Saturday, May 7, 2016

What Makes a Marriage


My parents didn't get along when I was growing up. They argued often. My dad was a doctor so he was gone a lot. He would leave early in the morning and come home after 6:00 every night. We didn't see him much while I was growing up. However, they stayed together even though they were complete opposites. He was an only child, was a loner, and rarely talked. My mom was one of seven, loved being around people, and talked a lot. When we went on our yearly summer vacation to Wisconsin to spend a month where all my mom's family lived, my dad rarely went. He preferred staying home and working.

My mom was the one to buy me Created to Be His Help Meet over ten years ago. She began to read my blog. My parents began to grow closer as she learned what submission looked like and that she was supposed to be submissive to my dad. They are both 85 years old now. Recently, we went out for one of my sister's birthday and we were each sharing what we loved about her. When it was my mom's turn, all she could talk about was how much she loved my dad! She can't stand the thought of being apart from him again. It's a precious thing to behold!

Many of you are in marriages that aren't that good. You feel like you're so completely different then your husband. You may not enjoy the same things. He goes to bed early and you go to bed late. He eats junk food and you're a health nut. He loves TV and you'd rather read. He loves sports but you're not too interested. Guess what, every couple is completely different because your husband is a male and you are a female. Part of becoming one has nothing to do with any of these things I just listed. It has to do with becoming one flesh.

You make a brand new family together now. He is the provider and protector and you are the nurturer and homemaker. You bear children if the Lord blesses you in this way and raise them to be godly offspring. Your family worships the Lord together and attends church. You take care of your husband's needs, while he takes care of earning the money to pay for the family's needs. As you grow in your roles of husband and wife, you bring glory to the Lord. This is what marriage is about. This is what the Word teaches. It says nothing about what you eat, watch, or the hobbies you do together. These have nothing to do with making or breaking a marriage. Being covenant keepers is what makes a marriage last for a lifetime.

Recently, my mom was sharing with me that when she was taking a shower Alyssa's dog, who my mom watches often, was standing by the shower wagging his tail and all excited. My dad replied, "I'm the same way when I watch your mom take a shower!" When we were out to breakfast a few weeks ago, she said, "I am going to miss Art when I go to Wisconsin this year. I don't want to leave him." They hold hands all the time. They have three daughters who are happily married and eight grandchildren who are all happily married. Stick it out, women, even if you aren't "happy." It will be so very worth it in the end; for you reap what you sow.

What therefore God hath joined together, 
let not man put asunder.
Mark 10:9

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

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Anonymous 2's avatar

Anonymous 2 · 464 weeks ago

This is a beautiful post on marriage! I have a happy marriage, but I want to learn to help it be better. It is encouraging that it can turn out to be wonderful, even if parts were unhappy. I think for me, it is a maturing in the relationship from when we first got married. As you get older you get more wisdom.

Happy Mother's Day!
2 replies · active 464 weeks ago
Thank you! If you are in the Word and listening to sound teaching, you grow in wisdom for God is the source of all wisdom.
Anonymous 2's avatar

Anonymous 2 · 464 weeks ago

Yes, what you said is very true! We were in a lukewarm church when we got married and didn't have the teaching we do today. That would have helped us a lot more, but now we can teach our children what we learned.
Beautiful! Lori, thank you for your teachings. I thought you'd like this little story... My husband and I have been married for a couple years and a few months ago, after finding your blog and learning more about submission, I asked him if he was ready to think about having babies. He's been very work stressed for a long time, so I never wanted to bother him about it. He was willing to think about it, but was still in need of time. I knew that's the point where I needed to submit to his decision and trust God to take care of the rest, instead of worrying about why, when, and all the rest! Yesterday, I read Psalm 127 because it was the 127th day of the year. It talks about the blessing of children from the Lord. I've read that scripture many times on your blog. In the very same day, my husband brought it up that he's ready to start a family! I later read to him the scripture I read that day. What an awesome God we have! With Mother's Day tomorrow, I can start to dream about being a Mom! Happy Mother's Day to you!
1 reply · active 464 weeks ago
Thank you and congratulations! You will love being a mother.
Lady Virtue's avatar

Lady Virtue · 464 weeks ago

"As you grow in your roles of husband and wife, you bring glory to the Lord. This is what marriage is about. This is what the Word teaches. It says nothing about what you eat, watch, or the hobbies you do together. These have nothing to do with making or breaking a marriage."

Yes, this 1,000 times!! The focus on these things reflects worldly thinking and self-centeredness. I think about this often. A wife has to learn to live at peace with her husband and a husband has to dwell with his wife according to knowledge. In Christ, both these things, and all things, are possible. The "common interests" angle so often sold to unmarried people looking for a spouse is overrated. Marrying in the Lord is what's important. Even couples with much in common will have some differences between them. As you stated: "Guess what, every couple is completely different because your husband is a male and you are a female. "

Great post!
1 reply · active 464 weeks ago
Thank you, Lady Virtue! Some have said to me that they want to divorce their husband since they have nothing in common. Not a reason to divorce in God's Word!
My husband and I are just about as opposite as it's possible to be! He's quiet, introverted, cool-headed, logical, very much a Mr. Steady as Debi Pearl would describe. On the other hand I'm outgoing, extroverted, love social activities and people...the Go-to Gal of Mrs. Pearl's description. Sure we butt heads sometimes over our differences but mostly we complement each other's differences perfectly. We joke that I bring fun to his life and he keeps me from recklessly running off cliffs! The Lord sure does know what He's doing!
1 reply · active 464 weeks ago
He sure does, Taylor, and His ways are best!
Great post to read today! :) God is right on time! Thankful for what he shows me.
What a sweet love story. Your parents are PRECIOUS, Lori.
Wow. I needed to read this today. Thank you!
Lori,

I have to say that at 20+ years of marriage and my wife being 10 years older, her lack of respect combined with her not aging well makes for a hard time cultivating love toward her. It makes it hard to initiate intimacy, something that was refused for almost 2 decades while she wasted her beauty and my sexual prime.

You wrote this in 1/15 on sunshine thiry's blog:
"Maybe this is true in an unbiblical marriage but not in a biblical marriage where the wife is a godly, submissive help meet. My mom is older than my dad, my sister is older than her husband, my two daughters are married to men younger than them and they are all very happily married. I don’t see where age has anything to do with it since age has nothing whatsoever to do with the heart since it all comes down to a heart issue; do they desire to obey God or not?"

I write this not as a complaint or discouragement. I think it's important to let younger women know that wasting those younger years with disrespect and sexual neglect is a waste of their beauty. If they do waste it, the likely hood that their husband will not see beauty as they age is a real possibility. As someone who has a wife who is older, it does indeed matter and I would not encourage my son to marry someone older at all.

If we see a glamorous woman in media and we find out how horrible she is, we tend to start to see her as ugly. See the average with a heart for God and her beauty opens up. Same with wives...
1 reply · active 463 weeks ago
Very powerful comment, Jeff. Thank you! I may use it in a post to warn women.

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