Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Should Young Wives with No Children be Keepers At Home?


The directive in Scripture given to older women to teach young women to be keepers at home doesn't say that we should teach this to only mothers but to "young women." I read about young wives who work a lot. They come home exhausted and unable to fully take care of their husbands and home as they would like. What about them? Should they be expected to be keepers at home?

If you believe the Bible and take it literally, YES, they should be keepers at home. Their main ministry should be in the home. If they don't have enough time to go shopping for nourishing food, fix healthy meals, keep their homes clean, and be there for their husbands sexually, they are working too much!

Most women only have so much energy. To be expected to work full time and keep the home fires as well as her husband's fire burning is usually asking too much from a woman. Christian women who have not been thoroughly tainted by feminism still want to be home and take care of it. They want to keep it clean, tidy, and organized. They want to be the one cooking meals for their husbands and having time to be intimate with them.

If they can find a job that allows them to still have their heart at home, they should do that. Time is too short and valuable to give it all to a job and a boss rather than her home and her husband. Once she adds children to the mix, I firmly believe, as you all well know, that she needs to be home full-time with her children to accomplish everything the Lord wants her to accomplish on top of her home and husband duties; training, disciplining, and teaching her children.

Oh, but we could never afford to do that. How do you know? How about stepping out in faith and allowing the Lord to supply your need as you follow His commands. Taste and see that the Lord is good!

In closing, I will give you a quote given by Amelia Barr, a famous author from the late 1800s and early 1900s ~

The one unanswerable excuse for woman's entrance into active public life of any kind, is need, and alas! need is growing daily, as marriage becomes continually rarer, and more women are left adrift in the world without helpers and protectors. But this is a subject too large to enter on here, though in the beginning it sprung from discontented women, preferring the work and duties of men to their own work and duties. Have they found the battle of life any more ennobling in masculine professions, than in their old feminine household ways? Is work done in the world for strangers, any less tiresome and monotonous than work done in the house for father and mother, husband and children? If they answer truly, they will reply "the home duties were the easiest, the safest, and the happiest." 

The aged women...teach the young women... 
to love their husbands, to love their children,
...to be keepers at home.
Titus 2:3-5

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Comments (28)

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Lady Virtue's avatar

Lady Virtue · 556 weeks ago

Another excellent post on a subject rarely taught (young women without children yet being keepers at home and prioritizing this above the paying workforce). It is a woman's reasonable service unto the Lord to submit to her husband and keep her home.

How I wish a resource like your website had been around, say, 20 to 25 years ago. Keep up the Lord's work, Lori, and God bless you and your family!
1 reply · active 556 weeks ago
I did work until the birth of our first child. I didn't find it difficult to do both. Raising children is much more work. We still lived on one income and throwing that one income against the mortgage allowed me to stay home after with our children. I loved my job, but never saw it as a career. Mothering was my career.
1 reply · active 556 weeks ago
Somehow I think most women would be bored. But the issue is that it's not even particularly acceptable, which stinks. What if a couple never has children? Most people would balk and call her lazy if she didn't work. Now that my children are all going to be in school since my youngest is starting K, people have constantly asked me for the past year what I'm going to do. The expectation is that once the kids are in school I have no business staying home anymore. As it turns out I do have some part time jobs (I teach fitness classes, a childbirth class, and do some data entry) so I am plenty busy in that way. I think a full time job would be too much to manage right now. My sister in law is still at home and the kids are 9 and 10. I call her "clutch" because she ends up watching so many kids of single moms after school when there is that lag between school and pick up. She's on so many emergency cards to pick up sick kids if mom is at work and can't get there in time. Whenever there is a school break she's got an extra kid or two or three. She volunteers at the school all the time. And she has time to workout so she's 41 and looks great.
1 reply · active 556 weeks ago
I especially wish this had been around about 15 years ago, when I was in high school, and decided to become a teacher, simply because I felt I had to choose a career! I felt it wasn't good enough to work part time. I became a teacher, and while I loved it, it was so much harder than I realized. Wedding planning, and the first few years of our marriage, were very stressful. I wish I hadn't listened to what society said I should do, and listened to my heart, and just worked part time until having children. In the culture I grew up in, it was only "losers" and people with no direction who didn't go to college and work full time- saying that you wanted to be a stay at home mom eventually just wasn't an option. I am blessed to be a stay at home mom now, but I'm just barely learning things that I wish I had learned years ago! I feel so behind. Thank you for this encouragement Lori.
2 replies · active 556 weeks ago
Thank you! I have no children but believe that I should follow the word of God. It's incredible the way I'm treated, however. Friends, even Christians have made the assumption that I have nothing to do all day and there is nothing meaningful in my work as a wife and homemaker without children. But, those same people don't cook 3 meals from scratch a day so it's not odd to me that they don't understand the amount of effort and work that goes into homemaking. When I did work for a period of time, my husband hated it because we ended up eating out a lot. I have no idea how a woman with children would find the time to work out of the home - I suppose I just don't have as much energy. But I'm glad that God's word instructs me to do what I love - even if the rest of the world doesn't think much of it. I love being a wife and homemaker!! It's a dream job for me :-)
1 reply · active 556 weeks ago
When we were first married, before children, we lived in a 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment. We had a total of four rooms. Housework was very minimal, no yard work, we did laundry once a week and our grocery shopping on Saturday mornings. I think if I had not worked I would have sat around reading novels and watching soaps. I believe I was of much more use to my husband and our marriage by working during those years. Most importantly, my husband expected me to work and he had every right to do so.

Our oldest daughter (single, no kids) lives at home and works as a social worker with CPS. Daily she works hands-on with neglected and abused children to secure a safe place for them to live. The size of the need for this is shocking. My daughter loves children and is a great cook, someday she will be a super wife & mother. Right now she is truly doing the good work God place before her and what He has called and prepared her to do. Staying home and helping me dust would be a huge waste of her gifts.
2 replies · active 556 weeks ago
What a great post Lori. I am just so thankful that you are there for us as Christian women who want to be in the home for their husbands. My children are now grown and live in different states to find jobs. We are very active in our church and have entertained many widows. I can't believe how many people have begged me to make them homemade entrees of my meals and will pay me. I would love to do that for a small price to recoup my initial charge but am wondering if I am not encouraging them to not cook for themselves? I am confused about what to do. My husband is very supportive in this and could help me as he is retired. What do you think?
1 reply · active 556 weeks ago
Great post. I was never very domestic when first married (I hadn't been taught well by my mom in managing a household). Fortunately, I always had jobs that I never worked full time regularly. Usually the most hours I worked was 32. If I could go back and do it all again, I would never have worked more than 20 hours a week before kids. But there were so many things for marriage (and life, really) that my parents didn't prepare me for. Praise God, He never left me. Perhaps He knew my own stubbornness and that I would need some real life lessons to figure it out.
1 reply · active 556 weeks ago
I agree with you Lori. I worked part time at an elementary school after I was married, and quit when I got pregnant because I was so sick. I had only been working 2-3 hours a day, so it was a good compromise. We never wanted to have to rely on me bringing in money, because we knew that our long term plans were not going to include that, and we didn't want to fall into a trap and get stuck there. I loved my time of just being a homemaker while I was pregnant, even though I had no baby to take care of I had a lot to do. I was also able to help out friends sometimes by babysitting their kids.
1 reply · active 556 weeks ago
Jessica PA's avatar

Jessica PA · 556 weeks ago

I was always a stay at home mom until I was lured into the workforce by promises of being able to bring my homeschooler with me to work. We ended up having to put her in a private Christian school which was never our plan. The money was a huge help, but my working created a lot of struggles for our family and lots of regret and guilt on my part. After 4 years of working, I am coming home to stay with her for good in a few short weeks! I earned 50% of our income, so we are making MAJOR sacrifices and cutting all things that aren't absolutely needed. Even though my daughter is a teenager, I feel she needs me more than ever to prepare her to be a Godly future helpmeet. She is very happy that I will be home with her and has even been helping to come up with ideas where we can cut back. She helps me make homemade laundry and cleaning products to use and loves shopping at thrift stores for her clothing. She is so kind and selfless. For that I am very thankful. It is because of your blog, Lori, that my husband and I have made this decision....THANK YOU!
1 reply · active 556 weeks ago
Phyllis Mueller's avatar

Phyllis Mueller · 556 weeks ago

I never went to college until I was almost 30. I worked while"waiting" for my husband. Well, he never showed up and I had to figure out how to support myself. I don't know why it turned out that way, but I still try to keep a Godly "apartment" but I wish I was a housewife!
Good post! Each situation is unique, but to follow the Bible closely, I totally agree with you! I've been married almost 11yrs (no children, yet anyway). For the first 4 years I worked full time at a demanding job, an hour away from our house. My husband approached me saying that he no longer seen joy in me and that I was becoming not myself, the stress was getting to me. He encouraged me to resign and that no matter what, God would provide. Our decision was something totally scary for us, but no matter how lean our bank account became... God always provided! My husband was right and not only did our faith grow but so did our marriage. Me staying at home was one of the best prayerful decisions we've made in our marriage, no regrets!

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