Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Recipe for a Rotten Marriage


For all of you who would like a recipe for a rotten marriage, here it is! 

A wife and husband who both work full-time. 

Two young children in preschool. 

Wife expects husband to put away the kid's jacket, get the baby bottle, rinse his plate, put his shoes in the closet, take out the garbage, and fold his own laundry when they get home from work. 

When he doesn't do these things, yell at him, "Actually, can you just do it? It's not helping me out. It's just putting your kid's sh*t away." 

He obeys his wife. 

View your husband as your partner and your equal. 

Instead of ever asking him to help you out again, since you are partners, simply tell him to get his sh*t out of the way since this will: (1) not diminish his value; (2) won't put undue responsibility on you; (3) will set an example for the children you want them to see and (4) it won't diminish your partnership. 

Tada! Then you'll have a happy and healthy family!

Now, can any of you reading this raise your hand if you think this will produce the results she intends for it to produce? Zero chance. In reality, this will produce a rotten marriage which, hopefully not, will end in divorce. Can you see how far from God's design for marriage and our roles this is and how feminism has destroyed marriage, children and family life? Wives with young children shouldn't be leaving their children all day. A husband who has been working hard to provide for his family shouldn't have to fold his own laundry and do a lot of housework when he gets home. 

Oh, but God's ways are so backwards and ancient. Yes, they would just set women back into the Stone Age where they would be home all day with their precious children disciplining, training, teaching and playing with them. They would have all day to shop for and cook nourishing food for their family, do the housework and be ready to love on their husband when they came home, instead of coming home to fast food, having little time with their children and swearing at their husbands.

I write posts for my blog trying to convince as many Christian women as possible the futility of feminism and going against God's design for us. We are the "weaker vessel" and God created us to be at home caring for our family; for those who are married with children. This is one of those GOOD things that God commands older women to teach young women and it is a very good thing! Unfortunately, even Christian women continue to listen to the lies of Satan that have wreaked havoc on everyone, including society. Go quickly back to the ancient paths that God has designed for you. Please don't be like the feminists who shout at God, "We will NOT walk in it!" Instead, (1) go home; (2) raise your children; (3) be your husband's help meet; (4) work hard at home and (5) find rest for your souls. This is the recipe for a healthy family and marriage!

Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls. But they said, We will not walk therein.
Jeremiah 6:16

Comments (41)

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Lady Virtue's avatar

Lady Virtue · 484 weeks ago

Great post. Indeed, if a wife expects her husband to take care of the duties of a keeper at home, what need has he for a wife?

Sadly, also, many men expect and want their wives employed in the labor force. That is the husband's responsibility, not the wife's. The devil has fooled many into thinking that men and women are the same and have no value to each other except for a financial and/or sexual one. May God open blinded eyes, causing us to turn to Him in repentance and walk the old paths.
3 replies · active 484 weeks ago
HappyHomemaker's avatar

HappyHomemaker · 484 weeks ago

Years ago, I almost found myself divorced. I was working full time and thought that since I was working just as much as my husband, it was only fair that he do housework too. On this particular day, I pushed and pushed and pushed (and I absolutely knew how far I could push him and I KNEW I was going too far, but I didn't care because fair was fair right?) He finally told me to leave. I am now so ashamed of that day. I had the feminist attitude that we were both working, so we should both be doing housework. I didn't take into consideration that this man had a very physical job and probably worked 10x harder than I did since I worked in an office, I didn't care that he was tired and just wanted to relax on his day off, I didn't care that God says I am to be the keeper of the home, I didn't care about any of that because I was right! Well, let me rephrase that, I didn't care about any of that UNTIL he told me to leave. I thank God for opening my eyes and letting me see my purpose in life and that is to be my husband's help meet, and what I done that day certainly wasn't being a help meet. I thank God for opening my eyes and letting me see that I am so blessed and for putting me on the right track. You see, I know I am married to a wonderful man, he has a hard job, and yet he goes everyday to provide for us. I was just so stubborn that I couldn't see how wrong I was. Since my heart has been changed, things are much better. God has opened my eyes to his wonderful qualities that I couldn't see before because all I could see were what I perceived as my rights. Now, I see that he is a hard worker and that he provides for our family daily. He leads our home and he loves me more than I deserve. If there is a want I have, he carefully considers it and makes a wise decision, how do I know it's wise? Well first because God says he is to lead our home and two because God has shown me time and time again where it would have been wrong if we had done what I wanted. He always makes sure our family is provided for. I am blessed beyond anything I could ever deserve and thank God for his mercy and grace in opening my eyes before it was too late!
7 replies · active 484 weeks ago
My sons wife divorced him for these exact reasons. We are grieving for the loss of this family.
3 replies · active 484 weeks ago
The argument I've gotten in regards to women working outside the home is that it doesn't state anywhere in the Bible that a woman can't work outside the home. I've also heard that, yes, the Bible says to be a keeper at home, but it doesn't say a mom and wife has to be there every day, all day. I responded with the commands to train our children and teach them about God and His word throughout the day and serving your husband, etc. I'm not sure how else I could've responded. It stumped me a little- is the verse about being a keeper at home enough to command us not to work outside the home at all? It's okay to do a little work (like a part-time job) as long as it's not interfering with loving and serving your family, correct? I've been struggling lately with wanting to work just a few hours a week as with only one child, I have more time than other mothers, even with being involved in church and helping other mothers out. My husband (who still insists on sending our daughter to kindergarten next year, but that's a separate issue) wants me to be home full-time until she goes to school, and he was a little hesitant to say much about me working next year. But I can also tell he wasn't against it either. He seemed more open to something part-time, but has said many times he does not ever want me working full time again. I'm praying for clarity on this. It makes me feel guilty when I see other moms my age struggling with working full-time after purchasing brand new houses with multiple children, trying to be involved in church and over committing to so many things. They are Christians and really seem to have good marriages, but they seem so stressed out. I never speak of me having a bad day because I'm sure that would make them want to hit me over the head! I know the guilt shouldn't be there, and often I ignore it knowing the enemy is making me question things.
8 replies · active 484 weeks ago
I love your blog! It has been a huge blessing to me! I was wondering if you have any blog posts about friendships with the opposite sex? My friend is unmarried, but she and her family often befriend godly young men they wouldn't consider marrying and reach out to him. They don't see any harm in it and I thought you might have some thoughts on this. She doesn't hang out with the young man alone, but he becomes a brother in their family, but they don't have any intention, in most cases, of it becoming anything more. Thanks!
3 replies · active 484 weeks ago
Great post! A major problem with the way our society thinks is that they assume the only way for a woman to use her intelligence, talent, and gifts if through a paid career. They assume if you don't have a paid career you are wasting your life. They fail to see that a true "helpmeet" has endless opportunities!

Teaching their children apologetics, theology, history, and reading great literature with them. Reading and learning about finances and economics in order to better run the household and the family budget. Learning about nutrition and home healing remedies. Exercising their creative talents by baking, cooking, decorating, creating, etc. Discussing world events and politics with their husband over dinner. Being a fruitful member of the household of God by actually having the time to participate in ministry and devote to prayer. Using their gifts and talents to help further their husband's career. whether that means proofreading speeches, entertaining colleagues, or giving wise perspective (when asked) about problems at the office.
To say a woman needs a paid career to use her gifts, talents, and brain is such a narrow-minded view of the matter!

Lori, I think you would really enjoy this article on the matter, below is a brief quote from it. http://botkinsisters.com/article/the-truth-about-...

"In Scripture, man’s work and woman’s work are equally valid – wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and femininity are not belittled, and women are not guilt-manipulated into living and acting like men. On the contrary; woman’s distinctiveness from man is praised and honored, and her unique role is held vital. Women were to be protected and cherished, to “attain honor” (Prov. 11:16) and be “praised in the gates” (Prov. 31:31). It wasn’t until the advent of women’s “liberation” that women were told, “Your value as a woman is determined by how well you can perform as a man. Being a woman is no longer enough.”
3 replies · active 484 weeks ago
Lori,

Thank you for your ministry. I would like to say that even a SAHM can be a feminist even if she is doing the laundry and making meals. Feminism is of the heart, not just what we see in the world and in christianity. My wife has settled down in her rebellion, but it is still there under the surface and is very palpable with the looks she will give me, the comments she makes and discussion on things.

She sees the big picture of feminism, but doesn't see that subtle female rebellion IS feminism. Even a young lady raised in a strong christian family has feminist tendencies, which is rebellion against her father or husband and even to her mother.

Our son is at the age where he can leave home. He is very handsome and has a very masculine way about him, more so than I did at his age. Girls and even grown women are very attracted to him.

She does not see how the subtle rebellion in young women will tear him apart and when/if he gets married he can find himself manipulated (like my wife did me) into following her rebellion and ultimately tearing his house down around him. Not to mention the courting world is no different than dating... he could be accused of things and be guilty before being proved innocent. I am doing my best to teach him, but my wife sees it as misogyny to teach him about gender dynamics what it is like out there.

He is a great leader and I don't want him to be without a helpmeet, but cannot fathom the difficulty young men face in this age. I guess that is why they are MGTOW.
1 reply · active 483 weeks ago
Great post Lori. I know several Christian women that think it is a husbands DUTY to help around the house. ( and not helping change nappies is the ultimate defenition of a bad husband apparently) And if your husband doesn't, then he obviously doesn't love you like Christ loved the church. And she will call him out loudly for it across a crowded room to get her point across. But don't you dare claim she isn't submissive and bullies and talks down to her own husband. She will have you hog tied and quartered. These are the types of women that my husband insists I stay away from. He will be civil to them, but there is only so much he will put up with.

My husband doesn't help me around the house. He says if I want help, that's why God gave me children. To train them to help. Occasionally he helps out. But it's because he chose to. And sometimes he won't because he doesn't know how I like things done or what the routine is. Some husbands will jump in and help if they see a wife is struggling. And that may mean keeping kids busy or taking them out so mum can get peace and quiet for a while. The woman who wrote the article was looking at it from the wrong perspective. She should of thanked him for spending time with the kids. And put the kids coat away herself. About the only thing she got half right was that she was going to quit nagging him about it.
1 reply · active 484 weeks ago
We see so many dangers in the world lately. I realized the biggest danger is us woman. We are such a weak vessel and husband's are falling for it, while they should be strong. I also have a husband that very early in our marrage would let me understand clearly when anough is anough. I was allowed throwing one tantrum in our marrage and he stopped it in its roots. I know it sounds like we woman can be childish. And without wisdom I do think we get to such points easily. I love the blog and comments I was reading today. I have learned a lot. Because English is my second language I find it very difficult to have a well stated argument. I learned a lot today. I find when you minister to woman and you speak respectfully and knowledgeable they are more prone to listen. May my language develop to such an intelligence.
I am busy walking Chinese (Mandarin) classes. Here in Taiwan is a great need for woman to understand their role as a woman. Here it is all about work, work, work. Confucius doctrine, if I could say it like that.
It will be a miracle if I can ever teach in Chinese. God help me. I am terrible with other languages except my own. To be able to communicate in English is a miracle in it self.
Lori, I study Chinese, I learn from your blog, I follow Erin's blog and read her books and so as No Greater Joy's teachings as well and I study my Bible.
Hopefully as my children are leaving the house I will be well equipped to teach the younger woman in Taiwan. (I am Afrikaans speaking)
Thank you for your ministry.
2 replies · active 484 weeks ago
I don't ask my husband to do the dishes or the laundry, or anything like that, but I do ask that he picks up after himself (ex. throwing away his trash when he gets home at 4 am instead of leaving it lying around for me to find when I wake up), and I don't think that's unreasonable. We have two small, very active boys, and I can use that minimal amount of assistance. Most of the time, I just ask him to play with the boys so I can cook or clean uninterrupted and he gets quality time with them.

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