Friday, February 21, 2014

A Marriage Full Of Weeds

She wants out.  She is fed up with her husband.  
This is the comment she left recently on one of my posts ~

My husband is a selfish man who lives as a bachelor with no regard for me or our child.  He has chosen him and his circumstances over us, every time.  One time we were locked out of the house, on a freezing cold snowy day.  We tried to break into the house.  My keys were inside so we couldn't start the car either.  We called him and he said he was still bowling so he could not come home.  We were having a certain problem and he told me I just needed to fix the problem.  He has always refused to go to counseling.  I feel like his maid, his mother.

Our marriage is an over grown garden full of weeds.  I am ready to leave him.  I am so tired of not being able to count on him to have my back.  He is more like a brother, one that I don't like, than a husband.  I just want out!  

How I will respond to her is how I respond to all women I mentor.  I will not try to get her to change her husband through different tactics but through the tactics spelled out in Scripture.  I will address her to try to see where she may be part of the problem and encourage her to become the godly woman God wants her to become.

I know there are some of you who can relate to her desperation.  What would you tell her?  Yes, he sounds like a selfish man but I would ask her if she is a selfish woman.  I would ask her if she has a gentle and quiet spirit that is so precious to God.  Is she submissive to him and shows him respect even though he doesn't deserve it?  Has she tried to win him by becoming a more godly woman?

This marriage probably began with two people in love.  After the warm, fuzzy feelings wore off, she probably began focusing on his faults instead of his good qualities.  She began having contempt for him instead of respect.  This is a fallen world.  She will never find a perfect spouse.  If she can't respect this spouse because of certain weaknesses, she will never be able to respect any spouse. Thus, the vicious ugly cycle begins and the marriage goes downhill.  She shows him contempt and they both begin treating each other with contempt, instead of with gentleness and forgiveness.

  The Bible says that when a husband is disobedient to the Word, win him without a word.  I would beg her not to leave him.  He has done some wrong things but nothing worthy of divorce.  We want out too easily today.  Life is hard.  Marriage is hard but that doesn't mean you should quit.

Work on yourself and allow the Lord to work on him.  Love him even when he doesn't deserve it.  We are not very good at being living sacrifices and servants to others, especially our husbands.  If she began loving, serving, and pleasing him, I am sure she would draw him to her and he would want to protect her.

You may tell me I am a dreamer and this way doesn't always work.  I have seen it work too many times to discount it.  I believe God and His promises.  It may take a long time but I believe she would eventually win her husband to herself and they could have a strong, good marriage.  Please don't give up whoever you are.  Fight for your marriage.  Your child needs a daddy.  You will very much appreciate having a husband in your old age that you have grown old with.  It will be worth the fight.

What therefore God hath joined together,
let not man put asunder.
Mark 10:9