Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Do You Need A Sex Manual To Have Good Sex?

Ken and I have been married almost 33 years.  Maybe I read a book on sex right after we got married. I can't remember it having any lasting impact on my sexual life.  I have skimmed some books written by Christian authors but my question is, do we really need one?  Did all the couples in the olden days have poor sex lives because they didn't have sex books or manuals?

I asked this question on my facebook page and Angela, one of my readers, wrote this ~

Lori's, it's funny you should ask.  There is indeed a book that has helped improve the sex in a marriage.  It's called the bible.  To be specific, 1st Corinthians 7:4.  It's as follows, Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me.  It is not good for a man to touch a woman...nevertheless because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband.  Let the husband render to his own wife the affection due her and likewise also the wife to her husband.  The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband.  And likewise the husband does not have power over his body but the wife does.  Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer:  and come together again so that Satan tempts you not because of your lack of self-control.

I have to agree with her.  I don't read sex books.  Ken and I have learned together what works and what doesn't work.  We try to please each other.  We don't deprive each other.  We don't use sex to manipulate the other one.  We are happy!

Angela gave great advice.  Sure, if you are having problems in the sex department, I think it is fine to seek out the advice of others but for me, books on sex never did much for me.  Once I really learned true biblical submission and how to please my husband, everything else just fell naturally into place.  This was the secret to me. 

When the Bible tells older women to teach young women to love their husbands, a large part of loving your husband is giving frequent sex.  I do teach this but I am not about to teach details.  I feel like this is something that can be easily learned by two people who love each other and want to please each other.  We are all so different and we all have personal preferences.  Time and experience is what gives a good sex life to couples.

Coconut oil is a great lubricant!  It kills bacteria and has no chemicals.  So I guess recommending this, not depriving your husband, and learning what pleases him are the only things I will recommend.  In conclusion, learning God's ways about biblical womanhood is what drastically changed my marriage in every way for the better.  How about you?