Saturday, June 18, 2016

The Going Away Mentality

Written by Guest Posters
What is a going-away mentality? It is the mentality that we need an abundance of social activities that make us run hither and yon to have a good time and do fun things. It means going shopping, mostly just to see what is there and to have something to do. It means going to see a friend, even though we just saw her last evening in church. Sometimes it means committee meetings, birthday surprises, baby showers, Tupperware parties, or something similar. We are restless and discontent unless we have somewhere to go. This mentality gnaws at family life a little like a dog gnaws at a bone, and soon nothing is left. It takes a family to have family life, and if part of the family is missing, the circle is not complete.

One of God's commands to mothers is that we be "keepers at home" (Titus 2:5). If we keep busy with our household duties as the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31, and if we do our share in teaching and training our children as outlined in Deuteronomy 6, we will be kept occupied at home.

We mothers influence the way children think about going away or staying at home. Do we take time to put puzzles together with Susie, have a tea party with the little girls, or make taffy to pull for just us? Do we listen carefully while Philip explains how he makes a bluebird house, and do we help Cindy research about toads? Do we help Bertha decide what is wrong with the shading in her picture even if we are no skilled in art? Our genuine interest in our children's projects makes for a stay-at-home family. There is less interest in casual going away because many interesting things at home occupy our time.

~ Excerpt by Ruth Mast, Who Can Find a Virtuous Woman,

"Women who choose to marry and bear children have priorities clearly defined in Scripture. Some do choose to be employed, but those who devote themselves to home and family, choose a selfless and valuable role that should not be belittled.

It takes a willing, persevering heart to stay at home. It is not a position that gains notoriety, or one that will place you on network news. Although some do not see it as important, it is in God’s created order. Biblical manhood and womanhood are foundational for maintaining order and purpose.The guidelines for women, as well as for men, are grounded in timeless, historical and theological principles.

What you do in your house is worth as much as if you did it up in heaven for our Lord God. We should accustom ourselves to think of our position and work as sacred and well-pleasing to God, not on account of the position and work, but on account of the word and faith from which the obedience and the work flow. 

Have you chosen to go on the path less traveled by? It will make all the difference." {Kindred Spirit Sisters}

Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, 
and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way,
 and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls. 
Jeremiah 6:16

Comments (9)

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Your timing is perfect, Lori, because I really needed this today! A couple of days ago I received an email from my mother-in-law urging me to get away more, because I am always with my kids. Not asking to come and help out, but for me to spend some time hanging out with her at her house to get away from my family. Now, my MIL is a feminist so I expect this to some extent. But it has been troubling me that she recently helped one of her younger female friends get a divorce. And in the email she said to me that this person never did anything for herself away from her kids and it was a miserable life for her. This just strengthened my desire to be home with my family where I should be!
I remember a post Mrs. White wrote on "Legacy of Home" about having a home centered mindset ; not a shopping mindset. I have disciplined myself over the years to do just that and now I can hardly stand to be in stores:)
Becky
Lady Virtue's avatar

Lady Virtue · 458 weeks ago

"What is a going-away mentality? It is the mentality that we need an abundance of social activities that make us run hither and yon to have a good time and do fun things."

I'm so thankful to the Lord for freeing me from this worldly perspective! I've gotten to the place where I much more appreciate being at home and waiting on my husband. It's a quiet, peaceable, and simple life that focuses me on obeying the Lord and preferring my husband over myself. I would love to be at home full time, as I've mentioned here before, but I don't speak of this often in real life because of the detractors that I'd have, some of whom are my own family members! I just want to do my reasonable service unto the Lord as an unprofitable servant and be content with that rather than covetous of the world's ways.
Anonymous 2's avatar

Anonymous 2 · 458 weeks ago

I love this post! When we were first married, I was asked to be secretary of an organization. Since my husband and I were both involved, I did it. It was just once a month meeting, but I still had to do stuff on the side. I had a baby and I did that, worked one day a week, and than was on committees in the church as well.

After, learning in the last 10 years, I went off all committees, started not to go to Bible studies, even homeschool co-ops. I found it wasn't a peaceful home and I wasn't getting decent meals on the table. I can't look back but I can learn from this.

Now that I have older children I get asked to do things, but I say no. I still have them all at home and I still have plenty to do. I am glad for learning this, because I would not want to do any of that down the road. I want to serve my husband and family even when they are married.

The only thing now is I have family that I must oversee in their elder years. I am learning how I can balance that. A lot can be done by phone and I can still be busy in the home. I have learned not to answer the phone when they call. I tell them leave me a message. Only state if it is urgent. I don't tell them that I run to see who it is and too make sure it isn't urgent. That has worked to get a meal on the table in a fashionable order. I will answer it if, it isn't interrupting school or something.

I think I will print this out for future use!
1 reply · active 457 weeks ago
HappyHomemaker's avatar

HappyHomemaker · 457 weeks ago

I understand where you are coming from with family. I am the only daughter and had to take care of my mom for awhile and it was such a struggle to find the balance. My mom passed away almost two years ago, and now my dad needs help, but I have had to back off. I have several brothers and I have let them step in and if they feel like they need to do stuff fine, but I am through letting them guilt me into thinking it is all my job. Often times I get the feeling that everyone thinks because I don't work, I should handle everything, but my husband stepped in and told them that I have a job and that's taking care of our family. He told them that he didn't mind me helping, but that my job was at home. (That is one of the biggest gifts that man has ever given me, you see he knows how I am and he knew if he didn't step in, I would be quickly overwhelmed. I thank God for his stance for me that day.) Anyway, I like what you are doing with the phone and having them state if it is urgent, that is a good idea. Thankfully, with my mom, I knew that if she called, it was urgent, as she hated being a burden to anyone and I would actually wind up getting upset with her because she wouldn't tell me things until we got to the doctor, her words were always "well baby, you have so much to do anyway and I figured we were going back to the doctor in a few months, so it could wait"
Great post. Every where we turn someone or something is trying to pull us from home. Some of the things are good but even so it can cause our homes and family life to falter. I know when I get too busy on the go me and my house suffers for it and it is like a domino effect on everything else. People always tell me I need to get away but I don't like to get away. I enjoy being home. I am not looking to run from my home life. We need to spend more time building our homes up and making them an enjoyable and peaceful place to be rather than constantly feeling we need to escape from it. I also want to add that social media can also become an outlet and take our focus off our home as well when too much time is spent on it. For that reason I had to take a break from facebook specifically. It became and idol and so I had to lay it down. Thanks for this post, it's a great encouragement! God bless.
1 reply · active 458 weeks ago
Anonymous 2's avatar

Anonymous 2 · 458 weeks ago

Excellent, Paula! I think too media has to be watched. I don't do facebook at all. I can be on too much just with blogs. However, if they are good ones like this one, I feel I can better myself. I just have to be careful.
Anonymous 2's avatar

Anonymous 2 · 458 weeks ago

A blow up has happened between my two sons today! It is over getting chores done today! The eldest we find is taking on too many jobs at church, that when he is at home, he has a problem serving here. He was asked to teach a class for Bible School. That is great, but he doesn't know when to say no to the church. We homestead, so this does require a lot right now This means he is trying to hurry and get into study!

This is where we need guidance. This article can apply to anyone in the home! Since again, we are a family that homestead, others are kids ages don't . It becomes an issue, because those kids can take on other things.

My husband and I have been praying about how to handle things like this.
Thank you for this post. I have always struggled with the need to be out of the house. Quitting my job and having my daughter was a struggle at first because I felt confined. But over time I see it as a blessing. We still get out to the gym, grocery, etc., but are mainly at home and I love it! The house is clean, I get to cook, and we have really gotten to know our neighbors and their children which we wouldn't do if we weren't home. I've also been able to happily agree when my husband asks if he can invite colleagues to dinner or host family because I'm not stressed. Sometimes I feel like I'm not serving enough but then I remember (like your post) I'm serving my family, neighbors, and friends. Everyone knows our home is open and welcoming. Thank you for all of your posts!

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