The goal in disciplining your children should be that they love God and obey Him. When they were young, ages one to five, we spent most of our time disciplining and training our children to be obedient to us. We reasoned if they learned to be quickly obedient to us, they would be quickly obedient to God when they got older.
We realized the importance of them knowing Jesus as their personal Savior from a young age. Without them knowing Him, nothing else mattered to us. We would sing gospel songs to them when they were young. We had them memorizing Scripture from an early age. If their hearts don't change from the power of God, all your disciplining methods will be worthless in the end. Heaven was our goal.
Having said all that, Ryan does remember being spanked! I told you in this post I didn't think my children even remembered being spanked and we didn't spank after five years old, but he does remember two times he was spanked around five or six. One time he lied to me so I spanked him for lying. He said he remembers Ken spanking him one time but he couldn't recall why. He said Ken spanked harder and longer than I did!
So I put out a questionnaire to the rest of my children to get their perspective on spanking and what they recall. I always want to be as honest as I can with all of you. My memory isn't great so I am glad I asked my children to get their perspective.
Steven remembers one time being spanked by Ken. He said he had no bad feelings about it. All of my children expressed that sentiment to me. Cassi remembers every single time she got in trouble. She has such a tender heart and hated to disappoint us. She remembers several times she got spanked and just remembers me using my leather strap. She doesn't remember the pain at all.
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.
3 John 4
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Proverbs 22:15
Steven remembers one time being spanked by Ken. He said he had no bad feelings about it. All of my children expressed that sentiment to me. Cassi remembers every single time she got in trouble. She has such a tender heart and hated to disappoint us. She remembers several times she got spanked and just remembers me using my leather strap. She doesn't remember the pain at all.
Matthew Henry wrote ~ It is better that he should cry under thy rod than under the sword of the magistrate or, which is more fearful, than under divine vengeance.
Therefore, you can use spanking if you use it in a way that is constructive to the child or any other method you choose as long as your goal is to train them to be obedient. Children want discipline. Life is a lot easier when they grow up as disciplined adults. It is much better they learn discipline from you, rather than from the government, or worse, from God.
Teach them to be other-centered and not self-centered. The world doesn't revolve around them. We are here to love God and serve others. Teach them this early.
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.
3 John 4
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Proverbs 22:15
Logging you in...
Tracy · 682 weeks ago
Brit · 682 weeks ago
The ulitimate goal for our children is grow up to be followers of God, and we hope to make every parenting decision (including how we discipline) with our ultimate goal in mind.
He's a post I wrote about the goal for our children...
http://momanswerswithbrit.com/?p=546
Rightthinker · 682 weeks ago
I read a statistic recently, that since parents (including Christians) abandoned God's clear way to raise children, for "affirmative/gentle/modern" parenting, under the advice of secular "experts", thereby accepting the world's ways in favor of God's ways, the first generation is raised, and over 50% are in therapy, and they have the highest jailed population, and failed marriage population of all time.
Again, I think my entire new slogan is going to be, "You can decide to do things your own way..the way that "feels" better, the modern way..the way you, society and "experts" say is better, but don't fool yourself that it is God's way."
Rightthinker · 682 weeks ago
The other point is I am saddened that so many "experts" today in the blog world on parenting, are parenting one or two toddlers/small children. They have no real experience, or proof! Ladies, we are to look to those who have raised God fearing children into adults, already!
I have a teen and a 9.5 year old, 8.5 year old, 6.5 year old, 2.5 year old, 18 months and I'm pregnant. I look to women who have Godly raised children, not the women who reject God's teaching for their own understanding, who have a couple of young children with no practical proof.
I'd rather go with how I was raised, and thankful I was raised with strong biblical discipline...and with the proof of other adult children who were raised this way..and more than anything else, the faith that what God says is right, is right!
All of our children are "their own people" with a voice, a personality, and respect. They have responsibility, and kindness, and are not raised to be little demi gods; believing they are the center of the world. They respect adults, authority, and are being raised with love, structure, a solid homelife rooted in the Lord and obedience.
Tiffany · 682 weeks ago
My mother in law is a very calm, sweet, laid-back person. They spanked the first two kids and then realized it was accomplishing nothing. They didn't spank the rest of them but still used consistent discipline. All of the kids are now grown and love God, go to church weekly, etc. I am following in my mother in law's example of raising children.
My point is....Spanking isn't the one common denominator in raising kids. Consistency, discipline, love, and prayer are.
Lori Alexander 122p · 682 weeks ago
The bottom line is you are 100% correct that we as believers must suffer the criticisms and condescending remarks as Christ would have us do and all the while shine His light for all to see. To win the argument but lose the relationship defeats our overarching goal of shining Jesus to the world, even to those who always have something negative and disagreeable to say.
We will all take your words to heart and hope that those who receive our responses will also give us the room to not be perfect in all we say and write. We always want to be ready to give a sincere apology when we do come across poorly or unloving in our message. Thank you for your gentle reminder to all of us.
Emily · 682 weeks ago
"I correct and discipline everyone I love..." Rev. 3:19
I'm T · 682 weeks ago
I don't plan on using any form of physical punishment, but I don't look down on parents who do. I was raised in a very strict and very religious home where there was no physical punishment whatsoever. But that doesn't mean that I don't think that it works well for some parents with personalities different from mine and my parents'.
And Lori, I absolutely agree that children need discipline. Even as a teen, I appreciated my parents for their strict rules, consistent discipline, and high standards for their children, because all of the above have really helped me not only stay on the "right track" but also reach my full potential.
Susan Case · 682 weeks ago
Comment · 682 weeks ago