I shock couples when I tell them it’s better to go to bed angry than force a make-up before bedtime. When tensions arise in a relationship, her hormones encourage her to talk more, but his hormones are designed for fight or flight -- not a good combination when both of them are already tired. It’s better to let things cool off and tell your partner you want to talk about it later, even if that means in the morning.
John Gray, Ph.D., author of the Mars/Venus series
This is the advice being given to couples today. If a man's hormones are designed for fight or flight {which I think it a very crucial thing for women to understand}, my advice would be to stop arguing with him and fighting with him. He doesn't want you to be his competitor. He wants you to be his wife. His companion.
Instead of learning conflict resolution, how about obeying these verses from Scripture ~
And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome
but kind to everyone,
able to teach,
patiently enduring evil.
but kind to everyone,
able to teach,
patiently enduring evil.
II Timothy 2:24
Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.
Proverbs 10:12
It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife,
but every fool will be quarreling.
but every fool will be quarreling.
Proverbs 20:3
So instead of listening to the teachers of this day and age, listen to the advice from God Himself, the author of wisdom. Don't go to bed angry. Don't quarrel and argue. Be at peace with your husband. This is a much better way to live.
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PJB · 660 weeks ago
Dealing with conflict well (without being quarrelsome) and learning to manage one's own emotionality, frustration and anger (without sin) are very important skills for men and women who intend to have largely peaceable marriages.
In the right circumstances, I do think that it is wise to talk through issues as a couple when both are well-rested, rather than forcing an issue through the fog of genuine fatigue. Sometimes a night's rest can make an important difference in perspective.
Debbie · 660 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 660 weeks ago
PJB · 660 weeks ago
But the Bible clearly teaches the imperfection of the world, including the fact that our relationships are not ideal, that our conduct is not perfect, that the conduct of other people is also imperfect, and that we have no reason to expect our marriages to attain to that level.
Therefore, we should build up our skills for not making things worse when, due to imperfect conduct -- conflict arises in marriage... because it will. Conflict avoidance isn't healthy. Pretending to have no differences isn't healthy. Neither of those ideas are healthier for a Christian marriage than a reasonable, respectful approach to contentious issues and challenging feelings.