Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Not Holding It Over His Head

There are many responses you can give to a husband who is involved in pornography.  You can give him ultimatums.  You can be angry and yell at him.  You can give him the silent treatment.  You may even divorce him.  However, I want to give you the response Melissa from A Heavenly Journey gives to her husband ~

I’m going to share a promise I made to my husband that totally turned a situation {relatively minor, but it was still hard and he really really struggled with it} completely around: “I will always forgive you, and I will never hold it over your head.”

Now before anyone goes telling me I’m a doormat and letting him just get away with everything let me explain. Whenever my husband’s issue came up it brought along crushing guilt and shame for him. If I wanted to help him, I needed to not contribute to it. So by making that promise I took a heavy burden off his shoulders and whaddya know, it became easier for him to deal with his issue. He felt enough shame and guilt. He didn’t need it from me too. Did I still get angry and feel hurt? Absolutely. I’m human. And he knows it. But I kept my promise.

Allow me to share one more thing. Something our pastor said during a sermon that really stuck with both of us. “Are you going to make decisions out of fear or faith?” He was talking about parenting but it applies to EVERYTHING. I get that you’re worried and afraid and I don’t blame you. But when it gets to the point that it’s consuming you like it is, it’s time to take a step back. God is bigger than all the fears. Are you going to let the fear drive you, or are you going to turn to faith?

Everything in our life boils down to faith.  Do we really trust God with our life and with others?  Do we trust Him to change others or do we feel the need to do it ourselves?  He commands that we forgive others 70 times seven times.  Does this even apply to our husbands?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And lean not unto your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
A He shall direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:5,6