Monday, July 28, 2014

Addiction To Sexual Self-Pleasure

Several women got into an interesting conversation about healthy and unhealthy sexual practices on my post She Wished She Knew Her Parents Had Sex. The joyfilledwife finally added her thoughts and I thought they were worth sharing with all of you ~

Each and every sin in our life will impact our marriages in a negative way. Selfishness and sin can easily defile a marriage bed if we don't approach sex in marriage in a Biblical, selfless way. Because her daughter {a woman's daughter who commented on the post} has an addiction {masturbation}, and particularly a sexually sinful one where she is taking her desires into her own hands, yes, ChristyH is right about her future husband not being able to compete with that. 

We will always know what "buttons to push" on ourselves better than our spouses do, and indulging in masturbation not only will create dissatisfaction sexually with our spouse and their ability to please us, but it cheats them out of their role in meeting our sexual needs and desires. This is why communication is so important in the marriage bed. We need to communicate and teach our spouses what we like best when they seek to pleasure us. Sexual desires were never meant to be fulfilled by self-indulgence. God created sex for the couple to enjoy engaging in, to procreate, and to display a godly oneness. It is an act of loving service to each other. Christ and the church operate as one -- they don't separate themselves because it's more pleasurable to do things their own way. 

Addiction to self-pleasure {whether masturbation, pornography, or others things} steal away from the marriage bed, create dissatisfaction with sex as God intended it to be, and is idolatry, plain and simple. If a husband and wife were spending 75% of their day having sex, I would suggest that they have made an idol out of this one aspect of their marriage. Something can even be a good thing at it's core but, if pursued obsessively, made an unbalanced priority, or approached selfishly, it will take a turn for the worst and quickly become sinful. 

I know there are people on both sides of the fence on this issue {use of sexual toys}, but I don't happen to believe that using inanimate objects during sex creates or contributes to unity and oneness. Anytime we find sexual gratification from something that is capable of meeting our desires separate from our spouse, I think we are in dangerous territory. If our only objective in the marriage bed is to achieve orgasm and we are focused on that objective, we are missing the purpose of intimacy. If it takes a vibrator, or a porn movie, or any other sex toy in order for us to be sexually fulfilled, then we have misplaced our desires. You see, your spouse doesn't have to be physically present for a vibrator, dildo, or any other object or movie to "satisfy" you sexually and that, by it's very nature, detracts from a holy union. It is our spouse's selfless giving of their body and self that is solely meant to fulfill us intimately. 

To become addicted to being satisfied by anything that is not our spouse is not God's plan for sexual oneness. We need to check the state of our heart if pleasure during sex is not possible for us unless something apart from our spouse is needed in order to feel satisfied. God is faithful and more than capable of healing and mending this area of marriage! If a holy union is not our objective in the marriage bed and we have allowed self-pleasure and selfishness to defile it, we need to confess our sins to our Lord and ask that He create in us a clean heart, purify our minds, and help us to become more like Christ. Then and only then will we be living out our marriages in the way God created us to from the beginning. How I pray that each and every one of us, dear sisters, with have the humility and courage to seek that end. 

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled.
Hebrews 13:4