What should our attitude be in submitting to our husbands? Should we practice joyful submission even when we fully disagree with our husbands? Yes! I firmly believe that we need to learn to joyfully submit to our husbands whether we agree with them or not since God is the one who made the husband the leader of the home and when we submit to our husbands, we are submitting to the Lord. If he leads us in the wrong direction, he will have to answer to the Lord for this, not us. Do not be afraid! God never gives commands that we are not able to obey.
Jack Graham is a preacher my daughter, Cassi, loves. She will send me some of his daily devotionals to me if she thinks I will enjoy them. Here are some quotes from a recent one she sent me that I just loved!
There's a difference between true obedience and stubborn obedience. And in marriage, there's a difference between heartfelt submission to God's design and rebellious submission...a rebelliously obedient wife may think, "I'll submit to my husband's leadership, but I'm going to always second-guess him."
Rebellious obedience is the same as disobedience. So obey God's design for marriage with a joyful heart. When you have that kind of attitude, you'll experience a deeper joy as you align your heart with God's will for you! Experience true joy in your marriage through heartfelt obedience to God's design.
God calls children to obey their parents. We, as their parents, are responsible to train our children to obey us. We want them to obey us immediately and with a good attitude. If they grudgingly obeyed us, we would deal with them and tell them that it is unacceptable behavior.
In the same way, wives are commanded to obey their husbands. God's commands are not burdensome. We need to obey our husbands immediately and with a good attitude understanding that this command is really coming from the mouth of God. Unless there is obedience all the time, there is no obedience. So, if you choose when to obey your husband, you are not obeying him at all. You are simply doing your own will, and sometimes it happens to coincide with his wishes {Elizabeth Rice Handford}.
Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory;
but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves.
Philippians 2:3
When we esteem our husbands better than ourselves, we make it much easier to respect, honor, and obey them. God has not called us to strife but to peace. Be at peace with your husband, stop arguing with him about his decisions, and train yourself to joyfully submit, for this pleases the Lord.
Logging you in...
Cynthia · 556 weeks ago
"If he leads us in the wrong direction, he will have to answer to the Lord for this, not us."
I sort of understanding what you are saying here, but it can come across as a passive-aggressive attitude. It sounds like the rest of your post is warning against that, but if a wife is thinking, "well, I disagree, but I'll let God deal with him", that really doesn't sound like she's fully supportive.
You are right that God does not command us to do the impossible. Is it possible to truly joyfully submit to someone's decision when we are convinced that they are wrong? Or does it end up meaning that someone fakes a smile, goes along with the decision, but either prays for God to do something else or waits for God to do something to their husband? In this scenario, does a husband feel truly secure that he has his wife's support 100%?
We were with some friends last weekend, and they were joking that I was so easy-going that they never heard me say no to my husband. On a day to day level, I respect him greatly and really try to be open to things that he suggests. The difference, though, is that we both know and expect that I will say "no" if I feel strongly about an issue. Because I can say no, he can trust that when I say yes, I mean it. In our marriage, once a decision is made, it is no longer his idea or my idea - it is OUR decision, and will both take full responsibility for it. I would never say, "well, it was his decision, I just went along with it", or figure that God would put him in his place, because it would be my decision too.
Lori Alexander 122p · 556 weeks ago
Gen. 3:16...and he shall rule over thee.
I Cor. 11:3...the head of the woman is the man
Eph. 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Eph. 5:24...so let the wives be {subject} to their own husbands in every thing.
Eph. 5:33..Let the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Col. 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands..
I Tim. 2:11,12..I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man
Titus 3:4,5 teach young women...to be obedient to their own husbands
I Peter 3:1...be in subjection to your own husbands...
I Peter 3:5,6 ...being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord.
I don't see one verse in here, Cynthia, that says a wife can usurp her husband's authority and say 'no' to him. Can you please give me some verses to support your argument? Thank you.
Katie · 556 weeks ago
I just want to say how much I appreciate this blog. With just about every post I've read, I have felt convicted to do better. This post does that too - as a young wife, I regre that I have been feeling rather proud of myself for obeying my husband. Yet there is many times where the smile on my face doesn't match the stubbornness in my heart. You are helping me realize so many things.... I need to have a joyful attitude in my heart or it isn't true obedience. I have always had a strong personality, so marraige has been a time for deep spiritual improvement. I hope this will all get easier as I get older. I struggle with knowing wether or not it is a sin to feel that immediate stubborn will. I know I I don't obey correctly, it is a sin. Sometimes, I just don't know If my actual immediate feelings are sin. I pray so often for guidance. I love my husband so much. He has always been a bit more reserved and very relaxed. I wish he would be a little more assertive with his leadership in our home. I wonder if there is a way to encourage him besides prayer? Sorry to be rambling.... I consider you a role model for the wife I want to be and thank you for all you do!
Brad · 556 weeks ago
I think there is a difference between feeling something and allowing those feelings to dictate our responses. You may very well disagree with your husband about a decision he is making or in a way that requires your obedience, and that may very well spark emotions in you that are would be contrary to seeing you obey or go along with that decision; however, those feelings represent temptations and are, therefore, not sin. Temptations themselves are not sin.
The battleground for a man is mostly visual/sexual by nature. Men are inundated daily with visual temptations, but they are just temptations. Each man must choose to either give into that temptation and turn the RECOGNITION of a beautiful woman into a lustful thought or take that thought captive and push it aside by focusing on God's word and his wife (if he has one).
Similarly - a woman's natural battleground is emotion/control. The emotions you feel are temptations. You must not be ruled by them. As with any battle you must recognize the temptation (emotion) and take it captive by renewing you mind with God's word. It becomes a sin when you allow the emotion to remain and dictate your stubborn obedience. We are to be controlled by the spirit (Rom. 8:9, Gal. 5:16). God is more concerned with our hearts motivation for behavior rather than the actual behavior (1 Sam. 16:7).
Please don't be held down by guilt for HAVING EMOTIONS. Be grateful to God for the Spirit that lives within you that allows you to sense and feel these emotions and allows you access to His wisdom to know how to filter those emotions and not be controlled by them. When your emotions collide with God's will and design for marriage then you can rest assured that those emotions need to submit to God's will and design and not subvert God's will and design to meet your emotional needs.
Emotions are not evil…our hearts are evil, and are inclined to use our emotions to our own selfish desires. Recognize temptation and the consequences giving into will bring and then turn and embrace God's will through renewing your mind through His word. Our emotions will lie to us…God's word never will.
It's a difficult battle to be sure, but we have victory through Christ.
Blessings,
Brad
Brad · 556 weeks ago
Cynthia Swenson · 556 weeks ago
Cindy B · 556 weeks ago
Cindy B
Brit · 556 weeks ago
thejoyfilledwife · 556 weeks ago
I was changing the baby's diaper and I heard my husband call me from the other room and ask me to do something. I responded, "Hold on, sweetie. I'm changing the baby's diaper." Right then, our other little one walks over to me and says, "Mommy...when Daddy tells you to do something, you need to do it right away."
My husband had a little talk with our child about the fact that it wasn't their place to tell mommy what to do. Nonetheless, it made me realize how closely they watch my response to my husband. We teach our children first time immediate obedience and it was obvious to our child that I was not in compliance with that. Even though the relationship between a husband and wife is not the same as parent and child, our kids know that Daddy has the authority in our home and noticed instantly that I didn't follow his request right away.
veronicasthoughts 15p · 556 weeks ago
Thanks for this post, Lori. I agree that "obeying" with a heavy heart is the same as not obeying at all. I see this being played out with our children. One obeys immediately with a smile on her face, the other grumbles his way through our order/command. Guess who gets scolded? :)
Tracy · 556 weeks ago
Great post
God bless
Tracy