The Duggar family has some very strict rules for their children.They don't want their children to kiss until their wedding day. They only want the girls to give the men they are courting a side hug. If a young man wants to court their daughters, the man has to ask Jim Bob. They are never allowed alone when going out together until marriage. They must always have a chaperon.
We had fairly strict rules for our children while they lived under our roof. We taught them about purity and what God required of them. However, all of our children were out of the home by the time they began dating their spouse. When our children were in high school, we encouraged them not to date at all. We wanted them to wait until they were old enough to marry and then date to see if they were the one. What they did after they left our home was between them and God. We trusted them as they were all walking with Jesus.
This worked well for us but I can sure understand the even stricter rules the Duggars place on their children. It is protection for them and none of the children seem to mind the rules. When they talk about them, they explain why they have these rules and seem happy about them. Boundaries are always for our protection and I believe children feel protected with boundaries, but only if they don't have a rebellious spirit.
Many think kissing is innocent, but it's not. When you are married, you sure wouldn't want your spouse kissing another woman on the mouth. It definitely gets the motor running which can always be dangerous. So waiting until the wedding would absolutely help in the purity department and the Duggars are doing everything in their power to help their children remain pure until the day they marry which is what God desires according to these verses ~
For this is the will of God, that you should be consecrated {separated and set apart for pure and holy living}: that you should abstain and shrink from sexual vice, that each one of you should know how to possess {control, manage} his own body in consecration {purity, separated from things profane} and honor, not in the passion of lust like the heathen {I Thessalonians 4:3-5}
The Duggars take these verses very seriously, unlike most Christians, in our society. Many think the Duggars are way too radical in today's society but I don't know. They seem like good rules to me if measured against God's Word and His desire for us to be pure.
They are very careful to base all of their decisions on God's Word and not on society, something we all should seek to do. I would have loved a role model like them in my life when I was growing up and then raising children.
Danielle · 571 weeks ago
Having such "rules" before marriage. I do wonder how easy it was to go from chaperones, no kissing, only side hugs to the wedding night. I'm not say be all loosy goosy before marriage. But the only thing God says is no fornication.
Should there be boundaries, of course. But aren't we all grown up enough to know to not be alone in one's bedroom? Or to allow a kiss to go too far? And if you are "burning with passiom" as you should be. (You should be desiring your future spouse, if not, do NOT marry, spare the grief and heartache of a loveless marriage) Marry sooner! Don't have these 2 yr engagements.
sarah · 571 weeks ago
FABBY · 571 weeks ago
I wish it was that way again, but sadly it is not. TV and movies do not help kids, there is to much peer pressure and we cannot control it totally...very difficult situation these days.
FABBY
FABBY
Loving been his wife · 571 weeks ago
oxo
Jamie · 571 weeks ago
Carlotta · 571 weeks ago
YsLadyMN · 571 weeks ago
I have discussed with my son, in depth, that dating is for finding your future mate... not a hobby. I have strongly stressed that sex before marriage causes problems - and not just the possible unwanted pregnancy. He is only 13 and this sort of modeling by the Duggars makes me even more BOLD in my pursuit of teaching my son principles that will protect his heart and purity.
Loving been his wife · 571 weeks ago
Brit · 571 weeks ago
Chris · 571 weeks ago
Becky · 571 weeks ago
new article Lori. :)
Becky
Jo · 571 weeks ago
I don’t think Christian families should seek the limelight as the Duggars have, a personal option that I know many don’t agree with. They have turned their family into a “firm” and that is such a pity. It is hard to know what the children really think as they have an imagine to maintain - its what keeps them in business. So I think they are all going to agree to these boundaries otherwise it would shatter all their followers. As I said, these are my own personal feelings.
Tiffany · 571 weeks ago
I just wanted to bring up a point - if you don't have enough self control to keep yourself pure without a chaperone, how are you able to be a good spouse? Self control/self mastery is important in every area of marriage. I believe it is best to teach our kids correct principles, then when they are grown they should be able to govern themselves.
Stephanie · 571 weeks ago
Melissa · 571 weeks ago
Julia · 571 weeks ago
Kim · 571 weeks ago
When I was a senior in high school, my Literary Genres teacher invited her friend to read her childhood stories she was publishing for her English Doctorate. The friend grew up in the Appalachian Mountains; she was a hillbilly. She read a story of how she and her friends determined that babies happened because of girls started shaving their legs. After the laughter died down, she stated that she was quite surprised to find out how wrong they were.
Only date to determine if she/he are spouse material. This may be good advice for some, as Josh Harris writes, but I personally question this advice. I grew up hearing how God has that special someone in mind, so wait. This is true, but when I was lonely now, when I needed someone to notice I exist now, and now becomes years, these words sounded hollow. When a few men who seem "special" arrive, I didn't know "special" if it hit me in the face. Just like shaving legs doesn't produce babies, waiting for "special" to fall into my lap didn't produce a husband.
I'm lucky as my husband and I are a perfect fit, as we were two lonely people who found each other. We both have fumbled terribly due to ignorance, and would have benefitted more from how to define "special", train your eye to see it, ask questions so to understand, rather than waiting for magic.
Tammy · 571 weeks ago
Fran · 571 weeks ago
Cyndi · 571 weeks ago
Sally · 571 weeks ago
Kristen · 570 weeks ago
I don't think they are too strict at all! I saved my first kiss for my wedding day....never dated....and, seriously, my husband and I had no problem on our wedding night. If you honor the Lord by abstaining, as His Word says, from the very APPEARANCE of evil, then He will bless you abundantly for your obedience. By not kissing, you are knocking out the temptation of going further....and believe you me, things can escalate fast when lips lock. By giving side hugs and having chaperones, you are really killing the root of what causes many problems. Bravo to them. I wish all followers of Christ took temptation, sin, purity, and holiness so seriously.
Theresa · 570 weeks ago
Caity · 570 weeks ago
I believe that dating is just setting a person up for divorce. Get together and breaking up. When a person gets married and all they have done is break up if it doesn't work... do you think the cycle is going to change?
Now that does bring up the point that many have asked "don't many courtship couples break off their relationships? " Yes! When one believes that it is not God's plan then they can call it off. But the big difference is you don't have any baggage from the physical side of the relationship that the unchaperoned dating relationship can cause and that you aren't just dating around for fun but you have a purpose!!!
Now I am currently single and am saving my first kiss for my wedding day and I admire the Duggar girls so much. They are an encouragement to me to keep on waiting. I know the Lord has a special plan for each of His children!!
Vicki Crowe · 565 weeks ago