Tuesday, December 17, 2013

She's At Her Wits End

This young woman is having a difficult time in her marriage. 
 This is the email she wrote to me {the names have been changed} ~

Remember me...I'm the one who is going to school full time because my husband wants me to, and so is he.  George {my husband} REFUSES to help me AT ALL with Susie {my daughter} at night.. All he does is he will bring her to me when she first wakes up, but I am always the one to feed her, burp her, get her back to sleep. I'm the one up at 11, 1, 3, and 5 every single night. I'm also the one putting her down for bed every night. He's put her to bed a total of three times her entire life.  

I've tried asking him nicely that I need him to help me with Susie at night and he said he would. We even talked to our marriage counselor about him helping more and he agreed he needs to help me out.....however, when the rubber meets the road time and time again I'm taking care of her all by myself and he sleeps the entire night through every night. I've even tried just leaving her to cry in bed with Jon, and I went to the living room couch to sleep but all he did was grumble and plop her on me on the couch. I'm so sick of his selfishness and laziness and the lack of him doing his part.......what am I to do? Not to mention he never does the laundry or cooking, and I do 90% of the cleaning.  If I keep doing what I'm doing without him helping me I'm going to become bitter/resentful towards him. I'm already very angry with him as I'm sure you can tell. 

My biggest problem is that if I just keep my mouth shut and he keeps being lazy and selfish, I am becoming angry and resentful towards him. I don't LIKE him and I don't want to be around him.   What am I suppose to do?

The world would counsel her to give him ultimatums.  Do anything to get him to help you even if you have to use manipulation techniques, right?  God tells her to love him, obey him, please him, serve him, submit to him, and learn to be his help meet. Completely opposite of what the world would tell her to do.

Most men aren't homemakers.  They aren't built to do housework and help with babies.  It is definitely much more of a woman's role.  Sure, it is great if your husband does help, but if he doesn't, it is okay.  Don't ruin your marriage over it.  We are called to be living sacrifices so live your life as a servant, serving others.

Another thing I encouraged her to do was to get her baby to sleep through the night as soon as possible.  Let her cry herself to sleep and learn to go back to sleep by herself without having to be nursed or picked up.  We all need sleep desperately and I think this mother is exhausted getting up so many times a night.  She said within four days, her baby fell asleep within five minutes.

Lastly, she needed to stop thinking and saying negative things about him.  Dwell only on thoughts and words which build him up as the Bible commands.

This was the last email I received from her ~
 Thanks for the advice.  It is helping so far. Also, I've been praying more for my husband and giving him good sex and speaking to him more respectfully. It is nice to be nice to him, and I know God is pleased!

Teach the young women to love their husbands.  
Titus 2:3,4

***Update: Her baby now sleeps through night and her husband just told her he wants her to be home full-time taking care of the family!!!