Always Learning: Were You Absolutely Certain?

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Were You Absolutely Certain?

Were you absolutely certain you were marrying the right person on your wedding day? Were you madly in love with your soon-to-be spouse? I sure wasn't certain. I knew Ken had most of the qualities I wanted in a man. I wanted a man who loved Jesus. He worked hard. He was tall, dark, and handsome. He wanted children. Marrying him was a heart decision.

However, we argued a lot. The thing we argued about the most was food {I am terribly ashamed to admit.} He ate mostly junk food and I was a health nut. We actually argued about almost everything. I was always upset with him about something.

I don't think there was any man out there who I would have married that I would have been absolutely certain that he was the one for me. I was very critical. I expected a lot from Ken, instead of loving, serving, and pleasing him. I didn't accept him as he was at all. I did almost everything wrong in the marriage department.

I just asked Ryan, my son, if he was absolutely certain Erin was the right woman for him on the day he married her. He said, "Absolutely!" I asked him if he had any doubts. He said, "No."

Erin started off her marriage doing almost everything right. Ryan said she has never nagged him or told him what to do. She treats him like a wife and not like a mother. Alyssa, my daughter in the picture, started off right also. Of course they aren't perfect, but they do most things the right way. They love to please their husbands and make them happy. Their husbands easily accept their faults, because they love them so much. T

So, how about you? On your wedding day, did you have any doubts or misgivings? Were you madly in love with him?

Thankfully, Ken and I stuck it out until my eyes were opened to all the ways I was destroying our marriage before it was too late, because I now know that he is perfect for me. I think he thinks I am perfect for him, also. I married him with my head but my heart has finally followed!

May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
Proverbs 5:18

Comments (16)

Logging you in...

Dashboard | Edit profile | Logout

Logged in as

0 Vote up Vote down

Cami · 697 weeks ago

This post made me smile. I'm not married so I can't answer. But I'm glad Ken stuck around! :)

<3-Cami from <a href="http://www.firstdayofmylife.org/">First Day of My Life

0 Vote up Vote down

Holly · 697 weeks ago

I love this post! My Husband and I knew each other for only two weeks before we got married. And, he was not just getting me, but also my three month old (at the time) son too. I was very in love with him and he with me, but I never really believed in the "perfect" person theory. We are all human and have our imperfections. We have been married for three years and are very happy. No doubts or misgivings!

0 Vote up Vote down

Jenny · 697 weeks ago

{I am a new reader and follower of your encouraging blog.}

To answer your question, I didn't give it much thought. {I come from generations of divorce}. Thanks be to a loving and merciful Father who blessed me with an absolute saint of a man {I give much credit to his faithful and loving parents}. We just celebrated our 19th anniversary and really are more in love now than ever.

0 Vote up Vote down

Crystal · 697 weeks ago

No doubts here! God has shown us repeatedly that He put us together for His reasons. We got married in Door County on a boat. There were four foot waves when we woke up on our wedding day. By the time we boarded the boat, it was flat calm. I will never forget my Grandpa telling us to pray to God for forgiveness for living in sin prior to marriage. We've not only been forgiven, we have been blessed! Thank you, Jesus!

1 reply · active 697 weeks ago

0 Vote up Vote down

Alisa Wright · 697 weeks ago

Yes, precious Crystal, you have been blessed! Your family is a testimony to the power of God!-oxo

0 Vote up Vote down

Carrie · 697 weeks ago

Love it. :-)

I had a succession of three dreams back in 2004. I dreamed each time that the Lord said, "You will meet your husband by the end of August." I thought I was wack-a-doodle nuts! Will you believe that the man I married showed up on my porch on August 28, 2004? So I KNEW he was the right one. He must've been. He was NOT my "type", so he must've been God's type! ;-)

I did have a mini-breakdown about two weeks later, overwhelmed with "Oh my goodness, I'm married and I'll never not be married, woe is me," but I got over it within a couple of weeks. Being married is a much better place for me. My husband is a great provider, lover, and friend. <3 GOD IS GOOD!

+1 Vote up Vote down

Michelle · 697 weeks ago

I had a ton of doubts, we both did. I was just too afraid of disappointing everyone by calling off the wedding, so we got married. We have been married almost 4 years and it has been a HARD road. We have a wonderful daughter and thankfully things have been getting so much better. Part of it is because of this blog and the convictions that I've felt from reading it. I finally decided to stop being critical and wishing I had married the "perfect man" and started loving him for who he is. The changes in our marriage have been amazing. A miracle actually. I love him so much and for once in my life don't feel uncertain about my future. Thanks for this blog, and for always telling us what we need to hear :)

1 reply · active 697 weeks ago

+2 Vote up Vote down

Lori Alexander 122p · 697 weeks ago

Awww...thanks, Michelle. I had tears in my eyes reading your comment. God is a God of miracles and His ways are SO much better than our ways even when they don't make sense! Keep up the good work. You will be rewarded. God keeps His promises.

0 Vote up Vote down

Misty · 697 weeks ago

At the time, I had no doubts. But, I was pretty young and stupid. For several years afterward I thought I had made a mistake because we argued a lot too. I realized that it wasn't all him...its usually me. Every now and then, I'll catch myself saying something I shouldn't and feel guilty wondering how I could have done that. That's growth, though, because when I was younger I had my fists on my hips and I was right and he was wrong! Now, while we still sometimes disagree and I find myself frustrated, we don't fight anymore. Even in the frustration, I'll look at him and think 'Yeah.....this is not a mistake. I can't think of anyone else in the world I would choose to spend the rest of my life with.'

I think I wouldnt have ever had that problem if my parents had taught me better about how to be a good wife and what that means. My parents have been married for 42 years so they get it, but they, public schools, tv, and the feminist movement had me believing I was too good for any man. It took me a long time to figure out that I'm not.

Sounds like you've done a great job with your kids!!

0 Vote up Vote down

Nancy · 697 weeks ago

No, I wasn't certain. Hubby was though. The very night we met he saw me being compassionate to a man in a wheel chair. That night, he told his friends in college that I was the one he would marry. We were engaged 6 weeks later and married in a year. I was scared, but what I did see in him was a man of a holy nature who was fun and made me laugh. We've been married 23 wonderful years now and have three teenage children. Christ has been the foundation our marriage was built on from day one.

0 Vote up Vote down

Erin · 697 weeks ago

I had doubts that surfaced about 2 years into our marriage. I remember listening to Dr. Laura and someone called who could have been quoting exactly what was in my mind. I listened eagerly for Dr. Laura's answer. The part I remember is, "How long do you want to be married?" Ouch! The rest of the answer was just as shocking, but it woke me up to my wrong attitude. Since then I have studied the biblical wife's role and our marriage is amazing! We are about to celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary, have 5 beautiful children and he absolutely is the perfect man for me.

+1 Vote up Vote down

pippajo 23p · 697 weeks ago

When my husband and I were in couples counseling prior to our wedding (a requirement for our church), an issue arose when our pastor asked if we had any concerns about marriage. We were each a little anxious about the models the other had had for what a husband and wife should be like. Our pastor wound up telling us he thought we should call off the wedding, that the issue was too big and too important and at the very least we should postpone if not cancel! Then he told us to go and think about it for a while and come back with our answer.

We were stunned! But it didn't even take the 10-minute drive back to my parents' house for us to decide he was nuts! I'll never forget my husband clasping my hands and looking into my eyes and saying, "You are the one for me. No matter what." I was so relieved because I felt the same way.

We went back the following week, firm in our answer but hesitant to give it, wondering if we'd have to find a different pastor to marry us if ours wouldn't give his blessing. When my husband told him the wedding was on just as it ever was, our pastor smiled. He then told us he was hoping we'd say that, that it was all just a test to see how committed we were to each other and our marriage!

Now, I can't say I agreed then (or even ) now with those tactics, but it did prove a point. Thus, I had not a single shadow of a doubt on my wedding day. And I never have since. Sure, we've had our troubles, have hurt each other, been disappointed in each other and I do have regrets about things I've done as a wife. But I have never once wondered if I should have married my husband or if he is the man God had planned for me since the beginning of time. He is, second only to my salvation, the best thing that ever happened to me!

0 Vote up Vote down

Vivian · 697 weeks ago

This post made me think. After years of marriage and kids and all the stress that brings, you sometimes forget why you got married and how you felt back then. Personally it's helped me to hang on to that beautfiul memory of our times as "just us" along with some dates and trips without the kids.

0 Vote up Vote down

Kelly · 697 weeks ago

Great post! No, I can honestly answer that I was not certain. I had a been hurt really bad in a prior marriage and I was not keen on the whole idea of matrimony when he popped the question.

Hi, I am a new follower from the hop at Katherine's Corner, http://babyfeetandpuppybreath.blogspot.com/
Hope you can hop over, say hello and follow back, Thanks.

0 Vote up Vote down

Vanessa · 697 weeks ago

Such a great post Lori! I was very certain (and still am!) that I made the right choice but I still think that nothing can prepare you for what lies ahead in life and marriage. I thought he would be a great husband but you don't really know for sure until you are in it, right? I thought he would be a wonderful father but again, you don't really know until you know. LOL! Turns out, he is way beyond what I had hoped and dreamed for as a husband to me and father to our kiddos but when I think back to how young and naive we were I truly feel that it has been God's hand guiding and directing us as we have put Him at the center of our marriage. That is the ONLY way you can experience marriage to its fullest in my opinion! :-) We have had major challenges and grief but we have weathered it trusting in Him and loving each other in spite of ourselves. Thank you so much for sharing this truth with us at Inspiration Friday!
Vanessa

0 Vote up Vote down

Susan · 697 weeks ago

First time visitor topping by from the Picket Fence. Wonderful post! I was already certain "way back when," but through the years God has showed me just how very perfect we are for each other. We approach life differently sometimes, but our personalities complement each other beautifully. Good thing because I doubt anyone else could live with either of us! :-)

Post a new comment

Comment as a Guest, or login:

Share on Facebook

Connected as (Logout)

Email (optional)

Not displayed publicly.

Tweet this comment

Connected as (Logout)

Email (optional)

Not displayed publicly.

Submit Comment

Subscribe to

"Mark them which cause divisions and offenses contrary to the doctrine which you have learned and avoid them." {Romans 16:17} All comments WILL be moderated before being published. Thank you for your patience.

Comments by IntenseDebate

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)