissive wife very seriously, like Sunshine Mary's husband did when he gave her modest discipline by not buying her a new dishwasher when she disobeyed him.  He wanted to nip her disobedience in the bud or at least show her that he was not going to be a pushover.  

Was it drastic?  No. He did not yell, scream, or pout, he just handed out the consequences. It wasn't about the dishwasher.  It was about showing leadership and holding his wife accountable for what she said she believes in:  The Word of God and submission to her husband.

Ephesians 5:25-27 states, Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her: that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless.

If it is Christ’s job to sanctify the church and make her holy, do you not think Christ does whatever he needs to in order to accomplish His will?  He sure does and He is first and foremost loving, but He also disciplines us by allowing us to suffer the consequences of our sins and much more.

A loving leader wants his wife to walk in holiness and may use some creative or firm leadership to do that.  So long as he is loving in what he does and his motives are right, I believe that according to these verses, this is part of the role of husband as leader.

I know this goes against the sensibilities of the typical American couple, but just ponder what might happen when godly husbands who love and value their wives are willing to gently, firmly, and lovingly lead their wives and family.

If husbands are to be the leaders, they must be given the liberty to lead, as the Spirit leads them, with the only restraint to the leadership being the admonition, “Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church.” Aside from that admonition, stop telling your husband what he cannot do and instead go to him and challenge him to lead you. Because if you are anything like me, you need his loving leadership in your life to help you walk in holiness, as Christ sanctifies the Church.

***Ken and I wrote this post together! :)