Sean married Catherine a year ago. He wrote Ten Things I've Learned Since My Wedding Day. The one that caught my eye was this one, "I'm not always right. Not only am I not always right, but I find now that I'm married I'm usually wrong. Other husbands have told me this is normal." Yep! This is exactly how I felt. I was right and Ken was ALWAYS wrong. He finally figured out after many years that he can be wrong but not ALL THE TIME!
Why is this? Why do women think they are always right? Because we think we are the leaders. We want to rule our husbands just as Genesis 3:16 states, "...her desire will be for her husband but he will rule over her." Our desire is to rule over our husbands. God was right. Imagine that!
Most women think we know better than our husbands. We are smarter and wiser. We are more spiritual, emotional and sensitive. Bottom line, we think we ARE better than our husbands. Ugly, isn't it? God ordained them to be the leader of the home, yet we take that right away from them, step into their big shoes, and take the lead. Most husbands have NO idea what hit them and I think Sean will tire of it soon, as Ken did.
We are NOT always right. Even if we are right, we end up being wrong since we are taking the leadership role when it is our husband's role. We are sinning against our husbands and ultimately against God. Our position is one of submitting and following. This is exactly where God wants us to be. This is our safest place to be. God didn't put us there because He thought we were inferior in any way. No, He built men to be the leaders and protectors. This was His plan from the beginning and it will stay that way until the end of time.
One man commented on my Facebook page on a post I wrote for Crystal called Does Submission in Marriage Cause Abuse?, "I have found that when my wife submits, it causes me to be MORE concerned for her well being, not less." This is a profound and true statement! When a wife is always usurping a husband's leadership by fighting with him, acting like she is always right, manipulating and trying to control him, he is not going to be too concerned about her, but probably mostly frustrated and angry with her.
Therefore, women, let your husband be right. If you think he is wrong, share your opinions and thoughts with him and then let it go. Allow him to make the decisions and have his way. God will lead him even through his mistakes. It may take practice at first, but practice makes perfect. Begin asking for his opinions and advice. We are so good at always being right that many husbands begin to shut down. They don't want to fight with their wives. They want peace.
Give your husband a peaceful home. This will be pleasing to your husband
We are NOT always right. Even if we are right, we end up being wrong since we are taking the leadership role when it is our husband's role. We are sinning against our husbands and ultimately against God. Our position is one of submitting and following. This is exactly where God wants us to be. This is our safest place to be. God didn't put us there because He thought we were inferior in any way. No, He built men to be the leaders and protectors. This was His plan from the beginning and it will stay that way until the end of time.
One man commented on my Facebook page on a post I wrote for Crystal called Does Submission in Marriage Cause Abuse?, "I have found that when my wife submits, it causes me to be MORE concerned for her well being, not less." This is a profound and true statement! When a wife is always usurping a husband's leadership by fighting with him, acting like she is always right, manipulating and trying to control him, he is not going to be too concerned about her, but probably mostly frustrated and angry with her.
Therefore, women, let your husband be right. If you think he is wrong, share your opinions and thoughts with him and then let it go. Allow him to make the decisions and have his way. God will lead him even through his mistakes. It may take practice at first, but practice makes perfect. Begin asking for his opinions and advice. We are so good at always being right that many husbands begin to shut down. They don't want to fight with their wives. They want peace.
Give your husband a peaceful home. This will be pleasing to your husband
and pleasing to the Lord.
Blessed are the peacemakers:
Blessed are the peacemakers:
for they shall be called the children of God.
Matthew 5:9
Matthew 5:9
Logging you in...
Mbb · 531 weeks ago
mrsktc 1p · 531 weeks ago
Scott · 531 weeks ago
younggodlywomen 25p · 531 weeks ago
Jill York · 531 weeks ago
Ksdee · 531 weeks ago
Torre · 531 weeks ago
Bike Bubba · 531 weeks ago
Rob · 531 weeks ago
As now we have been growing in Christ we are realizing how God's design for marriage is crucial for us to behave. My point is that when i am made to feel that my wife is not judging me when mistakes are made---it makes my heart desire to do more. Yes i may be wrong sometimes but if you don't dump all over your husband you will get more out of him in a genuine way!!! Trust me on that!!!
Rob · 531 weeks ago
Ken · 531 weeks ago
On the surface all this sounds like Christian living and Christian love, but in reality it puts the husband under an impossible burden of often trying to make a young wife happy who within herself is not happy. Happiness and joy stem from something that we each must generate internally by feeling good about the values we establish and going about fulfilling those values. A young wife has to learn first what she should be valuing and that is not one more "wow you look pretty" or "I love you so much," but instead it is learning how to love, so that she makes herself lovable.
Young Christian husbands quickly find themselves on a treadmill that they cannot stop. What seems to be a never ending list of things they are doing wrong in the marriage because there are no real standards, just the "feelings" of a young wife based on how we treated her that day, or how understanding we were to her. Most of us know the once a month fighting and crying that often takes place only for the husband to apologize, heap praises and loves upon his young wife to build her up, and apologize for being a jerk. Then the return apology a couple days later after she recognizes that much of it was hormones talking, instead of reality.
I think we know what is happening, but we have no way to move beyond it to a safe place where the feelings and sensitivities of our young bride do not trump and discussion or movement towards a real relationship based on mutual respect. At least in my case, and the case of so many young husbands I have spoken with, the only way off the treadmill is God's way.
God's ways are simple. A husband is to lead and wife is to follow. A wife has to trust that when her husband tells her she is overreacting or that she should not feel that way, that he is indeed telling her the truth and is leading her. Certainly a young husband has growing up to do of his own, and marriage grows up both spouses, but if a husband tries to constantly meet his wife's perceived needs he will never measure up. He can't, because she often does not know exactly what will make her happy. None of us do.
If one goes to a Christian pastor, or counselor, they will tell the young husband to try harder to be understanding. They may as well have asked him to "submit to his wife's desires." I am all for a husband trying to meet his wife's desires, but at some point he has to go back to God's Word and trust it. He is to lead and she is to respect his leadership. Within that framework the husband still is not off the hook to just go do as he pleases, but he is now free to speak truth and love into the marriage. He is free to make mistakes without being in the dog house for them and he can relax and feel comfortable "in his own skin," and home, knowing that God says he is off the hook from his wife’s controlling desires.
Where are the Christian pastors and psychologists who understand this? Why does it often take 5-7 years of "honey do's" and dog house days before a husband finally wakes up and realizes "a guy like me can be wrong, but I can’t be wrong all the time!"
For the men out there, if you feel that you are always walking on eggshells, never quite getting things right for your wife's likes and dislikes, or constantly hearing a drone of wifey dissatisfactions, and disillusionment…, Man up! Go to your wife and tell her that your love for her is strong, and that you intend to continue to try and please her, but that she has to learn to become a godly wife who loves and respects her husband God’s way. One who is willing to listen and to follow your leadership instead of trying to control you by her displeasures, moods and snide remarks. The conversation does not have to last long, but it should result in a changed approach where a wife is quickly learning that the old emotional control games are no longer going to work on you. Instead you are going to be a true leader who loves his wife as Christ loves the church. And Christ is not running around trying to please His Church’s desires all day, but instead sets spiritual standards to which He holds His church accountable.
Ken · 531 weeks ago
So men, set the standards by God's Word and live by them. Whatever is done in your home make it uphold Christian ideals and display the fruit of the Spirit. And don't let your wife interpret what that means, but you show her what love, joy, peace, patience, goodness and kindness looks like and instill a "no whining" or complaining zone. She can tell you whatever she wants to say so long as it is done in a Christ-like way and upholds a Biblical standard for a wife to respect her husband and "win him without a Word." If she wants joy and happiness, tell her to show it to you and the family and that it will be reciprocated, and surpassed in kind. As leaders we must please our wives, but also be quick to say “no” in a kind, yet firm way when control shows it ugly head in our homes.
I wish a godly man had given me half this talk back in the days when I was fighting day and night not to displease my wife. That an older godly woman, as Lori does now, was coaching her and explaining to her that she has to take the focus off of self and put it onto his husband and family. That love is to seek the best interest of others, and is not self-seeking. That serving others is how we serve Christ.
Marriage is God's way of growing up a husband and wife into Christ Jesus. The husband has to grow up and learn how to lead in gentleness and understanding, and a wife must learn to trust and follow. Both qualities do not come naturally, but will come when the Spirit leads them both into God's Word and His truths.
rhiamom 44p · 531 weeks ago
A few years ago we moved, to a town where we both wanted to be. I wanted to buy an older house, on some land, and fix it up. He wanted to buy a manufactured home and live In town in a MH park. So, we bought the manufactured home, in town. But in return, he made sure that the home contained what mattered most to me. I still gaze longingly at old Victorian houses, but this home suits our life in a way no older home could.