Robin has been reading my blog for awhile. Her life isn't easy, however, she is doing everything in her power along with God's power working mightily within her to raise her children in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord and be a godly, submissive help meet to her husband. She commented a few days after Eating Out And Taking Vacations was posted. Her words were wise words and I wanted to share them with all of you ~
If I may weigh in here: I am a full-time wife and mother now, but I spent over twenty years taking care of other people's children in my home and theirs. I share Lori's Christian world view and also her exegesis of the scriptures pertaining to wives and especially mothers, working outside of the home for pay without their children present {You cannot convince me that Mrs. Proverbs 31 hired a sitter so she could sell pretty fabric.}
I can say with all honesty that not a single child that I cared for over those twenty years PREFERRED to be with me. They ALL wailed, cried, lay on the floor, pouted and moped in the morning when their mommies left. They ALL cried too much during the day - especially the infants. They ALL misbehaved right before their mother or father came home - having a sort of emotional crisis, if you will, at the time of transition from my care to that of their parents.
If I could say one thing to working mothers {who are working by choice, and not force}, it would be this: count the cost. Know that your Nanny is NOT going to tell you that your child cried for five out of eight hours, screaming, "Mommy! I want Mommy!" because she knows it will break your heart in half. Your children want YOU. Not the Nanny. They want YOU. You are teaching them that anyone can do your job. You are the only Mama God gave them. You're missing their lives. Find a way - any way - to put your career on hold and GO HOME to your children. Please.
Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.
Isaiah 49:15
Logging you in...
Emily · 557 weeks ago
Lady Virtue · 557 weeks ago
Christine · 557 weeks ago
I would love to send this to a few mothers who work for the prestige.
The sentence that got me was, "I can say with all honesty that not a single child that I cared for over those twenty years PREFERRED to be with me.".
Rachel · 557 weeks ago
Also, I can't understand why the government pays Childcare for a woman to leave her children to look for and work at a job. Why can't the government just give that to them to raise their own babies. Provide accountability, yes, but don't force them to hand their babies over to government funded day cares so they can go make hamburgers.
hiswife522 43p · 557 weeks ago
When I was in HS and college, I worked at an after school program at our local church. Because these kids were older, they were able to communicate with words more efficiently than the younger children. Many of them were often telling me how much more they'd rather be at home with their mom. (Ironically, two little boys who were the most unruly were the ones who said this loudest). I sometimes subbed in the younger programs when a need arose. But I always hated the morning shift, having to pry kids off their parents and then lie to the parents that it was harder on them than on the child.
All my life I'd been told I was the one with the most potential of my siblings, and I had better live up to it and get a good job and blah blah. It was this time working in an afterschool program that solidified my hearts desire to be wife and mom. Sadly, no one in my family supported this.
And now that I think about it, I remember so many people (even within the church!!) saying to me "well, now that you've worked at the day care, you don't want to have kids, right?" I always responded of course not, I just knew that *I* wanted to raise them, not someone else. I firmly believe that this was the best center in the town and outlying areas and yet I would never send my kids there.
So, yes, I can concur that children want you!! Don't believe the lies.
Tammi · 557 weeks ago
ChristyH · 557 weeks ago
Let's just say that my extended family has zero respect for being a stay at home wife and mom.
Cheryl · 557 weeks ago
Tiffany · 557 weeks ago
Jennifer Collins · 557 weeks ago
Joy · 557 weeks ago
veronicasthoughts 15p · 557 weeks ago
Allow me Lori, to quote something from a post I did in Feb about A WORKING WOMAN'S DILEMMA -- WHAT SHOULD I CHOOSE: HOME OR CAREER? http://peacefulwifephilippines.blogspot.com/2014/...
"I was deceived. I believed in the Lie that:
"A CAREER OUTSIDE OF THE HOME IS MORE VALUABLE AND FULFILLING THAN BEING A WIFE AND MOTHER."
This was one of the lies that Nancy Leigh De Moss in her book, "Lies Women Believe and The Truth That Sets Them Free" pointed out. (Dong bought me this book early in our marriage as a gift.)
Allow me to share with you her convicting insights on this particular and "powerful" lie which many modern women blindly believe:
Half a century ago, a handful of determined women set out to achieve a philosophical and cultural revolution. Convinced that women needed to throw off the shackles of male oppression, they wrote books, published articles, taught college courses, marched in the streets, lobbied Congress, and in myriad ways succeeded in capturing the minds and hearts of millions of women.
They redefined what it means to be a woman and tossed out widely held views of a woman's priorities and mission in life. Concepts such as virtue, chastity, discretion, domesticity, submission and modesty were largely eliminated from the vocabulary, and replaced with choice, divorce, infidelity and unisex lifestyles. The daughters and granddaughters of that generation have never known any other way of thinking.
One of the most devastating objectives and effects of this "new" view of womanhood has been to demean marriage and motherhood and to move women -- both physically and emotionally -- out of their homes and into the workforce.
Statistics indicate that the gender gap has narrowed dramatically in matters of hiring practices, pay scales, and educational opportunities -- results that activists have worked long and hard to achieve.
But what about the unintended consequences of this newfound freedom? Whoever expected we would have to live with such things as...
pressure placed on women by their peers to "do more" than be "just a wife and mother";
the status of a "homemaker" being devalued to something less than that of a serf;
millions of children coming home from school to empty houses or being relegated to after-school child care programs; (or in the case of the Philippines, being left to be "brought up" by live-in yayas or nannies);
mothers giving their best energy and time to persons other than their husbands and children, leaving those women perpetually exhausted and edgy;
families that seldom sit down and have a meal together;
emotional and physical affairs being fanned by married women spending more quaity time with men at work that they do with their own husbands;
women who don't have time or energy to cultivate a close relationship with their children and who end up permanently estranged from their grown children;
inadequately supervised children becoming exposed to and lured into pornography, alcohol, drugs, sex and violence. "
Charlotte · 557 weeks ago
While I think it's important for mothers to be home, I don't think it's so important that a father should lose all his time with his children. A woman could sacrifice 20 hours a week with her children so that their father can be with them some of the time as well.
Katherine Meier · 557 weeks ago
I was there when he took his first steps and when he cut his first teeth. I fed him breakfast and lunch and played with him and made sure he had his naps. I knew, after witnessing this for over a year, that was not something I would ever want for my children.
After my first baby was born, there was no way I could return to my receptionist/office job and my husband never once has complained, even though at one time he was working 3 jobs to support our little family as we had our first 3 children within the first 4 years of marriage. I think it forced him to work harder and wiser and now he has attained a position he might not have otherwise.
I still have to stand strong against the flood of negativity that comes against mothers who "don't work"... haha... that one always makes me laugh out loud! :)
I love your reply to another comment above, "God wants mothers to be home with their children. It is so sad that so many women don't believe this."
RTD · 557 weeks ago
Will nannies or babysitters "train up" our children in "the way they should go"? Absolutely not. In fact, I'd imagine that a number of nannies, babysitters, and daycare providers do not discipline or train the way that a mother would discipline or train because of fear of law suits.
I made the mistake of working for the first four years of my firstborn son's life, and the first two years of my second son's life. My husband wanted me to work, and everyone around me expected me to work, although I always desired to be home raising my children. Thankfully, I never had to send my children to daycare because my mother-in-law watched them while I was working.
This was both a blessing and a curse. It put a large strain on our relationship. My husband and I had virtually no say in what she did with them, because since we weren't paying her, we knew that we couldn't instruct her on what to do. Most of the time my children spent at her house was spent in front of the television set. Yes, she loves them more than any nanny ever could. Yes, I preferred for her rather than a non-relative to watch my sons. But oh, how I wish I could take back those years and make up for lost time! She did not train them. She did not discipline them. The time spent in front of a screen was most likely detrimental to their health, and it was in direct opposition to the parenting philosophy I hold.
NOBODY will care for your children the way that you do, mothers. Not even another family member. It is your God-given responsibility to train them up in the way that they should go, and in our lawsuit-happy culture, nobody else will have the guts to do it.
Heidi · 557 weeks ago
Something I noticed as an eighteen year old looking after those little babies - not one of us working there ever got the same smile that mom or dad got when they walked through the door to collect their baby.
Jenifer · 557 weeks ago
SecondInCommand · 557 weeks ago
Never did have the heart to tell her actual mother.
Sue B. · 557 weeks ago
What I experienced that I haven’t seen mentioned, is the high turnover rate at corporate daycare centers. When I first started using daycare we chose a KinderCare center located about half-way between home & my job. The shiny brochures and the cute building really sold us on it. It cost more than half of my take-home. Employee turnover was so high that from one day to the next I did not know who would be watching my daughter. I lost count of how many times we heard “Miss So&So will be your new teacher.” So again & again & again I had to leave my daughter with a total stranger. Made her anxious & made me anxious. But what are you going to do at 7:45 a.m.? After about 6 months we changed to a church-based daycare center closer to my work with less turnover.
Katie · 557 weeks ago
rogmisbailey 14p · 557 weeks ago
Tania · 554 weeks ago
wendy · 525 weeks ago
Lauren · 483 weeks ago