Tuesday, July 15, 2014

She Wished She Knew Her Parents Had Sex

When I was young, around ten or so, I was at my neighbor's home across the street. She told me her parents had sex a lot. I told her my parents were Christians and only had sex three times! When my sons were young, one of them asked Ken if he had sex with me only four times. Ken looked at them and asked, "Four times this week?"

Thejoyfilledwife wrote me this about her childhood and what her parents 
taught her about sex after I explained to her how we taught our children ~

I think that is SO crucial and important. How I wish I had that kind of influence from my parents. Most of the time, my parents went to bed separately, slept with their door open, or had one of my younger siblings asleep in their bed with them. I don't recall EVER seeing my parents show affection, except a small peck on holidays after they opened their gift from one another. That was very hard on me growing up, especially with affection being so important to me. My parents spent most of their time complaining to us kids about each other and I remember wondering throughout my childhood if I was going to wake up one day to find that my parents were going to divorce. I longed for a Biblical, affectionate marriage all of my life and I knew that I would have to go to the Bible and read a lot about how it takes to have one since I didn't have that example in my own life. 

I remember spending time with friends who would say how grossed out they were that they overheard their parents late one night having sex. I never told them, but I would have gladly traded places with them, if for no other reason than to take comfort in knowing that my parents still desired each other. 

All of her four siblings grew up to have very warped views about sex. They either became very sexually promiscuous or so overly conservative.  She has told me that they will kiss on the lips, but that they think anything more than a peck is disgusting and worldly. Normal sex, traditional position, is acceptable, but every other form of sexual expression is sinful.

How do we teach children about purity before marriage and FUN after marriage in a sexually saturated society that views sex far from the ways of God? I will just tell you how we raised our children in this area.

After the boys asked Ken about how many times we had sex, Ken sat them down and explained the facts of life in this area. We were always open with our children. They knew if our door was locked, they were not to disturb us. We didn't allow our children to ever sleep in our bed with us. We weren't afraid to hug and kiss in front of them. They knew we enjoyed sex and thought it was a very good thing in marriage and a very bad thing outside of marriage.

We sent them to a purity camp. We NEVER spoke as if sex was sinful. We told them they needed to wait until marriage to have sex and we gave them boundaries in order to attain these goals. It didn't seem that difficult. Be open with your children when they ask questions. Explain to them all the terrible consequences of sex outside of marriage and the wonderful, fun plan of sex inside of marriage; enjoyment of each other and making precious babies.

Our children always knew that sex inside of marriage was never something dirty but a gift from God that was worth saving for their spouses. From the looks of it, they all appear to be VERY happily married. Actually, they have all told me they love being married!

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.
Proverbs 5:18,19