Wednesday, February 24, 2016

He Leaves a Messy Sink

{Written by a woman from the chat room}
Hello ladies! I would like to share something about these pictures. They are before and after shots of my husband's side of our bathroom. I would like to give some perspective here. I know many of us are tempted to be irritated by things like this. Notice the whiskers in the sink? They are hard to see here, but the sink is full of them, but irritation is not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about thankfulness. 

You see, when you have a husband who deploys, these things take on a whole new meaning. Sometimes, this is the last thing he leaves behind before he goes underway. There have been many times I looked at these things, or his pajamas left on the floor, or his shoes in the living room and thought,"He was just here, he just wore those, and now he won't for months and months." It's the last tangible evidence I have of his presence for a long time. 

Getting home after dropping him at the dock or the hangar, seeing him off for another deployment, and coming home again, I look at those pajamas on the floor and am reminded that just this morning he was wearing those pajamas and snuggled in bed with me. Tonight while I crawl into that bed alone, he has to endure the coldness of the ship's berthing or 16 hours of sitting on a jump seat or on the floor of a cargo plane, going to a hostile place and being away from the love and comforts of home. And so many times after he's left, I've left the "mess" sitting there a while. Not because I'm irritated by it, but because it reminds me of him. 

Now, that being said let me talk about these pictures. These were taken yesterday. My husband was active duty for fourteen years. He was gone a lot. He missed two of our nine children's births, and barely made it back in time for one of them. {He literally walked into the hospital with his sea bag on his back and I was beginning to push out his first son; having come straight from the hangar!} He now works a civilian job and has two years left in the Naval Reserves before he retires. He works a civilian job, drills once a month plus his two weeks out of the year. He is also in school. He does all of these things for us. He supports 9 {soon to be 10} children and a wife, and works hard so that I can stay home and raise them. This is his drill weekend. That means he won't have a day off until next Saturday, so that's 12 straight days of working, but he also has to fit in his school work around all of it. And he takes our sons to scouts. 

Yesterday, this was the "mess" he left before he went to do his "Navy Stuff," {as we jokingly call it}.  I saw it and thought, "That’s it? He didn't leave a very big mess behind!" lol! It took me less than a minute to put his things in the basket under the sink and wipe it all down. And I thought how thankful I am that he will be coming home later that afternoon and can do it again tomorrow, because he doesn't have to be gone right now. We don't have to miss him. We don't have to count the days until he gets back. We get to have him home, and I want to make sure that he feels safe and loved when he's here. 

So think about this, please ladies! When you are tempted to let these things bother you, that somewhere out there is a wife who would give anything to have her husband home to leave his things out, or track mud on the floors, or have him sitting in their couch; even if he is just watching TV or playing a video game. Be thankful he is there and you don't have to wonder and worry and miss him!

An excellent wife who can find?
    She is far more precious than jewels.
 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
    and he will have no lack of gain.
 She does him good, and not harm,
    all the days of her life
Proverbs 31:10-12

Compare her reactions to her husband to this woman's She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By the Sink.

Comments (14)

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HappyHomemaker's avatar

HappyHomemaker · 474 weeks ago

Great post today, I really enjoyed reading it. I do think we too often take for granted the blessings we are given.
I'll admit I cried reading this. It really speaks to me especially because my father died when I was very young and I watched my mother's struggle as she went through life alone. Now whenever my husband wakes me with his snoring I'm glad because it means he's alive and well and here. Same when he leaves whiskers in the sink or doesn't put his clothes away like the author's husband, I'm just so glad he's here and I don't have to go through what my mom did.
1 reply · active 474 weeks ago
I was going to post something similar. Some women wish their husbands were here to make a "mess". Of course, some are single and wish they had a husband, too.
This happens in our house, but really my husband doesn't even think about it. I am home, so it's not that hard cleaning up after him. (Truthfully, it is annoying once in a while.) Other than that, it's not worth a fuss. I don't always make the greatest meals and my husband never complains. We don't keep a list of the wrongs - that's a marriage headed for disaster. Better to enjoy each other; warts and all.
Wonderful reminder for me. Thank you to the author as well as Lori for posting this.
To the author of this post:

Thank you for the tremendous sacrifices that your family, particularly your husband, have made for our country. May the LORD bless each of you beyond measure. Your testimony of gratefulness towards your husband is beautiful. I am thankful that you have shared your story.
ContentWife's avatar

ContentWife · 474 weeks ago

This was such a sweet reminder! I'll be enjoying my husband's "mess" today (as well as the children's). Let's count our blessings!
Great post. My husband used to leave hair in the sink, until i pointed out it was gross and could he please clean it up. And he forgets occasionally. But i dont make a song and dance about it. Only takes a second to clean up. He also would leave his clothes on the floor on his side of the bed. And he knew it annoyed me. So now he either hangs them on the bedpost or on an over the door hanger. The woman in the story that you linked to was foolish. She basically ditched him over a 2 second job. Of course he could of been more considerate. But so could she. The attitude of the lady above is much more lovely.
Great post! I'll admit I get annoyed at the little whiskers in the sink, but not anymore! Thanks for sharing!
A Christian wife is encouraged to tell her husband how he can clean up his own messes if he cannot figure it out for himself. Kind, joyful requests go a long way as the vast majority of husbands want to do the right thing and please their wife. If he misses it, take the few seconds to do it for him in love, just as he picks you up in other areas of life and marriage.

Now one thing took me a long time to do and that was to squeegie down the shower. I could not understand why when it was going to be a mess again in less than a day. But if it pleases her why not. Now it's automatic.
Awesome post! That made me cry! What a beautiful spirit the writer of this post has. I am so encouraged and inspired.
Growing up there was no women's work and no men's work; there was just work. If you made a mess, you cleaned it up. Then again my parents didn't have a housekeeper and a nanny.
Dear Lori(or Ken might could answer this???)
I just really, really wish that my dear husband WOULD leave some hair and whiskers in the sink!!! He has had a beard/mustache for quite some time and I've always been ok with that, but always did like for him to keep it trimmed and neat...anything wrong or disrespectful about that??? Anyway, it has always been somewhat of an issue because he absolutely HATES to shave or spend a lot of time on grooming(don't know why but that's just how it's always been)
Well, now it has been at least four or five months since he has shaved, trimmed or done anything to his gray beard! Honestly, it looks so messy and the beard is beginning to take on the yellowish color of gray that is so unsightly to me. Oh, I have mentioned it many times and pleaded with him to at least trim it up a little to look neater, but he refuses and says a man is not supposed to "look pretty"! Then, I say(in a kind way...most of the time, lol) Well, honey could you please trim the sides a little? From the back, his beard sticks way out and when he eats there is almost always crumbs that I can see inside of this huge unruly beard of his. It has become very embarrassing to me when we are out in public, at church, etc. And, especially eating with other people. I'm sorry if this sounds wrong and disrespectful to ask him to trim up and be neater, but it seems disrespectful to me to let yourself go like this. My daughter says, "Mom, he knows it's something that you can't control and so he's doing it just to aggravate you." But, I don't think so...don't know why he would, but worry that it's a mental thing. My mom had dementia and I know that one of the first tell tale signs is not caring about your appearance. Although, he still dresses up for church and even wears a suit...isn't that trying to look pretty??? Also, he has always said that he was called to preach at age 17 even though he was in deep sin at the time and many times after that...he has even said at one time that he doesn't know if he was ever really called to preach at all??? Oh my, I know this is confusing...it confuses me too!
Well, I have written a short story here, but just wanted your take on it(Lori or Ken) and whether or not I should just say nothing(which I have been trying to do the last few weeks) or if I should ask him kindly to trim it and present himself neater. I'm trying not to be disrespectful but I'm losing some respect and desire for him because of this. Am I awful for feeling this way? What would you do Lori? I notice men that are neat and groomed and wish so much that he would be like that...not that I want them at all! Just want my husband to care about himself. I think he thinks this is bringing him closer to God maybe because he has mentioned many times that Jesus had a beard and that men aren't really supposed to trim their beards and be clean shaven. Wow! so confused but maybe you can help me sort all of this out...I do value your opinions and love your blog. Always check it out everyday! God bless!
Sandy
1 reply · active 474 weeks ago
Sandy, It's his hair and he gets to do what he wants. You've expressed your opinions to him not let it be. Thankfully, you have a husband who has a beard! Many women would love to have a husband.

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