A question was asked on another blog what a husband should do if the wife only gives him sex once a month. I commented that he needs to pray for an older woman to teach his wife how to love her husband or for the Holy Spirit to convict her that she needs to give her husband a lot more sex.
Another woman responded to my comment, "As a woman, I get my back up if someone tells me that I am obligated to have sex with my husband. Excuse me? What about my rights and my happiness?"
Most people do not like being told what to do. This is why most people don't want to believe in God. They don't want anyone to tell them what to do. They want to do things their way.
If you are a Christian, you need to have a teachable spirit and be willing to be told what to do. The Bible is full of instructions on how we are to live our lives. The young women I mentor have teachable spirits, thus their marriages and lives dramatically improve as they start obeying God.
Just because these women, and there are many of them, don't want to be told they need to be having a lot of sex with their husbands and if they don't, they're sinning, doesn't mean we should stop speaking truth. The Bible is very clear about the husbands' and wives' duty to each other so I am going to be clear also. God commands us NOT to deprive our husbands of sex. It isn't based upon our feelings but upon obeying God.
This woman only cared about her own rights and happiness. This along with having 'hurt feelings' which women tend to get easily, all boils down to selfishness...Thinking only about yourself. She will never find happiness as long as she is selfish and until she lays down her rights and her goals of happiness and starts serving her husband and making him happy.
God's ways are so opposite of our own feelings or what we want but when obeyed, they are the true source of joy. So always keep a teachable spirit open to God's ways because they are so good.
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence {sex}: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife has not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband has not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one another...
I Corinthians 7:3-5
Logging you in...
anonymous · 664 weeks ago
i've been struggling with this issue alot. I have been moved by your advice to satisfy my husband alot more in this area, even if i feel tired and not in the mood. However, since my pregnancy, it has been much harder. the doctor warned us that sex could cause spotting and i shouldn't be scared by it. but it did. and then the last two times were excrutiatingly painful. I've been feeling guilty for not giving sex to my husband, but i don't know what to do. any advice?
Lori Alexander 122p · 664 weeks ago
Mrs. Ramsey · 663 weeks ago
Also, talk with your husband about it, and be open with him! Lori is right--there are plenty of ways to make your husband happy without intercourse. I know from experience! If your husband understands WHY you don't want to have sex, but that you do want him to be satisfied, I'm sure he will be understanding.
anonymous · 663 weeks ago
Sex is such a hard subject in my church, I feel talking about it (with married couples) is a sin or forbidden. I've even tried talking about it with other married woman and they look at me like I'm an imprudent naive fool for daring to bring up the subject. I found that it was easier to talk about it with the married woman of my work, which was kind of sad that I couldn't with my sisters in Christ.
As simple as your advice was it hadn't crossed my mind. Those other ways to satisfy my husband are also considered tabu in my church.
I am grateful I am able to openly talk about the subject with my husband and he is very understanding. He actually feels bad that I've been feeling bad for this issue and constantly reminds me he is not asking me anything and is very happy.
I told him what you adviced me and he was very happy I'd receive such an advice from a godly woman who understand sex is not a stigma inside marriage, but a God-given beautiful thing.
I disagree with the ladies here saying sex is for the satisfaction of both. It isn't always so for woman, and if we only wait for the times when it is we will be doing exactly what your opening paragraph says: sex once a month.
I'm sad that more woman are not convicted in caring for their husbands. How easy it is to blame the man when there is a divorce or adultery, but was the woman doing her duty? Refusing to see it your duty is like the women who refuse to groom and take care of their figure and their looks because they no longer matter after marriage and let go of themselves; or like the women who refuse to show interest, awe, respect, and admiration for her husband. How is his cup going to be fill if this is what he NEEDS!
And when adultery and divorce comes, it is only the men's fault, when he has been living with his cup empty for years.
Thanks for the space to see the place of sex in marriage and for the other replies I had. It's good to know you're not alone too!
Blessings!
livinginblurredlines 0p · 651 weeks ago
Oh, but I respectfully disagree. I am a woman who would love to make love with my husband nearly every day! Sex is for the satisfaction of both spouses, but yes, many women aren't as raring to go as their men and we have seasons where we cannot have intercourse, or get little physical pleasure out of it. Regardless, sex within marriage is about giving, too, and it is a blessing to give when it is a sacrifice of our selfishness to give. This goes for both spouses. Husbands should take the time and effort to study their wives and bring her pleasure and climax.
Me : ) · 663 weeks ago
Ken · 663 weeks ago
The promise to love goes beyond the marriage contract and is an even more powerful reason to please your spouse, but if the marriage contract and love cannot deliver sex then hopefully God's Word will produce a healthy sex life for believing couples.
This is not a one sided issue, and men need to be understanding with their timing and perhaps frequency, but if a wife will see sex not as some romantic notion but a true need for most men, they can easy satisfy them in a creative and timely manner and in return gain the blessings of their man and God.
Finding common ground should be the goal with both spouses seeking to please the other, but recognize that for most men, sex is as big a perceived need as anything else that can be done in the relationship together. For most men, sex to create intimacy is as inextricably linked as a woman’s perceived need for intimacy to want or enjoy sex.
Gently Led · 663 weeks ago
Like Ken says -- it is a NEED for men, and what a (relatively) easy need to satisfy! It is such an important way to show our husbands love. I think a lot of women don't understand/appreciate what sex means to men, and even look down on them for it. But we're called to serve each other.
BreathingGrace 6p · 663 weeks ago
My husband was really into sex when we first got together but his desire dropped off a few years ago and it seems like I want it even more. It's really frustrating, especially when most marital advice seems to assume the opposite problem.
Ken · 663 weeks ago
Direct, yet loving communications can unlock things, and if not try trading for sex... It works for men sometimes... find out if something he feels he needs from you is missing in your relationship and trade it for regular and intimate sex. Making it a game to please each other can unlock a relationship and deeper intimacy, so work on this important area without making it too serious an issue.
Like women, men can have a variety of reasons for not wanting sex, including a fear of being unattractive or unable to get aroused, or low T or other health issues. Sometimes it’s fraud with porn that leads to defrauding a wife. Sex is a big brain/eye connection so couples who struggle with one spouse wanting more frequency than another should explore if there are ways to spice up their sex lives, or talk through the interferences together and see if they can work through them on their own, or seek help.
Tommie · 663 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 663 weeks ago
Jaimie · 663 weeks ago
This is something I've been learning. I have found that when I refuse my husband, for whatever reason (justified or otherwise), it is almost always very frustrating for him. When HE refuses ME for whatever reason (justified or otherwise) it is very frustrating for me. It is almost always BEST when we comply with the other's need and request and have sex when they need and want it!
God knows that. He knows that when we love our spouse the way we want to be loved, things go really well. I think that's why he gave these instructions via Paul!! For both the husband and wife to be satisfied and feel loved, they should have sex whenever they (both) want to, and not deny each other (often).
ayearinskirts 66p · 663 weeks ago
Guest · 663 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 663 weeks ago
TheAlabasterJar 12p · 663 weeks ago
misti · 663 weeks ago
i will say that when your husband is a TRUE man of the Lord it isn't difficult at all to lie with him whenever the time arises!
Cheryl · 663 weeks ago
Rachel · 663 weeks ago
Am I super aroused every single time? Nope. But I'd say about 75% of the time I get to "get off" too. And the other 25% isn't exactly torture =)
What do I get in return? A man who does not watch porn or look at pictures of naked girls, a man who goes above and beyond to make sure that I don't have any reason to doubt him, to the point that he has been known to take his sister with him if was going to be in a possibly compromising position in order to avoid temptation, and a man that tells me I'm beautiful every single day. And the sex is fun too =D
And, keep in mind, we aren't the poster children for a happy Christian marriage. We're those weird looking people with tattoos and piercings and unnatural hair color. We've both committed adultery, looked at porn, and done some really bad things in the past. But Yeshua is able and willing to forgive if you only ask, turn from the error of your ways, and attempt to make things right as best you can. I attribute all my current happiness (and I am a very happy person) to the forgiveness of Christ, a very active sex life, and learning and obeying what the Bible says about marriage and what I should do as a wife.
Even if you have committed sexual sin, you do not have to live in bondage to that for the rest of your life. There is hope.
oysterbed7 0p · 663 weeks ago
livinginblurredlines 0p · 651 weeks ago
Lisa · 663 weeks ago
Becca · 659 weeks ago