We women got our
start with discontentment in the Garden of Eden, didn’t we? God gave Eve pick
of the garden and all of its delicious edibles, but Eve wasn’t content because
she wanted the one fruit that was off-limits.
I think we women have
a greater tendency to think the grass is always greener on the other side.
That’s a dangerous tendency that is a very slippery slope toward sin. One of my
children and I have an almost daily conversation about envy and jealousy. I am
teaching them that, when we see that someone else has something that we like,
we need to prevent jealous thoughts from taking root by saying a prayer and
thanking the Lord for blessing that person so richly.
I, like Paul, know
what it is to have plenty and what it is to be in want. I have learned the
secret to being content in all circumstances and that is sincere thankfulness,
not only for what I have been given, but for what others have been blessed with
as well. It’s an attitude of gratitude.
We had a big
discussion here a little while ago about personalities in husbands. We were
talking about Mr. Steady, Mr. Visionary, and Mr. Command Man. I think that many
women have a tendency to want their husbands to be a different personality type
than they are. If they have a more steady man, they wish they were more daring,
spontaneous, and bold. If they have a strong husband, they wish they were more
gentle and easy-going. If their husband is a wonderfully consistent and wise
man, they wish he was more creative and enterprising. We must be careful not to
let these thoughts take root or we will become embittered toward our men and
will open ourselves up for the enemy to gain a foothold. Emotional and
eventually physical adultery stem from discontentment in our marriages and husbands.
We must choose to
recognize that, if the Lord was the one who put our marriage together, He chose
our spouse for us to refine us and help us become more like Christ. The sooner
we accept this truth and develop a gratefulness for God’s plan in our marriage,
the more blessed we will become.
As John C. Maxwell
often says…
“Blessed are the
flexible, for they seldom get bent out of shape.”
Be content with such things as ye have:
for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.
Hebrews 13:5
*** This post was written by Thejoyfilledwife!
Logging you in...
Melissa · 548 weeks ago
Becky · 548 weeks ago
thank you
mbb · 548 weeks ago
A psalm of David.
1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
Our church was asked to read this every night for a month and it completely changed my outlook on life. Whenever I get frustrated, I remember this: "He MAKES me lie down in green pastures". SO COMFORTING.
You are also right on about God's spouse for you refining you. I would've never thought I was "that bad" until I married someone I shouldn't have (unbeliever) and then was convicted to remain. We had a tumultuous first 7 years or so of marriage. Everyone who wasn't just all in for Christ would've definitely left. But I knew my Lord would bring me through to something better, even if I had no idea what it was, all I had to do was obey. Your blog really helped me learn how to submit, and our marriage is night and day difference. And I am even a far better person than I ever thought I could be. I just never knew this kind of life was in store for me, one of obedience to God. And how fulfilling and safe it could feel also. I also have gained much wisdom through these years about accepting my husband. And not begrudgingly, but wholly, joyfully, finding joy in having a Christ centered marriage, and not relying on my husband to make me happy. You also blog often about being joyful in your own right. I didn't know it was possible. No one ever taught me that. But I began practicing it and our entire house hold is just so happy. PTL!!!!!
Lori Alexander 122p · 548 weeks ago
Sami · 548 weeks ago
Shelley Payton · 548 weeks ago
However, I do sometimes struggle with temptation with other things... like being frustrated about not having money for a smart phone or new clothes. Really SHALLOW, SILLY desires that I fight back. But my usual tactic is avoiding. I'm not tempted to want new clothes if I don't go to the mall, for example. And I'm not tempted to want a better phone until my contract is up and I start looking at all the maybes, so I don't look. Is this a good way to deal with these temptations in your opinion joyfilledwife? Or is the better way to expose yourself to things and pray through it?
thejoyfilledwife 62p · 548 weeks ago
It's a fact of life that we can't ultimately avoid the things that tempt us 100%, unless we become a hermit and live in fear. We can easily give into fear and paranoia about coming into contact with the things that tempt us, if we are not careful. That's where I was with my husband's addiction in the beginning. I was absolutely paranoid that we would be somewhere and would walk past scantily clad women (which we did...CONSTANTLY, because that's the norm for most women nowadays). That fear not only made the healing process take longer, but it caused strain on our relationship, it tempted me to judge the women instead of seeing them as valuable in God's eyes, and it provoked a hundred million sinful thoughts to go round and round inside my head. Fear is a nasty wildfire that grows quickly once a spark is kindled.
Trying to avoid the things that spur on temptation are usually wise in the beginning as the Lord works on our hearts, but we must be extremely careful not to allow ourselves to give into the fear of ever coming across those things that tempt us. Getting rid of that fear can sometimes be harder than overcoming the initial temptation we were struggling with because we may think that our fear of giving into sin is healthy. In reality, any kind of fear (except reverent fear of the Lord) is sinful. We are not trusting God when we are fearful.
Let's face the facts that the enemy is going to be very vigilant about making sure he presents as many opportunities for you to become tempted where you'tr most vulnerable, in hopes that you'll give into sin. You need to be aware of this, but not allow it to cause paranoia. That's really, really important. What I had to do (and I still do this!) is to say Scripture out loud right away when you feel temptation coming on. Look up Scriptures that tell you the Truth about the subject of contentment and the sin of envy and say them out loud (quietly, if you must) the second you start feeling tempted to become discontent with what you have or do not have. Don't purposely walk around malls or electronic stores if they provoke you, but be aware that you probably can't avoid it entirely and it's important that you enact the plan to recite the Truth of Scripture whenever those moments of dissatisfaction arise (and that could happen when you're not even around those things!). I am a big advocate of being very cautious about social media as well. I closed down my Facebook over 2 years ago and, after seeing how much more grateful and content I was by not being on there, I wish I had never started one in the first place. It's the same thing with Instagram or Pinterest or Twitter and such. If you find that something is constantly provoking temptation toward dissatisfaction, you don't need it in your life. We are tempted enough without anything adding to the problem.
I know exactly how it feels to be where you are right now. I gave up almost every single thing in my life when my husband was living in sin and I did without some of the most basic, basic necessities of life while God was trying to get my husband's attention. My husband commented to me two nights ago after he had just finished spending time in prayer that he was so humbled and grateful that I was willing to give up everything to go along with the Lord's plan. There was a time when we were literally days away from having to live out of the car and I told my husband, with a smile, that I would do so with joy, if the Lord so called us to do that. I lived with only a handful of articles of clothing (all which BADLY needed replacing), one pair of shoes, and having only a half a cup of rice to be found in our home for food. There were many days when we didn't know where our next meal would come from or if we would end up homeless. The Lord took His hand of blessing off of everything we did, no matter how hard we worked, because He knew it would take something that drastic to finally get my husband's attention. There were times when I badly needed to replace my phone because it wasn't receiving or sending calls or texts and I needed it for appointments for my husband's company. We simply didn't have money to replace it.
It's was not my favorite thing to live void of some of the basic necessities of life (or some of the luxuries), but I learned the valuable lesson of obedience to God and holding things very, very loosely. I told the Lord in my quiet times that I would gladly give up every luxury, and even basic necessities, if it would help point my husband back to the cross. I truly, truly, do know what it's like to have plenty and what it's like to be in want. I have learned the secret to being content in all situations. Remember, dear sister, that God desires to use the things you lack in order to cultivate in you complete satisfaction and contentment in Him. After all, what would you truly have if you had everything you wanted, but you didn't have Jesus? What in this life could mean any more than true contentment in Him?
Shelley Payton · 548 weeks ago
Desiree · 548 weeks ago
FreeIndeed! · 548 weeks ago
I wish you had been my mother. But I'm so glad you are my sister!!
I always thank God for you because of His Grace given you in Christ Jesus (!). For , in Him, you have been enriched in every way- in all your speaking and in all your knowledge- because our testimony about Christ was confirmed in you. 1 Cor. 4&5
Thank you, Father, for your faithfulness in the life of our sister, thejoyfilledwife. You comforted her in all of her troubles so that she can comfort others as you comforted her! What an awesome work you have done in her!
HisHelper · 548 weeks ago
-HisHelper
thejoyfilledwife 62p · 548 weeks ago
Jane Beyer Swanson · 548 weeks ago
cris · 547 weeks ago
However, I don't think this covers the issues fully.
I think you're missing the fact that most women go into relationships thinking they can "change" him. I think the reality of you cannot change him setting in causes great discontentment.
I also think this fails to mention the fact that men are not being raised to be men anymore. A LOT of boys are coddled and are not taught to be self sufficient and this usually goes back to the mother. Most women do not desire to be their husbands mom. They want to be equally partners and a lot of men today are being raised to be boys. And that's sad.
Men need to do their part and women need to their part equally.
thejoyfilledwife 62p · 547 weeks ago
I agree with you on several of your points. However, this post was written specifically about wives being dissatisfied about their husband's personality. Lori took my response to someone about this topic and turned it into a post. It wasn't meant to cover more topics than the one that is the subject matter. Hope that clarifies things.
Cris · 547 weeks ago