The Bible says to "Hate what is evil; cling to what is good" Romans 12:9. So what do you think is the best way to teach your children to hate evil??? Spank them! Yep, I am on that topic again...
I am reading a great book by Anne Ortlund and I think she has given a great reason to spank your children. I am going to quote her because I think it is so good ~
Sin and pain must early be linked together in their minds. During the two's and following, if "no no" is deliberately ignored, a short, quick spanking comes. {Is there anything else as immediate and as eloquent?} When they knowingly, willfully sin, then there must be pain - your pain, of course, but theirs, too. Punishing is the deliberate infliction of hurt.
Of course we're not talking about child abuse. Still, it's crucially important that children grow up convinced that sin and hurt go together. That's how they learn to fear and hate sin!
But when they submit? Reward them lavishly; commend them, make over them! When children learn that good and pleasure go together, that's how they learn to go after the good....They're beginning to learn that the righteous life is the good life!
Ken was traveling one time and was talking to a man from Singapore. He was caught with drugs and had to spend many years in prison doing extremely hard, physical labor. There is little crime in Singapore. You can walk the streets at night feeling safe.
America has become soft on criminals. We don't punish bad behavior much anymore. If all parents would teach children to hate what is evil and cling to what is good, imagine what a better society this would be...Wait, it was that way when I was young...
Logging you in...
Christie Cottage · 709 weeks ago
Cannie · 709 weeks ago
Gen · 709 weeks ago
tzdelar 4p · 709 weeks ago
Kathy · 709 weeks ago
Lily-Rose Cottage · 709 weeks ago
It is true that chastisement and punishment for wrong-doing should entail some type of pain.
Simply ignoring defiant behaviour is a greater crime .. it allows the soul of a child to grow hardened to God's entreaties to repent of their sin.
It is up to christian parents to train their children to obey God's word and to keep a soft heart which turns away from disobedience.
Personally, I don't think the rod should be the automatic choice of discipline for every small offense - in fact it should be the last to be used in my mind.
Loving correction through reasoning and appealing to the child's sensitive nature should be first.
Yes there is a place for spanking..and afterwards ..reconciliation, compassion and mercy.
Praise be to Jesus..Who stood in our place and bore our punishment out of love for us sinners - young and old!
The chastisement of our peace was upon Him..
Blessings..Trish
Amy · 709 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 709 weeks ago
Macha · 709 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 709 weeks ago
Macha · 709 weeks ago
Here are a few sources:
Children who are spanked have lower IQs, new research finds - http://www.physorg.com/news173077612.html
Spanking Can Make Children More Aggressive Later: Study - http://www.physorg.com/news190321386.html
The Long-Term Effects of Spanking - http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,...
I also want to share that I grew up in a household that used spanking and other forms of corporal punishment. I would say that nothing my parents did would be considered by any legal authority to be "abuse," but nonetheless I suffer from the negative effects. I am indecisive, and at once both aggressive and terrified of conflict. It has taken years for me to recognize what made me this way, and it was especially helpful that I married a man who is a mental health professional with a degree in psychology. I am absolutely certain that my parents love me and that they wanted me to be happy and safe from harm, but I'm also certain that the way they chose to accomplish that has caused me a great deal of harm.
I also know of some great resources for gentle discipline that I'll probably share in another comment ...
Macha · 709 weeks ago
Gentle Discipline Resources: http://astore.amazon.com/peacefparent-20?_encodin...
"Gentle Christian Mothers" - http://gentlechristianmothers.com/topics/gentledi...
Alternatives to Time-Out - http://thedadjam.com/toddler/toddler-discipline-a...
Ten Ways We Misunderstand Children - http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/misunderstan...
Having Good Judgment - http://realchilddevelopment.com/parenting/do-you-...
Peaceful Parenting - http://www.drmomma.org/
Tombs/Mitth · 709 weeks ago
That being said, after a child finishes with his/her 'testing' phase, I rarely see maladaptive behaviors. We use a technique called extinction. The idea here is that human beings are socially motivated creatures. When someone engages in a socially undesirable behavior they attract a lot of attention. This attention provides motivation, completely independent from the initial cause of the behavior (unless the behavior is attention-seeking), to repeat said behavior. By not giving attention (by extinguishing this behavior) no additional motivation is awarded. A social story (a single page written scenario not specifically accusing anyone of anything, while providing a more appropriate method for dealing with a situation) or a video model (same idea, only turned into a 30 to 90 second video scene) can then be made and read/shown to the 'offending' child. That's a lot to absorb, especially without a frame of reference with which to apply it, so I offer the following example.
You have just told your child that they need to clean their room. The only response to receive is to be yelled at for being a horrible person, and 'ruining [his/her] life.' The most likely internal motivation this child is perceiving is (and please don't assume I think children think in these terms), "If I can start an argument with Mom/Dad then I can delay cleaning. I really don't like to clean, so I'll distract Mom/Dad from the job they've given me for a while to put off, or possibly completely get out of, cleaning my room." By ignoring/extinguishing they're attempt at deflection, and following through with extinction procedure, the child learns that arguing with the person assigning the job gets them no where, and is, in fact, just a waste of their time and energy. Sometime in the next couple days write a social story that reads something like this: "I love my Mom and Dad. Sometimes they need my help to keep our house clean. I can help by doing the chores that Mom and Dad ask me to do. If I do my chores, then Mom and Dad will be happy, and I'll get to spend more time having fun with them." After that, follow-through with extinction procedure and with prompt, motivating rewards for good behaviors.
Daniel · 709 weeks ago
- If they get ready for bed in time, they get a story, and if they don't, they don't.
- If they fight over a toy, the toy goes away for a while.
- If they touch something they're not supposed to, as the parent, I may need to change the environment so they can't.
All logical consequences.
Spanking (actually, hitting) a child is a terrible consequence. It doesn't make sense. It's a completely unrelated, external punishment, so it does nothing to encourage children to reflect on and modify their behaviour -- after all, if they're willing to endure the spanking, they can do the action again. More worryingly, it teaches that violence is an acceptable response to unwanted behaviour, and that it's okay for people who love you to hurt you.
I've raised two boys without spanking. They are able to consider the consequences of their actions because I've used logical consequences. It's harder to do than just whacking them, but then good parenting takes effort. As far as I'm concerned, resorting to violence is damaging to the parent/child relationship at worst, and uncreative lazy parenting at best.
fred · 709 weeks ago
Are you sure that is a lesson you would like your children to learn?
Will you be surprised when they inflict this lesson on others?
Are you ready to accept 'might makes right' against your own person, by those that have learned this lesson, especially your own children when they are mightier than you?
stefanie · 709 weeks ago
Jesus bore our punishment... ours as adults and our childrens' too. Shouldn't we be people of mercy and grace?
When did Jesus punish the people he met? He didn't.
There are many ways to teach a child what we want them to do without spanking for what we DON'T want them to do.
Lacie · 709 weeks ago
President Hinckley has told us, as a prophet of God, not to act this way towards our children, and I think it is important for us all to follow the mouthpiece of our Heavenly Father.
In his April 2000 General Conference address, he said, "I hope that as fathers and mothers we will strive more fully to rear our children ‘in the nurture and admonition of the Lord,’ (Eph. 6:4), treating them with respect and love, giving encouragement at every opportunity and subduing our critical remarks.”
Ken · 709 weeks ago
Don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Don't drink wine as you might become an alcoholic and don't eat as you might become a glutton. Don't spank because you might abuse it? Moderation my dear friends... and leave some room for good parents to raise good kids in a traditional and well proven approach using modest pain to keep little hands out of sockets, and little feet from running into the street. Pain is an ideal method to train a three year old who cannot rationalize most situations but can learn and obey the word "no" with little or no hesitation.
Raise your kids without spankings if you like, but don't try to stop those who use modest spankings to train our children as we are getting great results with zero damage to their pysche and well being.
Macha · 709 weeks ago
Jen · 709 weeks ago
I never became violent myself, but I believed it was just fine for people to mistreat me if I wasn't perfect. I married not just one, but two different violent men. Their parents raised them with punishment/reward. The most violent ex-husband was very rarely punished, because he figured out early on how to get the rewards. Not WHY he should be kind to others - just that doing what others wanted served him the best.
I lived in fear of displeasing God, parents, husband, everyone, until I believed the only peaceful option was my own death.
I had a conversation with my own dad a few weeks ago. He rarely spanked me, but I always knew he would if I wasn't "good". By all accounts, my parents were very loving people towards me. BUT, there was always fear of doing something wrong in the home.He teared up and apologized for using so much fear in his parenting - he thought he was doing what he was supposed to be doing. He would do it different now.
I'm not angry at my parents. They did the best they could, and I am still effected by the way they raised me. I'm still fighting to overcome all of the fear, guilt, and shame they thought I needed to have in order to be a good person.
Ken · 709 weeks ago
Ken · 709 weeks ago
Ken · 709 weeks ago
The finding of a study conducted by psychology professor Marjorie Gunnoe at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan. FoxNews.com reports on the story, writing, “According to the research, children spanked up to the age of 6 were likely as teenagers to perform better at school and were more likely to carry out volunteer work and to want to go to college than their peers who had never been physically disciplined.”
Modern psychology is fundementally predisoped to any type of real discipline. Let's get down to real life and ask the teachers of this world if they believe that spankings are sorely lacking in today's child rearing. It's the teachers and all well behaved kids who suffer the consequences of parents who refuse to discipline their children. How many times do you say "no" to a four year old and keep giving in to their strong will before you have a teenager who is ruining the classrooms and learning experience for hundreds of kids each day. I think we can both agree that disciplining your children is vital to raising a child properly.
Ken · 709 weeks ago
The finding of a study conducted by psychology professor Marjorie Gunnoe at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan. FoxNews.com reports on the story, writing, “According to the research, children spanked up to the age of 6 were likely as teenagers to perform better at school and were more likely to carry out volunteer work and to want to go to college than their peers who had never been physically disciplined.”
Modern psychology is fundamentally predisposed against any type of real discipline. Let's get down to real life and ask the teachers of this world if they believe that spankings are sorely lacking in today's child rearing. It's the teachers and all well behaved kids who suffer the consequences of parents who refuse to discipline their children. How many times do you say "no" to a four year old and keep giving in to their strong will before you have a teenager who is ruining the classrooms and learning experience for hundreds of kids each day. I think we can both agree that disciplining your children is vital to raising a child properly.
Brooke · 708 weeks ago