Friday, May 13, 2016

Living Her Mother's Unlived Life


When I was growing up, there weren't a lot of full-time mothers at home since I was born in 1958 and in the 60s was when women burned their bras, left their homes, and turned our society on its head. However, "The feminist movement of the 20th century first started in the late 1950’s.  Our men had recently come home from the war, and life settled back in to dad going to work and mom staying and taking care of the children and home. They had freedom to be educated and to vote. Most women chose to be home. They accepted, embraced, and enjoyed their roles as wives and mothers. Initially they didn’t 'get' what this radical group of women was preaching...By stirring up anger, bitterness and discontent in the hearts of these women who initially had not felt there were any issues with their lives, they were able, in a period of ten years, to go from a small group of radical women to twenty thousand women marching down New York’s Fifth Avenue under the banner of women’s liberation" {source}.

Those women who were still homemakers in the 1960s eventually became discontent seeing their peers go off and have careers. Many would complain to their daughters about this so their daughters didn't want to be plain old homemakers. They wanted much more for their lives so they pursued higher education and careers, all in the name of "freedom." Lisa Marks wrote a post about this since she was one of those daughters listening to her mother consistently complaining and being unhappy in her role as homemaker. She decided when she grew up, she would do the opposite of what her mother had done.

Many years later after Lisa had pursued her dreams and had achieved them she wrote this about her life ~ "My life as a single woman has been exceptional. I've hit many career highs, traveled extensively and lived abroad. But it's also been exceptionally challenging. When the recession hit a few years ago, it would have been lovely to be supported emotionally, spiritually and, yes, maybe financially.

Mum watched me struggle through tough times as my life played out the opposite of hers. Recently, sitting in my kitchen, she admitted, 'I didn't realize what I had. I wouldn't have your life for anything. It's just too hard.' This time, I didn't flounce off to my bedroom; I just smiled at this 180-degree bombshell revelation. It appears that I've lived my mother's unlived life so well she's actually become nostalgic for what she had.  She now tells me often that her children are 'the best thing in her life,' how proud she is of us and that she 'had it good.' It must have been awful for her to have been so unhappy and unfulfilled, but I'm glad she appreciated what she has now.'

Linda's conclusion was that if she had a daughter, she wouldn't tell her how to live her life. As a believer in God's unchanging Word, however, don't allow the feminist's lies to infiltrate your daughter's thinking. Keep teaching and modeling the Truth of God's Word to them.  I taught my daughters to live the life that the Lord wants for them. If you are a believer and love the Lord and His ways, you should teach your daughters this as well. However, show them the beauty of submitting to and obeying their father, dressing modestly, and working hard in your home with a joyful attitude. They will want what you have if they see how much you love and enjoy your God-ordained role.

I will therefore that the younger women marry, 

bear children, guide the house, 
give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:14

Comments (9)

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"As a believer in God's unchanging Word, however, don't allow the feminist's lies to infiltrate your daughter's thinking. Keep teaching and modeling the Truth of God's Word to them. I taught my daughters to live the life that the Lord wants for them. If you are a believer and love the Lord and His ways, you should teach your daughters this as well. However, show them the beauty of submitting to and obeying their father, dressing modestly, and working hard in your home with a joyful attitude. "

This is so beautiful, Lori! It is wonderful the power of a godly example and how it will stay with people long after. "Train up a child in the way they should go, and when they are older they won't depart from it..." Although our children will have free-will, it is wonderful to know how much of an influence we can have on them :) I've been trying to stress that in each Proverbs 31 post to give mothers hope.
1 reply · active 463 weeks ago
Mothers have more of an influence on their daughter's life than anyone else. It's a great thing to stress this to mothers!
Lady Virtue's avatar

Lady Virtue · 463 weeks ago

Thank you for posting this sad warning. It's hard to learn that the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence.

Incidentally, I recall seeing a sitcom, many years ago, depicting a mom lamenting that she'd gotten married and had children, but her older daughter had not, and was instead living a life of "adventure." The mom was envious of her daughter! This is just another example of feminist indoctrination by the mass media.
1 reply · active 463 weeks ago
It is also an example of a culture that is seeking after pleasure instead of after the Lord and His ways as the Word states. They are reaping what they are sowing which is never good fruit.
How accurate this post is!! God really grants you with a spirit of discernment to bring such a deep issue to the surface everytime you post, including this one. I saw this pattern of discontentment in my mom's life and my own as well (i want to be a homemaker but feel guilty deep inside, since i have been brainwashed by my mom since childhood that 'a woman should make her own money and not dependent on men' in order to have value). I in particular like this statement from your article, "Linda's conclusion was that if she had a daughter, she wouldn't tell her how to live her life. " and " I taught my daughters to live the life that the Lord wants for them." I vow to myself, as I read this post, that's what I'm gonna tell my daughter one day, if the Lord ever gives me a chance to have one. Thank you for this post, Lori!!
"don't allow the feminist's lies to infiltrate your daughter's thinking." .. this one as well :)
Thank you for doing the research to be able to set the most by Miss Marks in its historical context. You do a lot of spade work to prepare your blog posts.
My mom did not seem to enjoy being a wife and mother but never told me not to do it. I decided that I did not want to be that angry and unhappy and so pursued education and a career. I wasn't comfortable with daycare full time so now work-from-home. It's still incredibly difficult to maintain sanity while being the primary caretaker of the home and hearth AND work part time from home. What they don't tell you about working from home is that it all starts to blend together and you work your tail off trying to have it all. Our two children are preschool-aged and we don't plan on more for the time being so my husband is urging me to find preschool/daycare for the kids so I can focus more on work, whether from home or at the office. I have mixed feelings... I struggle with wanting to be here but I don't enjoy it, especially feeling divided and running on fumes for over four years. What kind of resources do you recommend to help bring clarity to an emotionally charged issue?
1 reply · active 462 weeks ago
I highly recommend "Home By Choice" by Dr. Brenda Hunter. I wish all women would read it!

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