"All couples are going to fight but it's the way you fight in determining if you're going to be successful in moving forward of not...Most of us are not equipped to fight fair," Pastor Craig Groeschel stated on Focus on the Family. He shared that his first big argument after being married was over pancakes. They both wanted them cooked a different way. The argument went on and on. However, did he mention the fact that God commands wives to be submissive to their husbands. NO! This argument would have never happened if his wife had been mentored by an older woman to love and obey her husband; even please him and defer to his wishes! She would have GLADLY made pancakes just the way he wanted them and there would have been NO argument. This is such an easy and simple solution! No, couples should NOT fight. There is not one verse in the Bible agreeing with his statement about learning to "fight fair." Couples, instead, need to be taught to NOT fight, wives to be submissive to their husbands and husband to be godly leaders of their homes.
Pastor Groeschel believes marriages are to make us holy and not happy. My mother-in-law gave me the advice that I was suppose to make Ken happy, NOT holy. In fact, the more I tried to make Ken holy, the more unhappy he became and the more I have tried to make him happy, the more holy he has become! I wasn't to be his Holy Spirit but instead called to live a godly and chaste life that would draw him closer to me; not nag and try to control him which pushed him farther away. I wish I had known what making him happy and submission looked like when we first got married!
The Pastor did have many great things to say. He was rebellious when he was young until the Lord got a hold of his life. He urged parents to teach purity to their children at a young age. Don't do married things before you are married! NO compromise before marriage. He admits that there needs to be boundaries and safeguards in marriages to prevent destruction. He has programs on his iPhone, iPad, and computer to be held accountable. {Accountable2You is a very good and inexpensive program.} He can't download apps now because of the programs but this is a very small price to pay to eliminate temptation and walk in holiness. He believes marriages need to be very open with their spouses about their struggles and hold each other accountable which we heartily agree with! He also warned us that many of the things we see on TV are "poison." Amen!
The host asked why the church looks like the world? I believe the reason is that we are entertained by what the world is entertained by. We aren't in the Word daily and renewing our mind with God's Truth. We shouldn't be teaching couples how to fight fairly but to not fight at all and allow husbands to be the leaders of the home. We should dress modestly outwards and inwardly with a meek and quiet spirit. If Christians would rise up and walk in holiness by God's grace, the world would see that being a Christian is a whole lot better than living without Jesus.
Let NOTHING be done through strife or vainglory;
but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.
Philippians 2:3
***Emphasis mine! If you don't believe in biblical submission, then hopefully, you will believe and live out this verse towards your precious husband.
The host asked why the church looks like the world? I believe the reason is that we are entertained by what the world is entertained by. We aren't in the Word daily and renewing our mind with God's Truth. We shouldn't be teaching couples how to fight fairly but to not fight at all and allow husbands to be the leaders of the home. We should dress modestly outwards and inwardly with a meek and quiet spirit. If Christians would rise up and walk in holiness by God's grace, the world would see that being a Christian is a whole lot better than living without Jesus.
Let NOTHING be done through strife or vainglory;
but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.
Philippians 2:3
***Emphasis mine! If you don't believe in biblical submission, then hopefully, you will believe and live out this verse towards your precious husband.
Logging you in...
Raquel · 511 weeks ago
zbexrel · 511 weeks ago
When there was a time in which it would have been imprudent to have children, we abstained; lived as brother and sister, until such time as my health issues cleared up. Men have done this for centuries and to imply that they cannot control themselves is very demeaning to all the men who have unselfishly and nobly controlled themselves for the sake of others throughout the centuries (yes, there were those who were unfaithful, but generally this was because they did not correspond to the graces which God made available to them, or outright rejected them).
zbexrel · 511 weeks ago
I plunged into depression, my health rapidly went downhill, and my husband became more and more angry with me. Finally I sought counseling for severe depression, where I learned that I needed to take care of myself first, and that sometimes others needed to sacrifice for me, too. That, in fact, to not ever allow my husband to do a little sacrificing for me was robbing him of a chance to practice virtue. It was also setting a bad example to my children, that their mother was a doormat who could easily be dismissed. They would not honor a mother who was a doormat and my sons would grow up learning that they could treat a woman with indifference.
While a majority of your readers and I believe you yourself would say that this advice was feminist, it turned out to be the saving of me, my marriage and my homeschooling. The children had learned that Mom could be ignored because obviously Dad could scold her and she'd hang her head meekly and do whatever he said without a peep; so they did that. They ignored me. My oldest son, in fact, began to imitate Dad when Dad would yell and scold me. It was a REAL problem.
Shelah · 511 weeks ago
Rob · 511 weeks ago
Lori, let me give this example and we can use pancakes:
Husband wants them cooked a certain way, wife says ok and cooks them that way with a smile but inside she is saying and feeling what a jerk and maybe she will
be harbouring some resentment which may come out at a later time in another situation
So being grounded in the Word daily helps for times when you deny yourself for your husband and genuinely want to please him through actions and thoughts.
Just my thought anyway.
This is such a great article because i think we have all had the pancake situation at one time or another!!!!
Anon · 511 weeks ago
Anonymous · 511 weeks ago
Lady Virtue · 511 weeks ago
I've heard people talk about "fighting fair" before but cannot find any Scriptural backing for it. It seems more psychological than Biblical.
Nicole · 511 weeks ago
Nicole · 511 weeks ago