Monday, October 31, 2011

Have Them Early And Often


This is the advice Ken gives to our married children concerning having children.  I was pondering this when a woman wrote a post about her honeymoon baby in response to my post on Ryan and Erin's honeymoon baby.

In her post she said how happy she was that she had children early, because she became unable to have children in her 30's, I think because of illness.  This is exactly what happened to me!

I had four children in five and one half years.  Cassi, my baby, was born when I was only 30 years old.  I became very ill after that for 20 years.  We wanted more children, even four more, but I was too sick.  I remember thinking how blessed I was to have the four children I had since I couldn't have anymore.

I think women today take their fertility and having babies for granted.  They think they can have them any time they want and when they want.  Usually, they pursue a career, travel, etc. before settling down and getting married.  Then they discover they can't get pregnant.

Now if you are doing it in God's timing...waiting for the husband God has chosen and still are unable to conceive, you just have to trust God knowing that He is in control and works out everything for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.  {The key being "love Him and called according to His purpose"...meaning He is Lord of your life and you walk in obedience to Him}.

When we do things our way, they usually don't turn out so good.  God's ways are good.  He knows what He is doing.

One woman I know got married young and didn't believe in birth control.  Her husband had a rare disease which causes tumors all over his body and they usually die young.  They had five precious children right in a row.  The father died at 27 years old.  Were they irresponsible?

Even though the father had that disease,  he had a wonderful wife and enjoyed every moment he had with his children. His short life was rich and full.  God will take care of his wife.  He promises to take care of widows and orphans, mostly through His people.

I know the mother is so happy she had the children God blessed her with.  They bring much joy into her life.  God smiles upon pregnancy and babies.  He is our provider.  He knit us in our mother's womb.  Celebrate life!  Celebrate God who is the giver of every precious life!

Happy is the man that has his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed
Psalm 127:5

P.S.  The picture above is of my whole family celebrating my mom's 80 birthday!  Baby Emma is in Erin's tummy. :)

Comments (25)

Loading... Logging you in...
  • Logged in as
I agree with you in your posts on this subject. Yet, I also disagree in your assumption that it is solely "women today take their fertility and having babies for granted ..(and cont. paragraph)." I honestly believe there are many more men than women resistent to children. I know many, including myself, who would welcome children as blessings but unable to do so due to the wishes of the husband. We are told to submit to our husbands, and in doing so also accept the reality of " then discover[ing] they can't get pregnant." It's a constant tearing at the heart, and a grappling that is at times difficult to comprehend. I would LOVE to see a post with you (or your husband) writing on choosing/waiting for children from the perspective of submission in the denial of such. Thank you. :)
I wholeheartedly agree with the above comment. I find it is definitely the husband that limits the number of children and we are to submit to our husbands first. I don't believe women should nag their husbands for more children. Prayer does work but many times the husband is the one who doesn't want more children.
Whitney,

I have been pondering your question and will get a post out about it within the next week. I completely believe in submission to your husband and that wives win their husbands without a word so I will let you know more of my thoughts soon.

Love,
Lori
I'm 26 and have four under the age of four. It's a crazy season of life, and most people think my husband and I are crazy. I really appreciated this post and found it very encouraging!!
What a wonderful post. I always assumed that it would be easy to have children, at least 'til you hit 40. I have never struggled with infertility, but almost died in child-birth with our first after a completely healthy pregnancy. The doctors said I might never conceive again.

I did, but realized that children are not something to be taken for granted!

(Found your post on Gratituesday!)
My story of God's faithfulness and answered prayer. I was 19 when I married, started trying to conceive three years later. We did wait (with natural methods) because I thought the honeymoon time was a very special time that you would never have again in your life. However, we have struggled with infertility since 1990. We have a 17 year old son, who is an answer to prayer and believe that we WILL have another baby because God is so great!
I totally agree with your post, Lori. In Response to the comment by Whitney, I completely understand her point on that.

We have to be careful to continue to respect our husbands decisions on this though.

The Lord has blessed my husband and I with 3 beautiful children and I would have had 10 more!

We became pregnant before we were married. We were both a year out of high school and still living at home. We did not go to college. We were married shortly after we found out we were going to have our first little baby. Lots of mixed emotions, but so thankful for God's mercy and grace!
After our second child, i prayed and prayed for another until finally my husband said that "if it happens it happens" instead of "preventing" it.
We got pregnant shortly after and i still wanted more but he was pretty determined to have a vasectomy. I resisted at first but eventually accepted that just because I wanted more didn't mean that he had to feel the same. I respected his decision and he went ahead with the procedure with my blessing.
However. Looking back I can see things that I may have done differently if I had had the wisdom. Sometimes I feel the reason he didn't want anymore children was because of my lack of being able to handle alot of the stress that comes with raising small children.
He was in a way "protecting" me from getting myself in over my head. Also, many times I felt that the "idea" of having a large family was more romantic and idealistic for me instead of actually putting myself in the "reality" of it. Also, men have a huge need to provide for their families and women (not all the time) can just look at it and say " oh, honey the Lord will provide" instead of understanding his fear of not being able to provide. Don't misunderstand, the Lord most definately will provide, but as wives we need to be sensitive to their needs while at the same time praying for a change of heart for our husbands. Also, could I have made more of an effort to be more frugal and diligent with our finances so that my husband would see that the pantry was full and dinner was available every night even if it meant a simple dinner? That having another child might make things a little tighter but because of my organization and discipline, he could trust me with handling it? I have asked myself those questions and at times regretted him having the surgery, but I have to trust that by honoring my husbands wishes, that God knows what is best for us. Maybe having more children for me would have been much more than i had thought. Who knows, but my husband and I have a wonderful marriage and I love him so so much regardless of whether or not "MY" plans for a large family were fullfilled or not. I am thankful for the three that we have been blessed with and I would not trade starting a family at 19 for anything!
We are 38 now!
I would have focused more on spoiling my husband more and nagging less. I would have showered him with affection and not always let our children take all of my focus and shown him that having more children wouldnt have left him out but only added to the love we already had instead of taking away from it. More children = less intimacy for alot of men and we need to be responsible and mature to respect our husbands in this way. This is all hindsight of course but it is what it is. This is just a few things that "I" would have done differently. Not necessarily what every woman could do. Maintain a sweet spirit as well:)
Blessings,
Natalee
1 reply · active 699 weeks ago
Great post, Natalee! I really enjoyed your perspectives and pondering what you could have done differently. Younger women can learn from our mistakes.
Lori,
In the circle I run with, it's the wives who are hesitant to have children and don't want anymore. I'm not sure if it's because I went to a college where most women have a career before having children. I was talking to my brother recently, and he told me my SIL loves children, but doesn't want them because it means sleepless nights, losing her body (she's skinny and doesn't want to get fat), uncertainty re. finances (she's the "breadwinner" of the family), etc. This saddens me. Yes, my husband and I have dealt with these issues (especially the uncertainty), but God has used it to bring us together to pray more and to trust in Him more. Yes, I have had many sleepless nights, but I LOVE my job as a SAHM. Children are a blessing, not a cute inconvenience.
1 reply · active 699 weeks ago
Our daughter was born 362 days after our wedding. Not exactly a honeymoon baby, but she was an early first anniversary present. :)
I think that as you are writing to women, you probably honed in on the women who don't want children rather than not agreeing it can be men, too?! That's how I read it! ;-)
Anyway, I am 33 and am expecting my 7th. God has blessed us so richly, but as we say every time, we take nothing for granted, I have a friend who had a child every year for 12 years - she had her 12th at 37 and presumed her fertility would carry on into her 40's, as most peoples does. She never had any more! Whereas my SIL didn't get married until she was 34, and didn't have her first baby for 2 years, but then God gave her 4 in a row, quite quickly, her most recent at 42, this year!
God knows us better than we know ourselves. He is our provider, and I have proved that over and over! Children are a blessing, and you would never reach the end of child-bearing and say "well, I wish I hadn't had number 5 and 6" for example!
I know may men are fearful, but not trusting God to provide is never a good reason to say "no" to children! That is lack of trust on their part (although I do believe we should submit, whilst also meekly putting across our point of view...especially if they want us to use harmful BC such as the pill, the coil etc). We need to pray for husbands such as that, and pray that the words of titus would be true, and that women would win their husbands by being meek and quiet about such things.
Thanks for sharing, Lori! (I foud you through WLWW! :-) )
1 reply · active 699 weeks ago
You said, "although I do believe we should submit, whilst also meekly putting across our point of view ... especially if they want us to use harmful BC such as the pill, the coil etc." Is this even possible? The man determines he doesn't want children, and so to prevent such with absolute certainty the woman is given the only choice of "harmful BC." To not use such methods and take the "risk" would certainly be dishonest and disrespectful toward the man, no? Yet, seemly to do otherwise and use such methods would be to place greater authority in the man than God. The solution as is written seems simply, and yet in reality it is far more complex. So again, is this really possible?
Donna Edmunds's avatar

Donna Edmunds · 699 weeks ago

Thank you for this wonderful post, I just came across your blog today and read this post first, and how relevant it is for me, My husband and I have four children, starting with our honeymoon baby 9 years ago, and after I had my fourth child last December I became very ill, and now am unsure whether we will be able to have more. I am so glad God blessed us with the 4 we have now, and is supplying my feelings of contentment to get through this struggle! We may not end up with 12 children like we had hoped, but we are so blessed and fulfilled, if this is Gods plan, then it is perfect. I have so many friends who put their career ahead of having children,and teh struggle to concieve when they finally felt they were "ready" was heartbreaking. God bless you and your family!
This is an interesting post! My husband & I have been baffled by the question of "Should we have another child?" He is 30 & I'm 26... We have 4 children. Ages 11, 10, 7, 4yr. How are we supposed to know??? Lol It does sadden me to think of not having another baby in our home, but also scares me to think of going back to sleepless nights & feeling overwhelmed with housework. Any thoughts???
1 reply · active 699 weeks ago
I can completely understand how overwhelmed you are feeling but I have heard it gets easier after the fourth child because the older ones can help with the babies and the housework. Have you watched the Duggers? They all pitch in and help and are so happy. I wish I would have trained my children to help more. I think that is the key to being able to have large families. The children develop a strong work ethic and learn to serve.

I can just tell you that they grow up very quickly and they are our greatest joys in life. God does give you the strength needed for each day so you take one day at a time and rest in Him. SO my advice would be, "Go for it!" ;)
Pages 127-129 of A Full Quiver by Rick and Jan Hess discusses vasectomy risks and medical consequences of female sterilization. I believe in submission but not if that involves a woman using the Pill or other abortifacients,etc. We have 5 granddaughters. I've been busy ordering home education readers for the oldest(4)-Abeka,Christian Liberty Press,etc.-since we finished home educating our 6 last June. I look at my 4th granddaughter and think that she wouldn't be here if we didn't have her mom-our 5th child.
OOOOO! How I can relate! I am now 30 years old and was diagnosed with Lupus when I was 28....I had three children by that time and am unable to have any more. I am sooooo thankful I had my girls early in life!
Lori, great post! Thank you for linking up with us. :)
My husband and I were married when I was 18 and he was 22. We had our first when I was 20 and our second on my 22nd birthday (what a gift right!!!). We are hoping to conceive again in the next year. Its amazing how when you pray "God lead me in your path" how he changes both persons hearts and minds. We said that we were done at two and now we are looking at 4! We have started to change how we do things to make things easier with more kids...mainly chatting with other bigger families to see how its done.

Cute story...both of our girls were born the exact same size... 7lbs 9oz and 19.5 inches. God gave me a mold huh?

God Bless Ya!
lullabymom's avatar

lullabymom · 699 weeks ago

It's so true and beautiful... "God's ways are good. He knows what He is doing." Thank you for your post.
I am 39 years old, have been married for 17 years and have two children though I have ached to have more!

My husband and I actually had four children in 6 years (all before we were 30), but lost two of them in early infancy. Ironically enough, they were the two we "planned." The two we still have (now 16 and 10) are the ones we would not have had if it had been up to us, fools that we were. I do not suggest that God intentionally took the ones we planned as punishment! But I do know that our family is exactly as God Himself has planned it since the beginning of time. And as I have since become unable to have more children (barring a divine intervention), I am thankful each and every day that God is sovereign and saw fit to bless me with the family I have, small though it may be. God has taught me, through my sufferings and blessings, that He is indeed in control and is trustworthy. I love that verse you mentioned above: God...works out everything for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose! It's one of my favorites! And I've come to understand that the good He promises us is not health, comfort, safety or happiness. It's becoming more like Him through any measures He sees fit to take.

Thank you for a thought-provoking post. I found it to be encouraging.
I am nearly in tears reading your post and the following comments. I really needed some encouragement today. I am 28 with an almost 3 year old, a 1 year old (tomorrow) and one on the way due in March. People can be so discouraging when talking about having children close together. And the comments have ranged from upsetting to laughable. Our third wasn't a child we were planning (just yet) but weren't preventing either. I am excited about our little family and hope it is even larger with another child by birth or adoption in the future. I know we will have our hands full for the near future but look forward to the years God gives us together. Thank you again for the post!

Lauren
Ruby Godfrey's avatar

Ruby Godfrey · 699 weeks ago

II am 60. We had four children in 6 years. They are all grown now. We also struggled with do we have more or not. I would have had more but my husband really felt at that time that we should not. I started menopause at 32. God changed my husband's mind later in life about children, what finances are necessary, trusting God, etc. But God has also given us many other "children" through the years. We have been houseparents at a child care facility. We have taken children into our home over the years. We now have our ex-daughter-in-law living with us (she's 24) and her two children (5 yr. old grandson and 2 yr. old from another marriage after our son). So even though I believe that we didn't trust God as we should have earlier He has blessed us in so many ways as we follow Him now. I do agree that christians should trust God in how and when they have children instead of deciding based on finances and convenience.
Thank you so much for this post! My husband and I have two children, 17 months apart (10 months old and 27 months old. We've been wondering when to have our third. I'm 30 and my husband is 35. We've had some great discussions as a result of your post. Thanks for the food for thought!
I have always felt that when we have children, they will be very close together. And I don't even care. If I have Irish twins, yay for us. If I get pregnant with twins, yay for us. Though, we've been trying to have a baby for the last 7 1/2 years. So maybe it's easier to appreciate the blessing that children are.

Post a new comment

Comments by