Monday, July 11, 2016

Applying the Rod ~ Chapter Nine

When I was a disobedient child, my mom would tell me to go to my  room. The anticipation of knowing I was going to get a spanking was not fun. {This is why I was a fast learner!} She would come in with a flyswatter and spank me on my bare bottom. Afterwards, she would hold me in her arms and tell me why she spanked me. "I want you to grow up to be a disciplined adult, Lori, and this is why I had to spank you. You need to learn to obey me right away when I tell you to do something." Then it would be over and I would go happily off to play. This is much better and more effective than time outs or being grounded. It's over quickly!

We did the same with our children, only we used an eighteen inch piece of leather strap. The interesting thing is we bought it at our church. Our church had speakers come in and teach us how to train our children and explained that this strap was the perfect size because it was easy to control. The goal was to discipline and train our children, not harm them. I received one spanking after five years old and I can't remember spanking my children after five years old. My parents would tell you that my sisters and me were a joy to raise and Ken and I found our children were as well.

The majority of children will display a rebellious will when they are young. They will want their own way and have control. This is when you have to act quickly and appropriately without anger and without wanting to take out your anger on your child. You must remember why you are spanking them and for what purpose. 

When I was growing up, I would see mothers pull their children's hair, slap their faces, and pull their ears in public! I can't imagine what they did in private. My heart always hurt for these children. We always spanked our children in private, usually their bedrooms, and never abused them in the way these mothers did. You never want to humiliate your children in front of others.

Use your own judgement as to what is effective. I have found that two licks on the small child and five to ten on older children are sufficient. As the child gets older, the licks must become more forceful if the experience is going to be effective in gaining heart compliance. Remember, a spanking is made effective not by its severity, but by its certainty. Spankings don't have to be as hard when they are consistently applied. Your calm dignity will set the stage to make it more effective.*

I asked the women in the chat room if they were spanked when they were growing up and if they were, did it work. The women who responded said the spankings did work great and kept them from being disobedient, except for those who said their parents spanked in anger. When parents spank in anger, the children know that they are not being spanked for their good and to teach them to obey, but for their parents to vent.

Mr. Pearl doesn't believe a hand should be used and the Bible calls for a rod. He also believes it needs to be on the bare bottom with the child bent over your knees or a bed to be effective. {Some states only allow a hand to be used so be sure to check your state laws. Mr. Pearl mourns the fact that one day any type of spanking will  probably be against the law.}

A wise parent is going to patiently instruct the child for his own good. The rod must be accompanied by reproof in order to give wisdom. The rod and reproof give wisdom {Proverbs 29:15}. Make sure you always explain to your child what they did wrong with "concern and compassion...not condemnation and threat."*

Pearl ends the chapter with this sentence: A parent who does not show up to read a book, tell a story, or look at the child's latest creation should not show up to administer a spanking.* Spankings only work if the child feels deeply loved by the parent and knows that the parent is doing this for his good and not to give vent to anger.

He who withholds his rod hates his son, 
But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.
Proverbs 13:24

*Quotes from the book.