Tuesday, July 17, 2012

No Longer In Love


Whoever thought the time would come when you are no longer in love with the person that you said "I do" to? What happened to "'til death do us part?" The cuddling on the sofa while watching your favorite sitcom together? How did it just disappear into thin air?
{Shanae Hall, Huffington Post}

I will tell you what happened, you forgot that love is a commitment and not a feeling.  You forgot to think about his wonderful qualities and dwell on them instead of all his negative qualities.  You forgot to make it your goal in life to please him and make him happy.  You stopped laughing at his jokes and started rolling your eyes instead. 

When the children came along, they became much more important to you than him.  He wasn't the knight in shining armor that you thought he would be.  He didn't live up to your expectations and he knew it.  Instead of sharing your opinions once, you argued with him and wanted your way.

Now I can't say this happens in all marriages that fall apart, but I can bet you it is the way it happens in most of them.  If a woman isn't taught how to love her husband, it doesn't come naturally, because we are all so selfish.  We want what we want and when we want.  It isn't natural to put another's needs before our own.  It isn't natural to serve and please others.  It isn't natural to put up with all their bad habits and love them as they get old and wrinkled.

These are God's ways and His ways work.  They are what bring true joy and happiness.   Forgetting about ourselves and giving ourselves away to others is what makes a happy marriage.  Tell me of a woman who truly seeks to make her husband happy whose husband then left her.  It may happen but it seldom does.  Why would a man want to leave a wife who makes him king of his home and strives to make him happy?  Most men would die for that.

Keep your commitment to love him until death do you part.  There is something very special about growing old with one person.  Don't seek for your own happiness.  Seek for his happiness and in the process, you will be happy.

Owe no one anything, except to love each other,
for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.
Romans 13:8

Comments (22)

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You are so right on with this post. thanks for sharing~
I agree, there is something very special about growing old with one person. That is the treasure you get when you stick it out for better or worse, etc. This is a great post!
thanks for the reminder! Are you doing better?
1 reply · active 662 weeks ago
Still struggling but I had written a ton of posts before I injured myself so I will keep publishing them. I know God is in control and He will lead me through this time. So thankful for all the prayers.
SO good... yes remember HE was the one you chose first. (or her) The children will grow stronger knowing as a couple mom and dad are in love and strong too. great words.
Yes, to all of this! Thankfully, after my marriage fell apart, God rebuilt it again. Oh, that every woman would read this and be encouraged to love instead of fight!

Megan @ wwwsunshinethroughthewindows.blogspot.com
It really is so simple and yet we lose sight of these truths. Thanks so much for the insightful reminder, Lori. Great post!
Oh so true...i was never shown how ...i never had a good example ...and it took my own marriage to fall apart to build somthing new...Thank you God for rebuilding me and my marriage. I pray more women would realize what their role is and how God values us as women. Change begins with yourself.
This is so beautiful and so true. I have a Blog Hop, and I would love it if you would link this post. You can find it at http://www.adornedfromabove.com/2012/07/surf-spra...
It is called Wednesdays Adorned From Above Blog Hop.
I hope to see you there. Have a great Day.
Debi Bolocofsky
Adorned From Above www.adornedfromabove.com
When you are not brought up this way it is hard. My husband are on are way to learning about each other now.
You know, I heard a very wonderful sermon about making love a verb. He said, Do you love your husband? and the lady said well no, and he said not the noun, the feeling, but the verb. Do you love your husband? Love is a verb! Too many people forget this.

Make love a verb! This is the phrase I remind myself.
Excellent!
Great post. Thank you for sharing! I really needed to hear this, not just today but everyday!
You summed this up beautifully. Too often in today's society when that "feeling" goes away people assume the marriage is over. Marriage is so much more than a feeling. It is a committment.
Thank you for your direct insights - after 10 years of marriage, I have found that love is a choice, not a feeling. I appreciate this so much!
Hi! Stopping by from the monday mingle blog hop and am now your newest follower:) Hope you can come check out Crazy Mama Drama ! http://crazy-mama-drama.blogspot.com/ http://www.facebook.com/pages/Crazy-Mama-Drama/25...
Found you on Mommy Mingle - I'm visiting from jugglingactmama.blogspot.com. I hope you'll come visit me, too :)
Ouch! This post hit home - thank you for posting it! Sometimes we all need a kick in the pants!
Desperately trying's avatar

Desperately trying · 660 weeks ago

What if you weren't in love when you got married? How do I get there when we act like roommates and not husband and wife? He is a wonderful man and father but only 4 years in and its not a relationship. I'm afraid it never was... just rushed into it. Divorce is never an option but I don't want to just get through the years; I want to share our life not just a house and kids.
This is beautiful. Thank you for reminding everyone to appreciate what they have. Everyone talks about consumerism and how we need to learn to appreciate what we have instead of buying new it can also be applied to family life. Many people have the five year plan in their marriages. If it gets tough lets quit. Marriage is a "lifetime" commitment not a five-year plan. Thank you again.
The most common source of problems in relationships is that the couple misinterpreted their mutual feelings of attraction as love. This normally results in the couple trying to keep up appearances after about 5 years and wondering where the love went.

It is important to know that attraction is an emotional feeling that may fade, while love is a promise that has nothing to do with attraction. Love is a promise to do 4 things.

1. To accept everything that you know and do not know about her now.
2. To accept her regardless of what happens in the unknown future as you both age - for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness or health for as long as you both shall live. Even if she is disfigured by an accident or crippled by illness, you promise to accept her.
3. To forgive her later. Since neither of you is perfect, you both depend on each others' forgiveness.
4. To encourage her to improve. This 4th one gives purpose to your relationship - otherwise it will get boring.

If you are both ready to make and keep these promises to each-other, then you are ready to love. When you keep them, you demonstrate your love for each-other. After you formally make your promises at your wedding, you complete or consummate these promises with sexual intercourse. Every time that you subsequently have sexual intercourse, you reinforce your promises – it is truly a wonderful and mutually satisfying experience.

If you have sexual intercourse before making your promises, then you show her that you are capable of justifying forsaking her for a younger, shapelier rival when she gets older. If you are able to restrain yourself when your attraction for her is at its highest, then you show her that you are capable of resisting the rival that will inevitably come.

The problem is that none of the parties got to the love stage. They simply rode the wave of emotional attraction until it was exhausted. Fortunately, the marriages can be improved almost immediately if the parties chose to love.

Source: Attraction is a feeling. Love is a Promise. by Grenville Phillips, president of Walbrent College. (LoveIsAPromise.wordpress.com)

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