Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Black And White, Unemotional And Not Affectionate


These are the words Jessa Duggar and her family used to describe her: black and white, unemotional, and not affectionate.  There was no condemnation or judging from anybody, just matter-of-fact, when they were saying these adjectives. This is her personality. I have the same personality and I grew up thinking it was bad.

Every summer, we would go to Wisconsin where all my mom's family vacations. I dreaded when we arrived because I knew all my aunts would hug me! I didn't like hugging when I was young. {Now I love to hug and I cry fairly easily now also.} At movies, my mom and sisters would be balling their eyes out and I wouldn't shed a tear. Something must be wrong with me, I always thought! As you can tell from my writings, I also am very black and white.

I have come to understand that being black and white, unemotional and  not affectionate are not sins! We all have different personalities and I love how the Duggars seem to just accept each child with their personality traits and encourage them often.

Some girls are out going and bubbly. Others are quiet and not too talkative. That is okay. There is no right or perfect personality. God created us all different. He never says in His Word to talk a lot {actually He tells us to not talk too much}. He never says we have to be bubbly and affectionate or even cry at movies. We are called to love others, be good listeners, and serve others but we must allow our children to blossom with their own individual personalities and love them just the way they are.

The kids long for the day when they can get out of the home and spend time with people who accept them as they are. {Michael Pearl} I encourage you to accept your children the way they are with their unique personalities. They are made in God's image and continue to reaffirm to them who they are in Christ, new creature and overcoming all things in Christ.

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: 
old things are passed away; 
behold, all things are become new.
2 Corinthians 5:17

Michael Pearl wrote a fabulous article called Who Defines Your Children? 
that is well worth reading.


Comments (4)

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I am the same way. I don't cry, I'm not at all sentimental, and I always hated hugging (especially people I didn't know well) when I was growing up. I'm much more affectionate now with my husband and kids than I ever was growing up, mostly because I know they need it. But I have to be intentional about it.
I remember listening to Elisabeth Elliot on the radio talking about her personality and she is
the same black and white, unemotional type. She prays to God in a very calm manner and doesn't get herself all worked up with emotion and feeling. It was a great relief to hear her say that.
I usually tell my family when we encounter different personality types."Not Wrong, Just different"
Thank you
Becky
I like this post! God intended us to come in all varieties.

It's just important for us to remember that others may not share our particular personality, and that's ok. Even if we don't truly understand or relate to someone else's personality, we can accept that they may enjoy different things or see the world in a very different way than we do.
This is a wonderful post Lori, and one I needed to hear! My 4 year old little girl has such a bright happy personality, she's free-spirited and a little wild and loves to do what she wants! I have been praying and thinking so much about what we can do to take those traits and hone them in the right direction. I don't want to break the beautiful spirit God gave her but I do want her to learn to respect rules and be obedient. I love in the earlier Duggar episodes how accepting and loving Michelle was of Johanna's personality - free spirited, wild, crazy, haha. It was a great example to me. Thank you for this post!

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