Suzanne Somers has been married to Alan Hamel for 27 years. In an interview, she said they fought constantly for the first ten years. Now, they never fight. They care for each other and have a wonderful relationship. When asked if she felt all marriages would get to that place if they stuck it out through the hard times, she said that yes, she believed they would.
I have seen a lot of couples go through hard times, stick it out, and now enjoy each other. They take care of each other. They no longer fight.
Recently, a program on marriage stated that the first couple years of marriage are tumultuous. Do they have to be? If young women learn how to be help meets from the very beginning, learn how to give their opinions, and then let them go without arguing about it, don't you think the first years of marriage could be like the last few years, wonderful?
Why does a marriage have to begin tumultuous when both spouses are usually in the prime of their life. They feel good, they look good, and they are young? Does it have to take many years of fighting each other to decide to stop fighting and just care for each other? Do we finally give up the fight because we are old and tired?
Ken and I care for each other now. We have been married a long time. The first years of our marriage were tumultuous. All four of my children are married now. I don't think any of them would describe the beginning of their marriage as tumultuous. They knew a lot more than I did. The wives don't always argue with their husbands like I did. They care for each other right out of the gate.
Therefore, if you are newlyweds or still early in marriage, don't have a tumultuous marriage. Don't fight your husband. Allow him to lead. Answer him kindly. Think the best of him. Don't let his annoying habits irritate you. Build him up. Be the best help meet you can be!
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32
Logging you in...
Lindsay Harold · 551 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 551 weeks ago
Lindsay Harold · 551 weeks ago
My husband and I both had parents who had fairly good marriages and stuck together, but who argued. I had been something of a peacemaker for my parents as a teen when they had disagreements and talked past each other. As a result, I saw what sorts of things led to arguments and how most of them are due to miscommunication and/or trying to force the other person to do what you want.
Thus, our plan to settle disagreements allowed us to do so in a rational manner without arguing or fighting for control. Both my husband and I are pretty laid back, logical people and that helps too. Getting emotional tends to cloud judgment and make arguments more likely. We focus on working together to find a solution rather than trying to get what we want and it works very well. It's been more than 4 years of marriage with no strife or fighting or yelling at each other at all. It's nice.
Cynthia · 551 weeks ago
We don't always agree on everything instantly. when we disagree, though, we don't turn it into a battle for control. I like what you wrote about both being on the same team, and definitely agree with that advice. Disagreements are much easier to solve if they don't turn into power struggles or put-downs.
Lori - we weren't formally mentored. While we love both sets of parents (both of whom are still married), there were certain patterns that we consciously decided to avoid. I did hear that teaching I've mentioned about men and women being complementary, and being two halves of a whole which is created in the image of God a few times.
Lindsay Harold · 550 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 551 weeks ago
Ken · 550 weeks ago
I just read your blog post about your decision with your husband early in marriage not to argue. There is great wisdom in your decisions. I particularly like the fact that you set a game plan that was completely biblical. You first try to find consensus and in the times that you cannot you allow your husband to lead by making the final decision.
Those who are afraid of a biblical marriage cannot fathom that indeed most husbands, especially godly husbands, do not just choose their way when making the final decision. Think about it for a moment and you begin to realize that a loving husband will almost never make a decision his way unless he truly felt it was the very best for the family. Instead he feels almost obligated to give his wife her wishes because in the up-side-down economy of God he takes his role as servant leader seriously.
Lori and I did have some significant disagreements over the years. I know we would have gotten to a one flesh marriage much faster if we had established more clearly my final decision making role, or if I had been willing to make the final decision. Remember, it is not enough to give a husband final decision-making responsibility, but he has to step up and lead in this way. A thing many husbands are unwilling to do. Sometimes we would rather not own or take such responsibility, and instead complain when things go wrong :{.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
Desiree · 551 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 551 weeks ago
Ksdee · 551 weeks ago
Lady Virtue · 550 weeks ago
Susan · 550 weeks ago
MrsMike · 551 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 551 weeks ago
I give all women who become engaged "Created to be His Help Meet."
"On the Other Side of the Garden" by Virginia Ruth Fugate
"Feminine Appeal" by Carolyn Mahaney
These are other great books I strongly endorse!
Charissa · 551 weeks ago
Mainly I think just living out a good example is important, though.
herecomestheLIGHT · 551 weeks ago
Jamie · 550 weeks ago
Lindsey · 550 weeks ago
equippinggodlywomen 18p · 550 weeks ago