Sunday, July 15, 2012

Is He Really That Bad?


Ask yourself if your husband is really that bad.  So many of us go through life thinking our husbands are not good husbands.  Ken now says that he knew during those 23 years of a difficult marriage to me that he couldn't be wrong all the time.  We argued frequently because I wanted to be right and get my way.

My dad said to me the other day that all those years that he and mom didn't get along well, he would wonder to himself if he was really all that bad.  He felt my mom was always upset with him.  I think a lot of men must ask themselves that same question.  A lot of us are good at making our husbands feel like they are not good men.

Our expectations are too high ~

We marry thinking that they should make our lives happy,
instead of thinking how we can make their lives happy. 

We expect them to say the right things at the right times and read our minds. 

We expect them to understand our moods and be sensitive and kind to us always. 

We expect them to say wonderful things to us even when
we are doing nothing to deserve it. 

We expect them to talk to us and share their deepest feelings.

Go into marriage with no expectations on him but a lot on yourself.  Expect to love him just the way that he is and only try and change yourself.  Find out what makes him happy and start doing those things.  Only think and say positive and uplifting things about him.   Refuse to be angry and upset with him but kind and forgiving instead.

Most husbands are not bad men.  Most show their love by working hard and providing for their families.  They want to come home to a home full of love and peace, a sanctuary from the storms of life.  Be that sanctuary for him.  Realize he is not that bad.  In fact, I bet he is a pretty great guy!

For where envying and strife {arguing and quarreling} is, there is confusion and every evil work.  But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated {always helpful}, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.
James 3:16,17

Alphabe-Thursday
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Posted by Always Learning at 4:00 PM
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Debbie's avatar - Go to profile

Debbie · 662 weeks ago

You know that is really true. I have been trying to come to gripes with this in the last year.
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Katherine · 662 weeks ago

No, he isn't really all that bad. Been married for 33 years and have seen alot of what I'd never want to see... including many and various addictions... but is he really that bad? No, I know he could be alot worse. It all depends on what I focus on. God is good so I will focus on Him.
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Cynthia Swenson · 662 weeks ago

This is good advice Lori! I would add that we tend to idolize relationships & when we are disappointed by expectations, we should seek the Lord and ask Him to help us put Him first above all. Then we can grow in the spiritual strength we need to be ABLE to love those that are difficult. The Bible says there is no one good, not one, Not even ME without the Spirit of God guiding me! It's the Holy Spirit that fills us with the love we need for others! All Glory to God alone! Love & prayers, in Jesus, Cynthia
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Cheryl · 662 weeks ago

I so agree most husbands really aren't that bad. So many women seem to think it is up to their husband to make them happy and fill all of their wants. That makes the husband seem bad all of the time. We need to turn to God. I am so thankful for my husband! I thank God that I realized from the start of our marriage that it was not up to him to fill all of my needs, only God could do that.
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Angel · 662 weeks ago

Marriage is like living the Christian life. It's learning how to die to self. It's putting another person first and learning to serve them, not expecting them to serve us. I love your advice: "Go into marriage with no expectations on him but a lot on yourself."

Good stuff!
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edenhills 46p · 662 weeks ago

Sounds like wonderful advice to both husbands and wives.
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Judie · 662 weeks ago

Lori, one should never expect someone else to provide the happiness in our lives. That is our responsibility, and ours alone. Many decades ago, women were taught that they should do whatever they could to keep their husbands happy. Men could pretty much do whatever they wanted, and the wives were expected to just go along with it. Divorce frequently occurs when our expectations are not met. This is wrongway thinking, I believe. The way to insure that when your children grow up and marry, their marriages succeed and are strong, is to stress to them the importance of cherishing one's spouse, and doing unto them as you would have them do unto you. The Golden Rule is not just for casual acquaintances. Both husbands and wives should learn that lesson, and not forget it.

I believe very strongly in pre-marital counselling, so when couples do marry, they start out on the same page.

Men are not mind-readers, nor should we expect them to be. If they know up front just what is expected in a marriage, their relationship with their spouses will go much better.
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ERDR'swifemomof12 · 662 weeks ago

You are so wise. These words are so true. They need to be repeated over and over and over. Scream them from the rooftops. Wives of today and tomorrow need to know this and learn to live it out. Feminism has driven this way of loving our men far from reality for most marriages, even Christian ones. Women are more selfish than ever. WHAT UTTER, PROFOUND FREEDOM a wife experiences when she learns to live and love this way. What man would walk away from that kind of love. Thank you for your witness, Lori.
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debra · 662 weeks ago

Very thoughtful article! :)
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Rocky Mountain Woman · 662 weeks ago

My husband wasn't a saint, but he was a wonderful man. I miss him everyday...
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anita · 662 weeks ago

You always have such great posts. I love your optimism. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my hubby...he makes me crazy at times, but I'm sure I make him plenty crazy too. Thankfully we both have a sense of humor and we both know we've got a good thing going on.
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No Excuses · 662 weeks ago

What a wonderfu post. This is exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you so much! Stopping by from Jenny Matlock's!
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Jenny Matlock's avatar

Jenny Matlock · 660 weeks ago

I have a great husband. I love him. Sometimes he is annoying. But I know that I, also, am annoying to him sometimes.

For us, it's about respect in our marriage...and tolerance.

I like this series you're sharing. It feels so relevant to the times today!

Thank you for linking.

A+

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