Are You a Feminist or Feminine?

Taylor Swift was on a talk show this week. I like Taylor so I watched it. In the interview, she stated that she loves feminism. She said its allowed women to be strong, powerful and independent {or something like this}. Feminists demand to be heard. They demand their rights. Taylor Swift is a feminist and proud of it.  Let’s analyze this for a minute since many in our society today think these are important qualities for women to develop, even Christian women. Does God want us to be strong, powerful and independent? Are these qualities He cherishes?

First of all, what does being feminine look like according to the Bible? It is having a gentle and quiet spirit. It does not demand being heard or being right. It is not quarrelsome or argumentative. It is allowing our husbands to lead and respecting them. It is finding our strength in the Lord and not in ourselves or our accomplishments. It is being dependent upon the Lord and His will for our lives. It is not concerned with being powerful or making a name for ourselves. The only name we want to make for ourselves is being known as a lover of Jesus and others. God wants women to be feminine. He wants us to dress modestly and act femininely. We should be known for our good works of serving others {I Timothy 5:10}.

Ken’s mother was feminine. She was always joyful and singing. When her husband scolded her, she quickly went to him and asked him for forgiveness. She was a wise woman who took rebuke. Ken NEVER heard her say one cross word to his father or be angry with him. She often would jump on his lap hugging and kissing him. She honored her husband as head of the home. She loved deeply and forgave freely.

Most of us have been tainted by the feminist movement. It is deep in our core. It is in the air we breathe! We want to be in control. We want to be right. We want our way. We want to be independent from our husbands and not allow them to tell us when we are wrong or confront us. {At least, I am this way. Maybe many of you are not.}

Many marriages are in shambles today because of the feminist influence. Many husbands have no control over their wives. They feel helpless to lead and therefore become passive. The wives are strong and want their own way, eventually going off and doing their own thing. We must be able to see this clearly and call it what it is, SIN.

Some women have a much easier time being feminine and soft. They have a gentle and serving personality. They are the golden retrievers among us. For some of us strong personalities {lions}, however, it is much more difficult. We must not look to our society and what is politically correct to decide how we should dress or behave. We need to look into the Word of God and find out how God defines femininity.

Study I Peter 3:1-6 to find out God’s definition of femininity or I Timothy 5:5-14. Even Proverbs 31 gives many indications of how God defines a feminine woman.

Let it be the hidden person of the heart, 

with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, 

which is precious in the sight of God. 

I Peter 3:4

Successfully Juggling Husband, Children and Home

If you’re anything like me {the joy filled wife}, when you ponder the infamous characteristics of Proverbs 31’s “Wife of Noble Character,” it’s hard not to feel like you’re falling painfully short of the ideal. In our striving to be the helpmeet God intended us to be, it’s not always so cut and dry trying to live out these principles in a 21st century world where there are so many distractions and scenarios to contend with. There seems to be a finer line and a tighter rope we women walk in this day and age as we face the detriment that the feminist movement has brought about and how it has impacted generations of women by blurring the lines of our clearly defined Biblical role in marriage and family.

SETTING THE SCENE

My husband is the owner of a company. He is a visionary, a command man, and a dreamer through and through. He not only welcomes challenges, but he thrives on them. He is a man in constant pursuit of victory. My husband’s primary love languages are Quality Time and Acts of Service. The Acts of Service portion of my husband’s love language is manifested in two ways: Home Management and Company Management. My husband thrives in orderly environments where things are kept up to his standards and level of expectation. His mind becomes chaotic if he walks into a home that’s dirty, untidy, and void of a prepared meal. He wants his household managed well and to walk in to a peaceful environment surrounded by happy faces. He wants to know that there will always be clean socks in his drawer and that his suits and ties aren’t spending week-long vacations at the dry cleaners. My husband holds me to an extremely high standard as a wife and mom and, although it can feel overwhelming at times, it has made me a much stronger woman. 

PRIORITIZING & TIME-MANAGEMENT

When it comes to business, my husband is a Visionary that deeply desires my participation in every project he is working on. He also craves my feedback. He feels neglected if I am not playing a significant role in the growth of his company and sharing in both his successes and failures. He has told me on numerous occasions that the moral of the company is significantly higher when I play an active role in the day to day. But how to fulfill my husband’s wishes and still live out God’s design for me as keeper of the home? 

Back in the olden days, most families ran some sort of business. From ranching to farming to owning a deli or a local pharmacy, every member of the family participated in some aspect of the work that needed to be done to earn a living. The husband’s job was usually to do the grunt work and the majority of the work that needed to be done away from home. The wife took care of the household and was responsible for teaching her children by having them participate in chores and errands to help keep things running on their end. Back then, children knew how to work hard from a very young age because they participated in the work done at home. Today, many children grow up never learning the value of giving their all and working toward a goal. My husband and I never wanted our children to grow up lazy or entitled, so, along with lots of fun and learning, one of my jobs is to teach our children how to work hard.

As you can imagine, managing both a household and a company well is a tall order. With the priority being for me to be at home during the daytime with our children, my husband and I decided to have me spend a couple of hours in the evenings after dinner conducting company interviews and working with any females in the company that need training. My husband uses this time to spend special Daddy time with our kids. They look forward to that time so much. After my meetings are complete, we pray with our children, put them to bed, and spend an hour together before heading to bed ourselves. We take Sundays off to spend time together as a family outdoors and at church.

Except for an errand or two that my husband may ask me to run with the kids after breakfast {a great opportunity to learn people skills}, my husband handles all the daytime business work. That will change in the next year or so when he will be transitioning most of the daytime work to someone else and take a step back and mostly oversee things

SACRIFICING

My participation in the growth of my husband’s company was so important to him that, when we came to the conclusion that maintaining a home of our size made it extremely challenging for me to help him during this time of growth and transition in his company, he solved the problem by moving us into a home ⅓ the size of our previous one. As you can imagine, that took me a significantly less amount of time to maintain and freed me up to show my husband love and respect in the way he wanted it most. I could have complained to him about downsizing, even though I know it’s only temporary until after the transition next year, but I was grateful that my husband took my concerns to heart and made a way for me to show him respect by partnering with him, without neglecting my responsibilities at home. Every marriage and situation is different, but we serve a wonderfully wise God who is able to sort out even the greatest predicament to accomplish His will in our marriage and life. 

In closing, I want to say that one of the best pieces of advice I ever received regarding time management is from my mother in law. She told me, “If you want something to get done, give it to a busy person.” We’ve all heard that a body in motion stays in motion and a body at rest has a hard time getting going. That’s why it’s so important that we truly follow Titus 5:2’s example and stay busy at home. When a person is not busy {and particularly a woman}, gossip, dissatisfaction, impure thoughts, depression, anxiety, and laziness tend to be a bigger struggle for us. Especially depression and dissatisfaction. That’s why I personally stay away from wasting my time on social media and surfing the web. My time has more value and I feel better about myself when I’m not wasting a lot of time doing unproductive things. On the flip side, I am also careful not to overbook my schedule with outside activities.

TYPICAL DAILY SCHEDULE

 1. Get the children up early and ready for the morning/day.

    2. Put the kids in the car and turn on praise music after Daddy prays for our day.

    3. Get to the location of our first errand 45 minutes early so we can sit in the car and practice Bible verses, verbally discuss our objectives and schedule for the day, and then I do my personal devotions while the kids read quietly by themselves.

    4. Strive to complete errand(s) within 1 hour and set a goal with the kids of how many people we are going to smile at, be friendly to, or give a sincere compliment.

    5. Let the kids run around at the park for 30-45 minutes.

    6. Head home and put in/take out a load of laundry before making lunch.

    7. Kids complete schoolwork while I do some heavier house cleaning.

    8. Kids go down for a nap and I spend that time responding to company voice mails, texts, emails, putting away laundry, prepping dinner, working out, etc. If I have finished all of my work and have extra time before the kids get up, I will spend a little bit of time reading, commenting, or writing on a couple of blogs. That is the only “me time” I really ever spend online at this phase of life.

    9. Play with the kids, read a story, continue prepping dinner, 

and have the kids help me with remaining housekeeping.

  10. Prepare and eat dinner as a family and then I get dressed 

for business and my husband spends time with the kids.

  11. Once I get home, I quickly do the dishes and then 

we pray with the kids and put them to bed.

12. My husband and I spend time together and then go to bed.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, 

and eateth not the bread of idleness.

Proverbs 31:27

photo source

Is Teaching a Good Career for Mothers?

Society tells us that being a teacher is a good career for a mother. She is only working when the children are in school and home when the children are at home. Did anyone ever think of asking the children what they thought about this?

On my post She Was Always There, several women commented that their mothers were teachers, very good teachers but they felt robbed because of it. Some said their mothers gave all they had to the children they taught and had nothing left for them when their mothers got home. Another one said that her mother never taught her the fine arts of keeping a home.

I substituted for awhile when my youngest was in junior high. I noticed that all the female teachers were dragging by the end of the day. I was exhausted when I came home and could hardly move. I would lay on the couch and stay there a long time. My poor daughter, who I was suppose to be home schooling, was not getting much of my time or attention. I also taught full-time the first two years of my oldest daughter's life. I felt like I wasn't a good wife, mother or teacher because I was so overwhelmed.

Teaching is exhausting. It takes a ton of energy to teach a bunch of children. One of my friends who had children and was a teacher said it was like running a marathon. I have never wanted to run a marathon so it sure did not appeal to me.

One of the teachers at this fine Christian school told me that she could always tell the students who had SAHMs verses moms who worked outside of the home. She told me the students who had full-time mothers at home were more secure and happy.

Saying all this, I love teachers and am very thankful for them but I will always encourage mothers who have children at home to be home full-time with their children, if at all possible. Single women, women with no children or children who are all grown up have a lot more time and energy needed to invest in teaching and they don't have children at home that need them.

Something always suffers when we extend ourselves beyond what we should. It is usually the marriage that suffers, unfortunately. We fail to realize that the best thing we can do for our children is to stay married to their father until death do us part. Our marriage should always be a top priority in our lives.

I will therefore that the younger women marry, 

bear children, guide the house, give none occasion 

to the adversary to speak reproachfully.

I Timothy 5:14
photo source

Home-Cooked Family Meals ~ Too Expensive and Time Consuming?

Yes, you read that right. Amanda Marcotte wrote an article and said that expecting home-cooked family meals is too "expensive and time-consuming and often done for a bunch of ingrates who would rather just be eating fast food anyway."  She also sites women as being too busy because they work outside of the home and many people are too poor to cook.

It does seem like home-cooking your food is going by the wayside. I see all these state-of-the-art kitchens and no one using them. Fast food joints are as busy as ever and children get to decide what they want to eat instead of being told what they are going to eat.

A lot of women are too busy to fix home-cooked food thanks to the majority of women working outside of the home. Home-cooked food does take a lot of time and preparation, but I believe it is one of the very most important things mothers can do for their families.

Food was meant to nourish our bodies. When you eat out, you have no idea what is in the food. Restaurants usually use the cheapest ingredients they can find. Food Babe did an article about Subway sandwiches and what exactly is in them. They are filled with toxic chemicals even though we think of them as being healthy. The bottom line for the majority of restaurants is money, not health.

Secondly, meals eaten together establish strong relationships in families. My very favorite thing to do in the world is to sit down to a home-cooked meal with my family and fellowship. I love knowing their bodies are being nourished and I love the time we spend together talking and laughing. These times are vital to strong, healthy families.

For her to say that too many people are too poor to cook is a joke. She said they don't have the utensils to cook. Even in third world countries, mothers cook their families home-cooked food. You can buy almost all of your utensils at a Goodwill store and you really don't need that many items to make healthy meals.

The problem with picky, ungrateful eaters is often a problem with the way  you train your children. I wouldn't let my children be picky. They ate what I fixed. I could have trained them to say "thank you" after every meal but I didn't. I have learned to do things out of love and serving my family without expecting anything in return. {I am not saying it is wrong to teach your children to say "thank you" and have a grateful attitude. I just didn't think about it when my children were growing up. It probably is a VERY good idea, however.}

Yes, fixing home-cooked meals is an act of loving sacrifice but something that is so important and should not be neglected just because everyone else is neglecting it. Families will suffer in the long term because of this. They already have.

Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: 

thy children like olive plants round about thy table.

Psalm 128:3

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Would You Call Your Marriage AWESOME?

There is an article that is titled 18 Reasons Why Being Married is AWESOME. I sent it to my children and Emily wrote back this to me, "I showed Steven the list and he said 'I'll give you 100 reasons!'" {Steven is loving being married to Emily!}

I love this article. I wish everyone thought marriage was awesome. Sadly, I don't believe the majority of couples would use this word to describe their marriage. Would you call your marriage awesome?

"You have someone to have sex with forever! Yay!" I am not sure a lot of husbands agree with this. Well, they probably get sex once in a while when their wife feels like it but not nearly as often as they would like. It is usually on the wife's timetable, not on his. {I realize that sometimes it is the wife who wants intimacy more but her husband withholds it from her. This is just as sinful as a wife withholding it according to God.}

"You get to spend every day with your best friend. AND have the most fun sleep over party every night." I seriously doubt a lot of couples feel that their spouse is their best friend. Best friends accept each other just the way that they are and don't try to change them. They listen to each other and want the best for each other. They love being together!

"You have someone who actually believes in you and wants to motivate you." Do you believe in your husband? Do you speak words of affirmation and encouragement to him? Do you tell him you love and admire him for who he is and not what you wish he were?

All Christian marriages should be awesome. What a huge testimony to the power of the Gospel in our lives this would be to a dark and decaying world. We shouldn't look or act like the world. We have the power of the risen Christ living within us. Christian marriages are to model Christ and the church!

Work on making your marriage awesome as far as it depends upon you. Become a godly, submissive help meet to your husband. Put on the full armor of the Lord daily so you can fight the darts the enemy sends your way in trying to destroy your marriage with unforgiveness and bitterness. Don't fight and quarrel, nag or manipulate. These are not habits friends and lovers should have towards each other. Become a wife where your children and husband praise you!

 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; 

her husband also, and he praiseth her.

Proverbs 31:28

***I have started an Always Learning Chat Room which is a closed Facebook page designed for women of God who want to be able to openly share their struggles, triumphs and encourage one another. You'll be able to see what you post on your news feed but only members will be able to also see them. It's difficult for many to find women whose greatest desire is to glorify the Lord and base their lives solely upon the Word of God. Join us if you'd like!

Obedience When No One Is Watching

My Aunt Rosie has never gotten a speeding ticket. She is 78 years old. She always drives within the acceptable speed limit and is very careful to obey all the traffic rules. When we were in Wisconsin, my dad was kind of laughing at her because as she turned onto her street, she had her blinker on. The unique thing about that is barely anyone drives along the roads near her home. There is not a stop light within 50 miles of her home. We vacation there every summer because it is so quiet and peaceful on the Green Bay side of Lake Michigan. 

Aunt Rosie obeys the traffic laws even when no one is watching. It got me to thinking, are we as careful to obey all of God's commands to us even when no one is looking. Are we careful what we watch knowing that God wants us to dwell on the lovely and the good? Do we respect and submit to our husbands in the quiet of our homes? Are we joyful and kind to those in our home as much as we are to strangers? Do we take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ? Is our speech seasoned with salt so that no unwholesome words come out of our mouths? Do we forgive easily and show grace even to those in-laws we don't like much?

God wants us to pay close attention to the way that we live our lives. Others are watching us. Are we different than the world around us or are we hypocrites like so many who claim the name of Christ? We must be especially careful around our children for they should see Jesus in us more than anyone. Sure, we will blow it but we quickly apologize and ask for forgiveness.

Determine to be lights in this dark world. If my Aunt can spend her whole life carefully obeying the laws of the road, we can spend our lives making sure we are not blaspheming the Word of God through our disobedience since God's Holy Spirit lives inside of us enabling us to walk in obedience to Him.

Take heed unto thyself, and unto the doctrine; 
continue in them: for in doing this thou shalt both save thyself,
 and them that hear thee.
I Timothy 4:16

An Emotional Afterthought to His Father

Dennis Prager is a radio personality. I use to listen to him a lot, but I don't anymore. With all my health problems and what is going on in the world, I am no longer too interested in news items that I have no control over. I prefer to minister to young women, read godly blogs and books, and watch a few decent television shows like Home and Family on Hallmark.

 Dennis is a practicing Jew. He loves and supports Christians fully, realizing their benefit to society. He defends Christianity and our values. I admire him and agree with most of his views. Dennis Prager's dad just died. He was 96 years old. He recently wrote a touching tribute to his dad. My favorite paragraph was this one ~

My father loved my mother. He loved her more than anyone or anything in life. They were married for 69 years, together for 73. Growing up, my brother and I were largely emotional afterthoughts in my father’s life. Emotionally speaking, we were tenants in our parents’ house. That is why, as I said above, it was a blessing that our parents lived so long. They had all those years to express more love.

No wonder Dennis can spend a whole hour every week discussing happiness. He always tells us he is naturally a happy person. He was raised in a HAPPY home! This makes it very easy to grow up happy. Not many children could write those words about their father or mother. However, the greatest gift you can give your children is to love your husband, I mean, really love him. The children should be able to easily see your love for him by the way you speak to him, touch him, respect him, submit to him, and try to please him. This is the greatest security and chance for being happy that you can give your children.

Most mothers say they are doing everything for the sake of their children, even divorcing their father. I have heard women saying this! They put their children way above their husband and this always leads to strife. God told older women to teach young women to love their husband and then love their children. He knows how important this is for the health of the children.

Love your husband! Put him ahead of your children and you will be doing the best thing for them. They will be in a home bathed in love, a secure home, and a happy home.

Let your fountain be blessed: 

and rejoice with the wife of your youth.

Proverbs 5:18

Acquiring the Qualities of Jill Duggar

Jill Duggar is an amazing young woman. When her family was sharing the qualities they loved about her, I was thinking that these are the qualities all of us should strive to attain. Josh said that he doesn't even remember Jill doing anything wrong, "She's like a little angel."  The words that her family used to describe her are loving, delightful, sweet, energetic, bubbly, giver and fun. Michelle added, "Jill has really always had a servant's heart. She is very giving."

As women of God, we all need to be pursuing these character traits. We must put off the clothing of anger, bitterness, and resentment and clothe ourselves with gentleness, goodness, forgiveness, compassion, and serving others. It is good to have role models like Jill! If you have watched her show, you know that she has inherited these traits from her mother. Her mother always seems to be kind and loving. Since she has 19 children, you know she has a servant's heart. Not many women would be willing to give up their "freedom" to have that many children.

Do you know how much easier it is to have godly traits when you are raised by a godly mother? Many young men are married to rebellious wives. Their wives were never modeled gentleness and submission so they have no idea what it looks like or simply refuses to allow anyone else to "control" them. I know. It isn't easy for me but it doesn't mean I want to allow rebellion to rule me. No, I want the Lord to rule me and He commands that I be submissive to my husband.

Jill, undoubtedly, has a very easy time being submissive to her husband. She was modeled it by her mother and she has a gentle, submissive spirit. I don't sense any rebellion in her at all. She was never influenced by feminists thinking. She was homeschooled by her mother and didn't watch television to see the many rebellious women running around who claim being self-sufficient, independent and trying to be like men is a good thing.

Therefore, women, pursue godliness for there is great gain in this pursuit. Become women of the Word and doers of the Word. Love the Lord, your husband, and children. Be willing to have a servant's heart towards them. Jill, at a very young age, is a role model to older women like me!

Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, 

for God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.

I Peter 5:5

A Sexist Question: How Do You Balance Work and Family?

Jennifer Garner {a famous movie actress} believes this question is sexist. Many people ask her how she balances work and family. No one ever asks her husband this question even though they have the same family and same job. She doesn't think this is fair at all. What do you think?

It is amazing that many years after the feminist movement and the majority of mothers working outside of the home that this question is still asked to women and not men. Why? Because women will always be the one whose primary responsibility is the home, no matter how hard they try to have the same roles as men.

The majority of men will never be able to make a home like a woman does and men will never be able to have babies. Some things are inherited because of our sex, not what society is trying to make "fair." Women will always be the ones where babies are grown in and then nurse at the breast. Men can never take this job. Women will always have more of the nesting instinct than men and men will be the ones more apt to shoulder the responsibility of providing.

I don't care what century you live in or what society you grow up in, women will always be the ones bearing, nursing, and making a home for their babies. It is their God-given instinct. When a child is sick, they are the ones who will instinctively want to be home with them. They can multitask and do many things at one time. They are the ones best suited to be at home and raise children.

I have had friends divorce their husbands because their husbands gave the children cheerios for dinner and put them to bed in their regular clothes! They will usually forget to bathe them too. Most of them just don't have the "home" instinct that women have and when women are asked how they juggle work and family, they will usually admit to feeling guilty since they know that running a home and raising children are primarily their role no matter how feminized our society becomes.

A man buys a house. His wife makes it a home. A man gives his name to his wife. She, if the Lord wills, gives him children with his name. Your worth is above rubies, dear women. NEVER let anyone convince you otherwise. This is the way it has been since time began and NOTHING feminist try to do will ever change this.

Can a woman forget her nursing child 

And have no compassion on the son of her womb? 

Isaiah 49:15

Do Careers for Women Give Men an Easy Way Out?

With wives getting education and careers, do they really need a husband to provide for them? How has women leaving the home in droves to pursue careers affected marriage? This was enlightening comment on one of my posts recently and I thought I would share it ~

My parents divorced and my mother had her own career and was able to fully support herself.  My husband's parents had many years of a difficult marriage, with a bout of infidelity thrown in for good measure, and as much as my mother-in-law wanted to leave and be done with it, she couldn't leave because she had nowhere to go because she was an at-home mom. As much as my father-in-law wanted to be done, he couldn't because they had four children to raise and where would his wife go?  All the kids are grown now and they've been together 40 years! They simply had to learn to work together and they did. 

In my mom's case, the career meant she wasn't able to be present for my dad. She worked days, he worked nights. She was stressed, he was stressed. My dad got tired of it and wanted out. He knew my mom could take care of herself. If she didn't have the career, would the decision to divorce have weighed on his conscience more? Possibly, yes. If she didn't have the career, would she have put more energy into the family and relationship with with dad? Possibly, yes. My point is that which came first, the chicken or the egg? Did divorce happen because of women working? Or did working women happen because of divorce? I think we're TOLD it's the latter...but I wonder if really it's the former.

I completely believe it is the former. Before women left the home and pursued careers, divorce was much less. In the late 1800's, the divorce was between 3-5% and the article states, "One factor that influenced divorce statistics at this time was the fact that women, outside of marriage, had very few economic opportunities." Before you get all riled up, I am not saying we should go back to the time when women didn't haven't any economic opportunities. In my opinion, if a wife wants to add to her family's income or has some extra time, she should figure out a way to make some money from home where she could still manage the home and family, yet be her own boss and not some other man. She could care for a few extra children, run an etsy shop, cook for others, get into photography, or find something that uses her talents and that she enjoys. With the Internet, there are many ways a woman could find a way to bring in some extra cash. I know many women help their husbands with their business. Just make sure you keep your marriage and family as your top priority!

Pastor Jack Graham wrote this recently ~ "The number one question asked by teenagers of their fathers today isn't, 'Dad, can I have the car key? It's not, 'Can you raise my allowance?' No, the number one question kids ask today is, 'Dad, do you love mom?'" So many of our children today live in fear. They have a constant nightmare that somehow their family is going to break down. And for far, far too many of these precious boys and girls, that nightmare becomes a reality when either dad or mom checks out of the marital relationship."

It's just TOO much to ask women with children to hold down a career, keep a strong marriage by being a help meet to her husband, train her children in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord, and keep a clean and tidy home. Be wise in the decisions you make, women. Our decisions have far-reaching consequences for our children and society.

Marriage should be honored by all.

Hebrews 13:4

Her "Wants" and "Feelings" are Destroying Her Marriage

Ever since I have known her, she has been mad at her husband, even before she married him! I asked her to ponder why she is always mad at him and she responded {notice how many times she says "I want" or "I feel"} ~

"I can't explain why I stay mad at him. I thought about it. I WANT to live in harmony with my husband BUT I want it to be mutual. When I don't feel like he is being a great husband or if he does things that I don't like {like going out whenever he wants while I'm stuck at home with the kids} then it is easier for me to get upset with him because I'm not getting what I want. Many times, I feel like I've been given the short end of the stick and don't enjoy life and feel like I'm missing out on a lot. Many friends my age are out enjoying life freely. I feel way older than I am and feel trapped in a box just surviving while my husband is living the life he wants to live; he leaves when he pleases, he does what he wants and seems to enjoy his life much more than I enjoy mine. I'm mad because I wish we could enjoy life together and enjoy each other but it doesn't seem like I'm a priority to him. I envy other couples who genuinely love each other's company and spend lots of time doing things they enjoy together. He and I don't know how to do that."

First of all, you have been angry with him long before you were married. He never did live up to your expectations. You never have enjoyed him. Nothing changes after you marry. Have you ever thought that maybe he doesn't enjoy being with you because he knows you disapprove of him and he can never live up to your expectations?

No man has ever crawled out from under his wife's criticism to become a better man {Debi Pearl}. I remember asking you if you ever smiled at him. This was before you got married and I was mentoring you. You told me you never did because you were always angry with him. You knew exactly what you were getting when you married him. 

We need to take your finger from pointing at him and point it at you. I KNOW he is not perfect and has faults but it is NOT your responsibility to convict and change him. You have shared your disappointments and hurts with him. He knows but as long as you stay mad at him, you will never win him and have the type of relationship you want.

Both of you come from difficult backgrounds. You both brought in a lot of baggage into the marriage. You weren't raised with any godly role models. However, you are both new creatures in Christ. Your past died and is forgiven through the precious blood of our Savior. Now, begin living the new life that He died to give you. Forgive him for all of his sins and mistakes. Yes, it is easier to hold onto anger and unforgiveness, but you are just giving Satan a foothold into your life and home. God wants you to forgive him as He has forgiven you.

Many women, like you, are not experiencing marriage the way they thought they would. Reality rarely lives up to our expectations. God never promises us happy marriages but He does tell us that godliness with contentment is GREAT gain. Therefore, you need to work on becoming godly. Spend daily time in His Word. Are you doing this? Fill your mind with good things. Stop filling it with garbage from the world. Work on becoming thankful and filled with gratitude for all the good things the Lord has done for you and how He provides for you.

Maybe your friends aren't having that good of a time. Going shopping and to movies and just hanging out gets old too. They may appear to be happy but are they really? We should never compare our lives to others. We are to measure our lives with Jesus. Are we becoming more like Him? This is all that matters; not if life is going the way you planned. 

I bet your husband would be enjoying his life a whole lot more if you loved him just the way that he was. He would take that over his "freedom" any day and besides, then he would probably want to be home with you more if he actually enjoyed being with you. You never enjoy someone who doesn't accept you the way that you are, NEVER. You will never have the marriage you envision if you continue to stay mad and disappointed in him.

He works hard so you can be at home with the children. He is talented and good looking. He is easy to talk to. He has many good qualities. You are beautiful. Your smile lights up the room when you use it! You are also easy to talk to. You are both wonderful people. There is NO reason you can't have a great marriage. The only way you will ever get that, however, is to accept him just the way that he is and shower love upon him.

Stay focused upon his good qualities and throw away his bad. Let the Lord deal with him in his sins and faults. He does a good job at that. Begin thanking the Lord for him and all the things you love about him. Your ministry right now is to your husband, your children and your home. This is a HIGH calling from the Lord. You are raising godly offspring! There is nothing more important than that.

We love both of you and want the best for you. We would love to see you happily married to each other and we know you can accomplish this but you must give up all of your expectations and allow the Lord to build your marriage His way. He commands you love, respect, please, serve and obey your husband. Do marriage on His terms and you WILL reap beautiful fruit!

With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, 

forbearing one another in love.

Ephesians 4:2

***This is what she just sent me, "Your email was good for me to read. It's the truth. Taking it day by day and learning to rely on the Lord and His Word." Made my day!!!

Why Do You Want to Stay Mad at Your Husband?

Do you know that if you are continually angry with your husband, you are living in sin? The majority of women I have mentored are continually mad at their husbands. If you are one of them, honestly ask yourself why this is so. "Why am I always angry with my husband?" I have a few theories, since I was a pro at it for MANY years! 

It was a manipulation tactic I used to try and get Ken to do what I wanted him to do. It was used as a way to CONTROL him. Sometimes I used it because I wanted him to apologize and tell me he was sorry since arguments were always his fault, in my prideful mind. Still, it was just another way to try and control him. When he forgets your birthday, says the wrong thing, doesn't pick up after himself, watches too much television, isn't sensitive enough to your feelings, etc. and you get angry with him, you are using your anger to try and get him to behave the way you think he should behave. You gain NOTHING good by staying angry with him and only lose any relationship you hope to have with him. The only thing you gain is a foothold by Satan into your life. Your life will never experience God's blessings if you continue to live in sin by being angry with your husband.

Anger is NOT good. There are numerous Bible verses against being angry ~ 

But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, 

blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.
Colossians 3:8

A fool gives full vent to his anger, 

but a wise man keeps himself under control. 

Proverbs 29:11

Instead of being angry, we are called to forgive freely, not be easily offended and love earnestly. This includes our husbands. Being upset and angry with him all the time IS sin, even if what you are angry about is his sin but it will NEVER lead to a better marriage. Anger towards your husband pushes him away from you and will never draw him to you. It builds a huge wall between the two of you that just gets wider and wider as anger and bitterness takes root.

You will NEVER win your husband by being angry at him. You win him without a word by godly behavior and freely forgiving him which is much harder to do than holding onto your anger. Always being angry is completely opposite of being godly. We are not suppose to try to control our husbands through any manipulation tactics. Nowhere in the Bible does it tell us to do this. It tells us to love, submit to, obey, please, and respect our husbands, NOT be angry with them. Yes, confront them in their sin but then let go of the anger.

Admit your sin to your husband. Ask him for forgiveness. We are called to forgive 70 X 7 times, regardless of his sin since Jesus forgave us for every sin we ever committed or ever will commit. Win him with your forgiving and forbearing spirit. In this way, you are preaching the Gospel to a lost generation. "Oh my, how she loves her husband, even in spite of his sin!"

Besides, a huge part of "loving your children" is providing a peaceful home for them. Tension and conflict produce fear in children. "Better is a little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and turmoil with it." Do everything in YOUR power to be at peace with your husband and stop living in sin.

Be gentle and forbearing with one another and, if one has a difference {a grievance or complaint} against another, readily pardoning each other; even as the Lord has freely forgiven you, so must you also forgive. 

Colossians 3:13

Choose Life! A Walk in the Spirit

It seems that the wisdom of Solomon is so true, that nothing really changes except for the seasons and the times.  The call to Israel to choose God over idols is the same call we are faced with today. Will we choose life or will we choose death? Will we choose to walk in the Spirit or walk in the flesh? Our study of Romans 6-8 continues as we have moved from our freedom from sin {Romans 6} to discover that just like the children of Israel we can can go back into bondage of our flesh {Romans 7} if we choose death over life, if we choose our own reality of a walk in the flesh over a walk in the Spirit. Now in Romans 8 we discover God's reality that "you are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of Christ dwells in you." {Romans 8:9}. 

Really Lord? You are telling me to believe something that goes completely against what I can see, touch, feel, and experience. My flesh sure seems like it is alive and kicking, yet you want me to believe that "I died with Christ" that my "body of sin might be destroyed" and I am now alive in Christ Jesus as a New Creature who can walk in the Spirit and say "NO" to sin?

God said to the children of Israel, "I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both you and your seed may live." {Deuteronomy 30:1} Fast forward 2000 years later and find that same Promise coming true in Jesus as the “Word, became flesh and dwelt among us.” The Promise that was given to Adam, was refined through Abraham, now was coming to fruition in Christ Jesus. The fact that the seed of Abraham would produce a Messiah that would deliver mankind from sin was a remarkable proposition. It was a simple spoken Word, a Promise of God, now fulfilled when God Himself becomes a man and dies with thieves on a cross. 

What does it mean that “the Word became flesh,” except that God Himself cannot be separated from His Word as they are one and the same. Christ is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things have been created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together {Colossians 1:16,17}.  Christ and the Word of God are inseparable, as Christ is the Word in the flesh, the Promise who became a man.

All believers know that the cross on which Christ suffered was intended for each and every one of us, yet what God promises is that anyone who looks upon the cross of Christ and believes in Him shall be saved. Through a promise from God, we are spared eternal damnation as Christ took on the penalty and pain, not only for my sins, but the sins of the whole world; That whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life {John 3:16}.  The promise that God made, has been kept, and all men who call upon the name of Jesus and who believe that God raised Him from the dead are saved {Romans 10:19}.

The children of Israel who wandered the desert would have understood the cross and its promised salvation quite clearly. Not only had they sprinkled the blood of the lamb on the wooden doorposts, in the manner of a cross, they also found salvation in the desert from the stings of the vipers by looking at a brazen snake held high on a post. The illustrations from history are remarkably clear that salvation comes from a promise of God, to those who by faith believe His promises. Such faith always results in actions and bears fruit in the lives of those who believe. 

The outstanding Bible teacher, Michael Pearl in his Romans series, tells the story of the research scientist who raised snakes in the California desert and milked their venom for sale to the manufacturers of antivenom. His wife called him one afternoon and frantically told him to get to the local hospital as his seven year old son had been bitten by one of his most deadly snakes. He rushed to the hospital only to be greeted by the doctor who said that there was nothing he could do to save the little boy. No anti-venom could arrive in less than 2-3 hours, even by plane, and by that time his son would be dead.

“Why not me,” cried out the father, “why not me?”

The doctor tried to comfort him by saying, “God needs you to be here to be strong for your family and to provide for them.”

“No, No… you don’t understand. I have been bitten by so many deadly snakes that the venom cannot kill me.  I might have terrible pain but I cannot die because of a snake bite.”

Within minutes the doctor had the father’s blood typed, and as it was a match, he was placed in a bed beside his son and the blood from his veins was coursing through his dying son’s body. The son lived because the father had been stung countless times before and he was willing to share his immune rich blood with his dying son who was saved.

The promised One, the Word of God, the hope of all Israel and the whole world, hung on a cross and received all of the stings of sin Satan could give Him. He took it all. Now He simply asks us to look upon Him, to place our faith in Him and at that moment His blood will instantly be coursing through our veins. The sure antidote for sin is the blood of one who has been stung with sin a myriad of times, yet could not be kept in a grave.  Is it not a wonderful irony that the serpent of old, the snake himself, would now provide us with the perfect antidote? That just as the venom of the snake can kill, it also will bring life to those who are bitten if they take the anti-venom, purified through the blood of a lamb.  {Yes, the preferred animal used to make antivenom is now a lamb}.  

Sin will kill life, kill relationships, and destroys our bodies unless we tap into the antidote of a new Spirit that only Christ can give by dwelling within is. Every believer has Jesus, the blood of the true Lamb of God and His life flowing in us. And that very life will flow through us to others, each and every moment we believe in God’s promises.

One might have expected history to be kinder to the children of Israel as the receivers of the promise, yet it is replete with one sad story after another of unbelief, and a falling away from what they knew to be true. Had not God kept his promise to deliver Israel through Moses?  Had he not brought them to a land of promise overflowing with milk and honey? Yet, as the seasons changed and time marched on, one generation after another fell into unbelief. The history of God’s mighty work and His Promise was quickly discounted for trusting what one could see, touch, feel and experience. 

Perhaps the children of Israel are excused far more than the Christian can be for their unbelief, for they did not partake of the Spirit of Christ the way that we are given it today. Their resource to keep God’s commands was limited, yet we have within us the unlimited power of God's Spirit, the very life of Jesus within us, to walk in obedience, and in newness of life, so that the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit {Romans 8:4}.

It is so easy to believe the material world instead of the promises of God. There is nothing new in Joshua’s cry to “choose you this day whom you will serve” whether the gods which your fathers served, or the Lord God of Israel. The choice to serve God or serve some other god, especially the god of our own fleshly desires, remains to be chosen each and every moment of our lives. We choose God when we believe Him.

Most of us as believers stumble into the same pattern as the children of Israel, and we forget that we were purged from our sins {2 Peter 1:9}. Our blindness quickly overtakes the reality of the Promise. Mankind is so conditioned by the world, and the influences of the world to trust only what we can experience. Our “reality” becomes what can be proven with hypothesis and repetition in order to be believed. This is the lie of Satan, yes, the serpent of old, who went to Eve and then Adam and said, “Don’t trust God; trust what you can touch and see; trust your inward desires; trust me instead.”

For the Christian, when we believe in the Promise of God, we instantly receive the eternal life in Christ Jesus and are guaranteed no damnation for our sins: past, present or future.  The antidote is complete in Christ {Colossians 2:10}.  The promise of God to Abraham now becomes a multitude of promises made by God to His Son, and all those who are in Christ Jesus. Those who taste eternal life by entering into the death, burial and resurrection of Christ, become inextricably fused into His body. Our old lives are dead and we are raised with Christ, and made alive again, that we might walk in newness of life {Romans 6:4}.

It seems that from one end of the Word of God to the other there is a battle raging between what man can see vs. what God calls the reality of His Promise. I believe God wants it this way.  He wants a world where everything around us looks so real. A delicious apple glowing from the one tree we are not to eat from with our desires and our feelings so strong. Yet deep in the soul of all men God has placed a whisper that says, “Will you trust me?”  “Will you believe me?” “Will you walk by faith and not by sight” “Will you walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh?” "For when you do you prove your love for your Creator."

Will you choose this day life or death? Will you believe God that you are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that Spirit of God dwells in you? {Romans 8:9} Will you approach the Christian life not as a huge effort to be a better person, or sin less, but instead to simply believe and trust in each and every one of God’s promises?  For when we believe God is when we find true life, abundant and free. Christ breathes His Spirit into our souls each and every moment we trust in His promises. Choose Life!

For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins {Colossians 1:13}, and you are not of this world {John 18:36}.