Monday, November 23, 2015

She has a Merry Heart ~ Chapter Two

Most people thought of me as a positive and happy person most of my growing up years. In fact, one time in my public high school, I walked by a group of guys and smiled and said, "Hello!" One of the guys said to the rest, "She'd smile if she was a piece of sh*t in the toilet!" {It's funny how you never forget mean words said about you.} However, it does give you a clue as to how others viewed me!

The problem was when I got married. I was often upset with Ken but I knew I was happy with everyone else. Therefore, I thought it was him who caused me to lose my joy. As soon as I read the second chapter in Debi's book, I realized it was MY problem! Immediately, I began smiling at him whenever I saw him! This is the first assignment I give to every woman I have ever mentored since most have forgotten to smile at their husbands. A merry heart is the foundation of health and happiness. And the day you have a merry heart will be the first day of rebuilding your marriage into the heavenly gift it was meant to be.*

When we smile warmly at our husbands, they sense that we accept them and appreciate them. Also, they feel like we are happy to see them! I love even smiling at people in stores, in parking lots or wherever I am. They almost always smile back at me. There is POWER in a smile!!! I have also found it to be a great face lift as I have gotten older. "A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance" {Proverbs 15:13}. Everyone is drawn to a smile and wants to be a friend to someone overflowing with goodwill. Men are highly attracted to smiles...Women spend billions of dollars every year to make themselves more attractive, but the most effective beauty aid is free - a joyful smile.*

There have been studies done asking men all over the world what was the most important quality they look for in a woman and it is a joyful woman! Everyone likes being around joyful people. Life is difficult. Dwelling on all of the ugliness of the world will NEVER make you joyful. You must begin to do what the Lord commands you to do; Dwell on the lovely, the good, and the pure!

In this chapter, we come to my favorite quote from Debi; "No man has ever crawled out from under his wife's criticism to become a better man - no matter how justified her condemnation.* I have memorized this quote since I use it so often! God commands us to overcome evil with good. Constantly criticizing our husbands will NEVER draw them closer to us; in fact we are a foolish woman who tears our own home down if we criticize our husbands thinking this will shape them up. It's NOT our job to make them into a godly man; it is the Lord's job. Whenever you are upset with him, quickly train your mind to think of all the good qualities that he possesses. You will never win him to yourself by being angry and upset with him. The tool of your warfare is your loving, kind, delightful, radiant, adoring self.*

Even our tone of voice, posture and eyes show our appreciation or disapproval of our husbands. I have asked Ken to help me in this area and point out to me anytime I do something that causes him to feel disrespected. It has helped a ton! Many times, we are so used to behaving a certain way that we may not even realize we are acting inappropriately. He needs to hear gladness and appreciation in your voice when you speak to him, even when you are talking of everyday things. He needs this as much, or perhaps more than, sexual release.*

Every woman wants to feel adored, loved and cherished by their husband, however, many go about it the completely wrong way. For many years, I was trying to make Ken cherish me by being angry and critical with him. As he drew farther away from me, I would get even more angry with him and even decided at one time that he sure wasn't the husband I dreamed about. Thankfully, the Lord got a hold of my silly, foolish notion and showed me that if you want your husband to cherish you, you must work hard to cause him to want to cherish you by loving him deeply, serving, pleasing, submitting, obeying, and loving deeply. God stands with you when you stand by your man, but you will stand alone if you insist on standing by your rights. Always remember that the day you stop smiling is the day you stop trying to make your marriage heavenly, and it is the first day leading to your divorce proceedings.*

Your homework this week is to begin smiling at your husband! Don't be surprised if he can't figure out what is different about you. He may ask you if you have lost weight, changed your hair or something else. He'll know something is different about you!

Every wise woman buildeth her house:
 but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
Proverbs 14:1

***Please feel free to write quotes that touched you in the comment section or questions and insights you may have!

*Quotes taken from the book.