God's Word doesn't say, "Wives submit to your husbands and obey them as long as they don't ask you to sin" for a reason. Too many wives would find reasons to not submit to their husband if it said this. They would decide what was sin and what was not sin according to their conscience or how they interpret the Bible instead of allowing their husbands to lead and make the decisions.
I have never made a big issue of wives not submitting if their husbands ask them to sin for this very reason. I prefer to teach wives to submit to their husbands in everything and camp out there. I will attempt to show you what I mean.
I teach a lot on women being keepers at home and not sending children to public school. Let's say a wife truly believes that it is a sin to not be a keeper at home and to send her children to public school. Then what? If her husband asks her to work full-time and send the children to public school she doesn't need to obey him since he is asking her to sin.
She may truly believe those are sins since God's Word is clear that women are to be keepers at home and gives many warnings about allowing what should influence our children and commands that parents train and discipline their children. However, she still needs to obey her husband since he is the head of her and God has commanded that she obey him, however, she can make a strong appeal to her husband and do everything she can in a meek and quiet way to reason with him in hopes of changing his mind.
Now, what if he asks her to participate in a threesome, abort her baby, or help him commit robbery by stealing from a bank? Should she submit in these instances? NO! But what makes these sins any different from the ones I mentioned earlier. They are all sins to her so why should she obey him in some and disobey him in others.
This is where wisdom comes in. She needs to find a godly, older woman to seek advice from if she feels her husband is asking her to sin and go against her beliefs. It is rare a husband will ask a wife to participate in a threesome, have an abortion or rob a bank but it is very common for husbands to ask their wives to work full-time and put their children in public schools since many have been deeply influenced by the feminists and the culture at large.
I believe this is why God doesn't make exceptions to wives obeying their husbands. It isn't black and white in many instances and needs to be sought after with prayer and wise advice.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ,
so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Ephesians 5:24
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ,
so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Ephesians 5:24
Logging you in...
Lindsay Harold · 532 weeks ago
However, because a woman is under the authority of her husband, she is to submit her conscience to his authority as the spiritual leader of the home. Thus, while she may personally have a conviction against wearing pants, if her husband tells her to wear pants, she should obey. If she has a conviction that women should stay home with the children, but her husband tells her to work outside the home, she should obey her husband. He isn't asking her to sin in those situations because those aren't blatant sins. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that a woman working outside the home is sin. Nowhere does it say that a woman wearing pants is a sin. These are merely sins of conviction and the husband has no such conviction against them. If there is any punishment for doing these things, it will fall on the husband, not the wife.
The wife is to submit to her husband's spiritual headship by considering his conscience as being over her own. Of course, if she has a conviction against something that her husband wants her to do, she should appeal to her husband. However, the husband's authority in these matters trumps her conscience. For matters of conscience, the husband's authority is more important because God has placed him in that role as spiritual head. For matters that are clear sin for everyone according to the Bible, God has not given husbands authority to determine if they are sins and wives must obey God over man.
Lynette L. · 532 weeks ago
My husband prefers me to wear jeans - he really likes me in jeans. I prefer long skirts. He does not like long skirts. I do not like to wear jeans all the time - I am way more comfortable in skirts. So, I asked him if we could compromise - I only wear the skirts around the house while I am doing my housework and he is working. When we go out (or I go out of the house), I wear jeans. He is okay with that. I explained to him why I like the skirts better and told him I would wear the jeans any time we were going out and he was fine with that.
The other thing he asked me to do was get a full-time job when our children entered high school. I had been homeschooling them until the oldest was in high school. We decided to send them to a private school which added to the cost of our household budget. I didn't feel comfortable going back full-time after being out for 16 years (not to mention it was hard to get an interview because I didn't have any current work experience), so I found a part-time job working mornings and then would come home to teach my other child in the afternoons. This is something I did not want to do. I wanted to be home with my other child full-time just as I was with my older child. But because he asked me to do this, I did it. Once both children were in high school, our expenses went WAY up (private tuition), so I found a full-time job because my husband asked me to work. Public school was never going to happen for our children, and I would have been happy to homeschool them in high school, but my husband wanted them to go to a private school for high school, and he wanted me to work to help pay for it. The extra money was nice, but what I had to give up was hard for me to do. I was exhausted!!!! I stopped cooking meals during the week. I started letting things go around the house. I was no longer "keeping the home", I was just trying to get through my days. My husband saw what having this job was doing to our household. He had to start grocery shopping, cooking and doing his own laundry. He didn't like that so much, but I couldn't keep doing it all. I tried keeping up with doing it all in the beginning, but I just ran myself into the ground. He was working full-time. I was working full-time but still doing all the grocery shopping, cooking and laundry. I still wanted to keep my home and submit to my husband too. After awhile I couldn't keep up with the job and house, so I told him he would have to start doing housework too. If we were both going to work full-time, we would both have to do housework too. To be honest, it was weird. Some nights when I got home, he would be in the kitchen cooking dinner. I just kept thinking - I am making $ an hour to work outside the home and come home to my husband cooking. He can make $$$ an hour to work while I cook dinner. It makes much more sense for him to work the job and let me cook! But, at the time the arrangement we had is what he wanted. Periodically I would ask him if I could quit, and he would say no. I let him know that I wanted to be home and it would make more sense for me to be at home so he could work more. Well, after my oldest graduated, I was able to come back home. He found the extra work to more than make up for my income (it also helped that the tuition costs went down). He told me it got to the point where it just wasn't worth having me work outside the home. If I had my choice, I would have stayed home during those years. My husband is the leader, and he asked me to get a job. Do I feel I was sinning? No. Was I going against what I felt was right for our household (me being a stay-at-home mom)? Yes. My thoughts all along this journey are my husband out ranks me. He is the general of our household. I am second in command. I can let him know what I think the best tactical decisions are for our family, but in the end it falls on him as our leader. He does a great job in asking for my thoughts and opinions. Then he makes the decision he feels is best for our family. Do I agree with every decision? No. But I go with all of them.
Learning to submit to my husband has been really hard for me. I was raised in a Christian household, but I didn't have a good example of what a wife/mother should be. My mother didn't teach me a whole lot on keeping a home and nothing on submitting to my husband. Growing up I saw that all the wife had to do was cry, pout or throw fits to get what she wanted. I tried that on my husband and he let me know that wasn't going to fly in our marriage.
I am still learning how to be a good wife to my husband. I really appreciate your blog, Lori. It challenges and teaches me how to be the best wife possible to my husband.
Thank you!
Lori Alexander 122p · 532 weeks ago
Cynthia Swenson · 532 weeks ago
Ken · 532 weeks ago
A godly wife should not set herself as the conscience of her home, but instead allow her conscience to be informed by her husband and his desires. If she is seeking God's best she will indeed do this with all fellow believers, not just her husband. To not have an initial reaction to what is right and wrong on matters of conscience that is intractable, but instead to be open to explore what other believers find to be pleasing to the Lord. If she still feels that it is sin she may find a way to not practice it, but still not judge her husband over his liberty in Christ. Christian liberty is to be valued and encouraged, even if we do come to our own convictions before the Lord as to what is His best for our individual lives.
Sue B. · 532 weeks ago
As per Ephesians 5:22, I am to submit to my own husband, not someone else’s husband. And as per 1 Corinthians 14:35, my husband has the authority to interpret church teaching to me. I therefore believe before wives attempt to influence their husband’s opinion of work and education, they should first familiarize themselves with what their own church body teaches on these matters. It is not within the authority of anyone outside of your church to usurp your husband’s right to be the spiritual leader of his family.
Lori Alexander 122p · 532 weeks ago
Sue B. · 532 weeks ago
I am trying to point out that no one outside of one’s own church body has a right to question a husband’s decisions regarding his spiritual leadership of his family. Labeling actions Ken calls “matters of conscience” as “sin” undermines a husband’s authority and encourages defiance from the wife rather than submissiveness. There are many “matters of conscience” where a wife may be tempted to contradict her husband’s authority based on what she read on the internet, including: education; working; contraception; vaccinations; circumcision; what foods to eat/avoid; what clothing to wear/avoid; head-covering; haircutting; spanking; what holidays not to celebrate; and when to observe the Sabbath. Older women are admonished in Titus to instruct younger women to be loving and submissive, it does not give liberty for any woman to instruct another man’s wife in “matters of conscience” nor to pass judgment on other women’s husband’s decisions.
Lori Alexander 122p · 532 weeks ago
Kathryn Skinner · 532 weeks ago
Abigail took it upon herself to go behind her husbands back and wisely do what was right to the saving of her households lives.
In Christ, Kathryn Skinner
Lori Alexander 122p · 532 weeks ago
Kathryn Skinner · 532 weeks ago
Kathryn Skinner · 532 weeks ago
This article is asserting that the man is the pinnacle of authority which is in error. There is a definite hierarchy in creation that God is the head of. I Cor.11:3 “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” Yes, we wives are to submit and obey our own husbands in everything except when we are told to disobey God who is the head of all. Eph.5:6-7 “ Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience. Be not ye therefore partakers with them.”
I would further assert that Gods law is not just the Ten Commandments for it says in II Tim.3:16-17 “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.”
In Christ, Kathryn Skinner
Lori Alexander 122p · 532 weeks ago
Vikki · 532 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 532 weeks ago
Ken · 532 weeks ago
It is not that hard. With clear sins... don't submit and follow God's clear Word to be obedient to your Lord. Things of debateable matters or matters of conscience, inform your husbnad of your conscience and be willing to allow his conscience to inform yoiurs. If you do not have a clear command or admonition from the Lord, rest assured that you do have an admonition to submit to your head and leader. Some people are very adamant about things that simply are not clear black andd white sins, yet they think they are. It is not that hard to know what is clearly sin and what are things of conscience.
Both husbnad and wife should be helping each other find God's best with their consciences informing each other knowing the Spirit speaks through both husband and wife.
Ken · 532 weeks ago
Then there are many "sins" we may commit because we violate our own conscience. The Scriptures and the Spirit inform us that what we are doing, or about to do will not pleases God. It is not His best for our lives, nor will it please him. That second glass of wine, not getting up 30 minutes early to keep the temple of the Holy Spirit in shape, being careful what we eat, how we respond to another who has mistreated us... the list is endless in how we can can and should handle our lives in a way that is God pleasing, yet not clearly spelled out in the Bible for every instance and circumstance.
It is in this second set of sins that one can get caught up bringing their own conscience into misinforming the relationship. Just because it may be a sin for one Christian to not be a "keeper at home" does not mean it is a sin for all Christian wives to never work. The same applies for sending kids to public schools. This is a matter of conscience and the conscience of a Believer should be well informed as to God's desires, but only as informed as to take the scriptures as a whole and to give proper weight to God's way of thinking.
Did God intend that all wives be Keepers at home prior to have children? My guess is that this is still God's ideal, but that He does not care much of a young wife works before having children. The most critical reason for being a Keeper at Home is for the sake of the children and raising them in the Lord. But when you find that up to 80% of Christian women with children at home are working, and you see the devastation to our Christian families with countless Christian kids walking away from the Lord as they were not properly trained or raised in the Lord, you can see that sometimes it is sin, and other times it is not. Each family must decide before the Lord and make a wise choice. And just because they decided a wife should work does not make it right, it can still "miss God's mark" and be sin. And sin has it's own consequences in the long run.
Is it sin for wife to work when a husband is disabled? When she has no husband and has to support herself? These are times that are exceptions and wise choices must be made. We are seeking God's best in all things and circumstances and truth has layers to it. It is not always black and white. God's best includes supporting your own family, but again, when 80% of Christian wives are working and maybe 10% should be, you know that many are missing out on God's best and His desires for their lives... with consequences that come from the sin.
Lastly, a wife's conscience regarding ares that may or may not be sin should be heavily informed by a husband's desires. If she is to please Him and submit to him she can rest assured that even if her own conscience is not thrilled with the final decision, she is covered by God's command to submit to her husband. If it is it clearly stated in God's Word as sin, and a husband does not see an area of "conscience" as a sin, she is to "win him without a word" by being submissive. This does not mean she cannot discuss this with him, or bring it up again at a later time until such time as he may agree with her, but the clearer truth is that a wife is to be submissive in everything and as such she cannot stand on her conscience alone while at the same time violating a clear admonition to allow her husband to lead.
Herein lies a big problem in many marriages that the Christian wife often believes she knows best and on matters of conscience she tries to rule her husband. If even those husbands who are "disobedient to the Word" are to be who by their wives, how much more should wives follow the lead of a husband who is indeed a godly man?
Laura · 532 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 532 weeks ago
Vikki · 532 weeks ago