Always Learning: Magnet For The Negatives

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Magnet For The Negatives

Don't let your mind be a magnet for the negatives. Carol Hopson

Recently I have witnessed something over and over again. There are a lot of women who are very angry with their husbands. If you get alone with them, they will go on and on about all the wrong things their husbands are doing ~

They are not involved enough with the children.

They don't help out in the home.

They watch too much television.

They don't talk to them nicely...

You get the point. They consistently criticize their husbands and have nothing but negative things to say about them.

I understand. I use to always be angry with Ken. He did so many things wrong. Until I renewed my mind with God's truth.

Being angry, critical, and negative is sin...period.

Carol Hopson told a story of a couple who went to a counselor. This couple was always arguing. The counselor told them to write down everything that bugs them about each other for thirty days and put the slips of paper in a box.

Thirty days later they returned with their boxes. The counselor had the husband read all that was in the wife's box ~

He threw his clothes on the ground.

He didn't help the children with homework.

He left the toilet seat up...etc.

It was the wife's turn to read the husband's slips of paper. On all thirty slips of paper, she read, "I love you."

He decided to love her instead of being critical and say anything negative about her.

So instead of thinking or saying critical things to or about your husband, start finding the good things about him. Put your mind on what needs to change in you to become a better wife. Start dwelling on the lovely, the pure, the good, and the holy. Start obeying God.

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Romans 12:2

Comments (20)

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Deborah · 699 weeks ago

I love this post and agree 100%.
Carol's story is priceless.
Hugs, Deborah

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Chris W. · 699 weeks ago

Sometimes when I start thinking about the negatives of my husband, I start comparing him. I know you're not supposed to compare husbands, but I do it where my husband is the better one. I know many men who have big flaws and I see my husband compared to them, and then I realize how awesome he really is!!

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brian miller · 699 weeks ago

mmm...powerful story of the couple..and so true...what we say is often what we see in others...and sometimes we need to look through other lenses...

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Lisa notes 103p · 699 weeks ago

I love that story. Oh, to be loving like that. I want to be more positive in all areas.

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janaecharlotte 15p · 699 weeks ago

She invested well with her 30 days of "i love you". I'll remember that, thank you.

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PJB · 699 weeks ago

I often need to remind myself that not all flaws are worth even noticing, much less talking about or getting critical. I live in a broken world with imperfect people who are just not going to live up to anything like an ideal. I try to give others as much 'slack' with as little thought as the 'slack' I give to myself -- especially my husband!

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PJB · 699 weeks ago

I had trouble posting... here is the rest of my comment, continued from above...

It's hard for me to separate imperfections that I simply notice from imperfections that I allow to become meaningful to me after I notice them.

So this is a very meaningful post to me.

On the other hand, I would like to see which Scriptures you feel lend support to the ideas that (a) being angry is a sin, (b) feeling critical is a sin, and (c) negativity about a person or situation is a sin. I'm having trouble identifying which passages might apply, and I'm pretty sure that at least some ways of being angry are definitely not sin. I'd like to look into this further.

6 replies · active 699 weeks ago

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Lori Alexander 122p · 699 weeks ago

For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. James 1:20

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. I Thessalonians 5:11

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Philippians 4:8

I could go ON and ON so this is just a start. Do a word search on crosswalk.com for all the Scripture references to anger. God wants us to be people of salt and light...loving others and being joyful!

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PJB · 699 weeks ago

I see that we have something of a higher calling than to live in a joyless negative frame of mind.

Do you interpret any incident in a person's life of not living up to Scriptural ideals and encouragements to be sinful? I tend to think of things like 'rejoice at all times' to be, well, not exactly a literal command regarding 100% of my time, nor an incrimination of anything other than pure joy. I hear those Scriptures as more of an encouragement than a requirement.

If we were to take Eph 4:29 that severely, it would seem to be a sin to ask someone to pass the milk (because it is not 'only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs'). Similarly, according to that type of reading of Phil 4:8 unless macaroni and cheese is considered 'praiseworthy', is it your assessment that it is sin to even think about it?

Am I making any sense?

I mean, I totally get your main point -- and agree! I'm just also trying to work out the nity grity details of where we draw the line of what is sin and what is an area where improvement is part of maturity, but immaturity (or lack of excellence) is not, in itself, sin.

Knowing what we should do, the ideals to strive for, is so important. I appreciate the encouragement of being called towards peace and joy, rather than negativity. But 'sin' is an important theological term... and I don't think it applies here.

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Lori Alexander 122p · 699 weeks ago

Sins are clearly spelled out in Scripture....Sexual immorality, impurity, and debauchery, idolatry and witchcraft, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, and envy, drunkenness, orgies and the like (Galatians 5:19-21)...Scripture is very clear what sin is...unsubmissive to husbands, dishonoring parents, etc. Sin has nothing to do with the way you ask for macaroni and cheese! The Gospel isn't complicated...Love Jesus and love others...

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PJB · 699 weeks ago

Then I'm really confused. I only wanted to know what Scriptures supported your statement, "Being angry, critical, and negative is sin...period."

I'm OK with the Gospel.

I'm also OK with working through a little anger, a few moments of critical-ness or occasional negativity without calling those things sins, if they are not clearly sins in the Bible.

I was only trying to explore your basis for your statement to see if I had missed anywhere that Scripture clearly spells out the sins you listed (a) anger, (b) critical-ness, or (c) negativity. I don't see those in any of the explicit sin lists. I'm pretty much thinking they are not sins. I was merely curious to see why you thought they were.

None the less, those things are certainly personal failings, and they are certainly common failings among Christians. Your advice about this topic is excellent.

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Ken · 699 weeks ago

Perhaps Lori used the word sin a bit loosely, but the literal definition of sin is "to miss the mark that God has established," like an archer misses the bulls eye. We all know that we do not perfectly live up to God's perfect will for our lives, and your point is well taken in that anger can done without sinning. I do not know how one displays critical-ness or negativity without "missing the mark."

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Ken · 699 weeks ago

Most of the verses that would show how one "misses the mark " in these important areas are said in the positive and not the negative. The scriptures are loaded with reciprocal or one to another commands and these commands carry as much weight as "do not be drunk with wine," and "abstain from fleshly lusts." Now do not get me wrong as I actually believe there are degrees of sin and that God sees some sins as missing the mark far more than others, but the fact is that almost always when someone is angry, critical or negative they are violating the many commands to "love one another," "be kind to one another," "live in peace and harmony with one another," "accept one another," "forebear one another, " "do not judge," "build up one another," "encourage one another," "do not bit and devour," and the list goes on.

I think that you would agree that anger, negativity and a critical spirit are not godly or Christian qualities. Perhaps one can find a small window with each where they could start in on these behaviors and it is only temptation and they catch themselves before they "sin." Each one of these things can be a temptation that quickly leads to sin if one lets their flesh take over and have its way. For we are to "walk in the spirit and not the flesh," again proof that anger, negativity and being critical all miss God's mark for a believer's life and are certainly behaviors that will not set us apart from the world. So perhaps Jesus could be angry, critical or negative without sinning, but for me, a lot of sins typically flow from these temptations if I let them into my life for long.

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Cathy · 699 weeks ago

The negatives give us the potential for acceptance.

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Kath · 699 weeks ago

Powerful testimony! Thank you! I will choose to walk in love today.

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becky · 699 weeks ago

Totally!

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Mama Zen · 699 weeks ago

That is excellent advice!

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imperfect prose · 699 weeks ago

oh, how this touched me... this man's humility and grace... thank you for this, lori.

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Misty · 699 weeks ago

Thanks for this!! Every now and then I struggle with this. I've noticed that when I change my attitude, my husband doesn't seem to do the things the that annoy me as much. Hmmmm..go figure.

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wolfsrosebud 30p · 699 weeks ago

I do say AMEN... now I need to write a love letter to my hubby. Thanks!

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