Friday, May 27, 2016

Seeking a Career "Just in Case"


There is a troubling trend going on now. More men are becoming stay-at-home dads while the mothers go off to work full-time. With women taking over the colleges and careers, once they get married, husbands often times don't want their wives giving up their careers with the financial security they provide. Some women make more then their husbands so the husbands decide they'll stay home while their wives goes to work. Many women today go to college and get careers just "in case;" not understanding the trap they may be setting for themselves in the future.

None of this is good or God's plan for us, women. God commands the men to be the providers and women to be keepers at home with the children. Once feminism convinced women to leave their homes and pursue higher education and careers, many women have become stuck in their careers because they make more money than their husband or their husband doesn't want to give up the money his wife is earning. It's a no-win situation!

Many men don't want to work much anymore or provide for their families. I mentor women in this situation. They are the breadwinners for their families. Once these women learn their God ordained role and want to come home, their husbands often won't let them because of their wife's career. Careers trap women. They don't free women. Do you see how Satan twists things that sound so good to become so bad for women?

Getting a career "just in case" leaves out God in the equation. I had a pastor's wife comment on a post and told me her husband wanted her to work "just in case." It's sad how far we have come from God's roles for us. When I was growing up, my pastor's wife worked full-time and was rarely around except for on Sunday mornings. If the church isn't going to teach and model women being at home taking care of the children and home, who is going to teach or model it? How can a church teach women to be keepers at home if the Pastor's wife has a full-time career? A woman just yesterday sent me an email about her pastor telling her she was "judging" another woman for sharing with her about being a keeper at home because she was working herself ragged in two jobs outside of her home. When we get scolded by a pastor for teaching women to be keepers at home, it's a sad day for the Church.

I don't care if your husband is better at home and wants to be with the children and you love your job and make a lot more money. This isn't God's plan for either of you. Just because our society tells us something is fine and dandy, doesn't mean it is. We need to stop doing what culture is doing and begin obeying what the Word commands us to do.

To end this post, I want to share what Kelly Reins shared on her Facebook page yesterday, "On to my next shop, an older woman strikes up a conversation with me. She's in her eighties and spoke of the change she's seen by the affects of feminism on womanhood. 'Women no longer have children nor want them. They have jobs. And men have changed too. They want wives with jobs.' I mention the feminism in our culture and her eyes light up. 'Women have bought it and it's destroyed their dignity.' She proceeds to show me a photo of her recent family reunion, it is full, edge to edge with family members, 'This isn't all of them,' she tells me. She is the mother of nine and her children are well on their way to building their large families. 'I wanted nothing to do with children. I thought they were brats because I was a brat. The Lord did it all and I got to be a part of it. Who would have known what a joy grandchildren would bring.' She encouraged me to study theology and 'Be absolutely sure not to believe anything that isn't true. I have a grandson in his early twenties graduating from college and he already has his home. He's told me that he absolutely will not marry anyone who doesn't understand her faith.' I've been invited to her home to visit and talk theology."

Trust in the Lord with all your heart 
and lean not on your own understanding. 
In all your ways acknowledge Him 
and He shall direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:5, 6

Comments (24)

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So beautiful, Lori! I loved the line from the woman in her 80's about feminism bringing in changes in the women in particular, that are bad for society. I just wrote a new post on the virtuous Proverbs 31 woman that has a whole section about just that based off of a post from the Botkin sisters (not sure if you're aware of them, but they are amazing younger women that write some of the most thought provoking articles on becoming women of virtue again).

The post is here, and it was surprising to find out the Hebrew meanings behind the words in Proverbs 31:17! https://girlwithadragonflytattoo.com/2016/05/27/t...

The Botkin sisters' article is cited a few times in my post :) Hope you or your readers enjoy it!
1 reply · active 461 weeks ago
Thank you! I will check it out later. I love to hear of new blogs.
Nada Sheppard's avatar

Nada Sheppard · 461 weeks ago

It's one of the few areas I disagree with you, Lori. I lived with my father dying when I was still in high school and if my mother had not had a job at the time, I don't know what we would have done. My husband, likewise, has many health issues, which has seen us without an income twice already in our short marriage; he is likely to pass away before I do (God forbid). It is in the best interest of my family for me to have a solution should something happen to him. I have no intention of getting a job now while he is still well and able-bodied. But should he fall ill again, and be unable to work for good, it will fall to me to provide for our family.
3 replies · active 461 weeks ago
Before women got careers, Nada, did everyone die if something happened to the man of the home? No, God cares for His own. He reminds us of this fact throughout His Word. He tells us to trust and obey. There is a woman in the chat room with 4 small children and 2 of them have Downs Syndrome which needs 24 hour care by her. Her husband won't provide. You'd expect her to leave her children and get a career? No, she is cared for by the church and others. This is what the church body is supposed to do; help those in need and it did before feminism stepped in and usurped the church's responsibility in "caring for the least of these."

If something happened to Ken while I had children in the home, I would trust God to provide and find some way to bring in income from the home. I knew they needed me and I knew I was right where God wanted me to be.
I'm married to a pastor who is opposed to women with children of school age staying home.
I have done both. I taught school until we adopted our children, then stayed home until they went to school.
Personally, I am content doing either. What bothers me is when the two sides seem to judge one another. I see that God's perfect plan is for women to be home raising their children, however we live in a fallen world so that is not always possible.
Speaking as a pastor's wife, I know first hand that churches have the ability to get rid of pastors on a whim. My income has sustained us twice. It has also happened to several friends of ours. One of my at home pastor's wife friends had to get a job until her husband found a new church. Another friend refused to get a job, and they are now homeless with 4 children going from house to house staying with family or friends for about 8 months now. If a couple decides for the wife to stay home, they should at least have a substantial emergency fund. I don't feel it shows lack of faith in God, it is simply being responsible.
It is never judging people, Michelle, to teach them what God has commanded them to teach. I am commanded by God to teach younger women to be keepers at home. Studies have proven how badly children need their mothers at home. Society has become a disaster since women have left the home. Nothing or nobody will ever convince me to teach opposite of what God has called me to teach. It's called trusting and obeying! It's that easy.
Miss Kathy's avatar

Miss Kathy · 461 weeks ago

I used to say I WAS a victim of feminism. But I realize, after reading this, that I still am. I bought into the feminist mindset hook, line & sinker when I went to college in the late sixties. It destroyed my life......my relationships, my happiness, my attitude toward women my age who were getting married and having children . I had such disdain for them, including my own mother who had been a stay at home wife and mother all her married life.

I read Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem and Sylvia Plath, among others, looking for THE answer to who I was & how I should be thinking about life. I was sure I would find that answer because they promised self-fulfillment & freedom. But I came to realize that it was nothing but bondage, slavery and idolatry of self.

When I was 48 years old, God opened His arms & revealed Himself to me. As I studied His Word, I grew to know Him and understand His precepts. It didn't happen overnight, but over the last 18 years I have come to understand how satanic feminism really is. We have all seen firsthand how it destroys families. I have done more than see it, I have lived it.

And I continue to work as a nurse at the age of 67 because my dear (deceived) husband doesn't think he can live without my paycheck. Young women, don't dig your own graves when you are young by buying into the "I can have it all " lie. You CAN have it all, by allowing God to supply your every need, by trusting that He knows what is best for you, and living according to His teaching. If women would do that, if they would be obedient to God's Word instead of the culture they are surrounded by, they would be more fulfilled than they ever imagined.

I encourage any woman who is struggling with this issue to read this blog every day. Lori teaches only what Scripture says. And that is enough to satisfy our every need and answer all of our questions about our ordained role as women. Learn what the Bible says about this and live it, and then thank God for the blessings it brings you.
1 reply · active 461 weeks ago
Thank you, Miss Kathy, for sounding the alarm bells over feminism and it's lies. You have lived them first hand, as most of us have, and it has only caused destruction in it's path. Feminism has been the air most of us have breathed our entire lives so we must get back into the Word and find out what the ancient paths are that the Lord created for us to walk on. Many blessings to you, my dear sister in Christ.
Lady Virtue's avatar

Lady Virtue · 461 weeks ago

Do we trust the Lord enough to obey Him? All these things shall be added unto us if we seek first His kingdom and His righteousness (see Matthew 6:33). God's will for women, our role, place, and responsibilities, was revealed in the Bible many years ago. It has not changed, nor will it ever. We must trust Him, obey Him, and leave the harvest of what we have sown by obeying Him in His hands. He will take care of us and meet our needs.

That comment above from Miss Kathy...wow! I can echo what she says about growing to know the Lord more by studying His precepts in His word and realizing how satanic feminism is. The more I know Christ, the more I can see this. Feminism has done neither women nor men any favors. I pray the young women will learn from those who have gone before them.

Great post, Lori!
1 reply · active 461 weeks ago
Thank you, Lady Virtue. I always appreciate your wisdom that you share with us!
"I thought kids were brats because I was a brat." This is such a telling statement. It sheds a whole new light on my friends who don't want kids. I can take it so personally against me and my children- and now I realize, this is their problem, not mine.
1 reply · active 461 weeks ago
It sure is, Erin. You raise your children in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord!
CAHousewife's avatar

CAHousewife · 461 weeks ago

I have been married for 10 years. Before that I was either a student, part time worker or both. I took a few PT jobs when hubby was unemployed for 10 months and then he got another job and I returned home.

I find it hard to be a homemaker as I get a lot of comments from family members, friends, outsiders and even doctors. I am best at home serving my husband but people don't understand that. How do you deal with that?
1 reply · active 461 weeks ago
I don't remember anyone ever giving me a hard time about it since most knew it is all I ever wanted to be! Tell them you are right where God wants you to be. "How do you know that?" The Bible tells me to love my children and be a keeper at home. "That doesn't mean you have to be home full-time." Oh, yes it does! Then smile and be joyful!
There is another "just in case" to consider, and that is, just in case a woman doesn't marry. A husband is not guaranteed. I know a number of lovely Christian women who have remained single. Of course we don't know at 18 or 24 or 30 what God has in store for us, but I think it is wise for young women to prepare themselves to be self-supporting. And if she does get married with the intention of homeschooling, the more education she has, the better.
1 reply · active 461 weeks ago
In my opinion, Vikki, it's fine for women to become a teacher or something like this if they can do it without getting into debt and can quit as soon as they marry or have babies. The risk in getting a career is their future husband may want them to keep it even after they have children. It's definitely something they should discuss before getting married.
And this is the very problem that I'm dealing with now at age 22. Before pouring myself into God's word, I had plans to become a speech-language pathologist (requires a Master's degree).

I know know that I would like to get married and have kids (no job outside the home and homeschooling my kiddos). However, my unbelieving parents aren't supportive of this. I currently work as a PT bank teller while going to school, but I have no desire to go back this fall to finish. I'm planning on majoring in something else to graduate early and to please my parents w/ a degree and continue working as a teller (easy to quit, decent pay, not high-stress) in hopes that I get married.
2 replies · active 458 weeks ago
Just wanted to offer another perspective on this-while you are waiting to see if the Lord blesses you with a husband, it may not necessarily be a bad thing to pursue that speech degree-especially if you can do it w/o debt-living at home etc. In my community, if children need speech therapy etc, they often can only get it through the public school system. A homeschool mom friend of mine was a speech therapist and she's been able to help countless homeschooling children who need help, but whose parents either couldn't afford private therapy or did not want to take the chance of using the school system. (There some instances, where the school's therapist questioned/have parents a difficult time b/c they homeschool)
Ash, i would say keep going as well! you could be of service in a church setting with helping children whose parents may not have the proper insurance or money to get services. also you never know if your future children may need those invaluable skills of helping a child with their speech. :)
I had a different situation. i was a teen mom and my family wouldn't/couldn't help me. i worked as a waitress and bartender, eventually getting a full time job that would allow me to pay for a place to live for myself and daughter. i got married and thought all was well. my ex husband used my credit to buy 20K worth of "stuff" that i didn't even know was happening. he also only worked part time and although he said all the time he wanted to do more, he didn't. eventually the bill collectors started calling and despite protests from me and disputing i had to do something to avoid being taken to court. my marriage unraveled after he started becoming abusive and forced me to get a second job to pay for the money he spent. the church tried to intervene including asking me to stay married after he injured me so badly i now have a traumatic brain injury. in divorcing i have never felt so free. but i still have to pay my debt back plus medical bills from 6 months of treatment. i work because i am still a "single" woman and the cost of living in my town is too high to obtain assistance. plus i am saving to buy a home so that i will be able to have an investment when i am older and not have to continue to rent. i understand the women who are working just in case, especially if they are single mothers. we don't have a safety net of having a husbands income and these days it is difficult to find a church who will offer support of any kind. My church shunned me when i said i was filing for divorce. i lost countless people who i thought were my good friends and it still hurts my heart to not have them in my life anymore. even my parents were not supportive. but the line had been drawn and i no longer felt safe. i still go to therapy to treat my issues and it has been two years. sorry for the long comment..
Hi Lori! I felt called to study law after my father filed and got an annulment of his marriage to my mother. I wanted to understand how this unjust annulment came about so that I can help other people avoid legal problems. I live in another country so while I do not earn much, I do not have any debt.

I do not know if God is calling me to marriage. But if I marry and have children, I want to homeschool them if my husband calls for it. If my husband allows me, I can also work at home so that I can help people with their legal issues online. Working at home sounds like maintaining a blog, which is hard work.
What do you say to women who want to develop a career in case their husband passes away? I have heard of heart breaking cases where a husband dies and his wife is forced to attempt to re-enter the work force after decades away.
I have been a stay at home mom for almost 5 years now. We have three children with the youngest being 4 years old. I have had people ask me constantly when I am going back to work or if I will go back when our daughter starts kindergarten. Our answer is no I won't. When my husband and I first got married we were kids ourselves, ages 18 and 20 with a baby. We both worked to put food on the table. Our marriage started to crumble because I didn't trust him to do enough to provide and I was working as many hours as I could to make sure the bills were paid. Eventually, our marriage started falling apart and it wasn't until after God gave me a clear picture that I trusted Him (God) enough to provide for our family. It took quite a few years, but we took the leap of faith and we watched God provide at every turn. He provided my husband with his dream career which provides for us. We're aren't rich by any stretch of the unagination, but we are comfortable and provided for. Women ask me all the time, what if ur husband leaves u? I'm not worried about that. My husband and I have been together since we were kids. Our marriage is planted in the word. People ask me, what if my husband dies? My husband has done the responsible thing and has taken out enough life insurance so that in the event something happens to him, me and the kids are not out in the cold and I can continue being there for our children. Is staying home always easy? No. My husband works multiple jobs to make sure that we are provided for. It is however, worth it. In letting my husband provide, I have seen his confidence flourish over the last few years and I have seen him go after opportunities because he wants to make us proud. He wants to be a good provider.
1 reply · active 456 weeks ago
I am going to use your comment for a post. I loved it! Thank you.

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