Ken and I went to Palm Desert for our honeymoon. We were staying in a condo, so shortly after we got there we went to a store to buy food. He bought Ritz Crackers and that junky cheese to put on them. My mom had never bought any of that kind of stuff when I was growing up. I was appalled that he would eat that and I let him know. Usually, I would give him the silent treatment and be upset for a while. When we went to a nice restaurant and he ordered a steak, we wouldn't even be able to enjoy the meal because I was too upset. Oh, how I wish I would have learned as quickly as Debi did on her honeymoon when Michael wanted to buy the expensive meat and she questioned him about it. Michael had a bewildered look on his face and she read it correctly. I was patronizing him, speaking to him as if he were a stupid kid, because that is how I felt about what he was doing.* She was a wise woman who recognized her ungodly behavior immediately and I did not.
The story of the husband who watched things on TV that the wife felt was inappropriate so she treated him with disrespect and as a child also had a huge impact upon me. Debi gave the consequences of her behavior if she continued and the lonely plight of many single, divorced women who destroyed their marriages by treating their husbands as a child, instead of honoring and respecting them. The truth is, you ran him off because he watched commercials you declared unrighteous. You left his heart. And, he has left you emotionally- all because of your "playing the Holy Spirit"...Your nagging and criticism have the opposite effect of producing righteousness.*
Until I read Debi's book, Ken felt like he had to walk on eggshells around me; sneak his junk food and live like a stranger in his own home. As our children were getting ready to leave the nest, he told me he had come to the conclusion that marriage was simply a partnership and nothing more. Thankfully, I found Debi's book and through the conviction of Debi's words and the help of the Holy Spirit, I was able to turn our marriage around and stop being his Holy Spirit, but instead be the wife that the Lord has called me to be.
One of the saddest stories in this chapter was written by a woman who lost her husband through divorce by trying to be his Holy Spirit. She wrote all the ways she wished she would have responded instead of the way that she did. I shed tears as I read this letter the first time and praised the Lord that it wasn't me writing it since it could have been. I will abbreviate two of them for those of you who don't have the book.
When my husband acted selfishly at home...I wish I had prayed positively for him instead of withdrawing a little emotionally for him. I wish I had openly showed love and acceptance of him for himself, not impatiently waited until he acted right.*
Since SO many women decide that their husbands are not the spiritual leader they should be, this should help them see how wrong it is to have any critical attitude towards them. When he failed the children, failed to have devotions, failed to be spiritual, failed to lead as he should, I wish I had completely trusted God and maintained unity, honor, reverence, and submission with a glad and trusting heart.*
Please women, if your marriage is still intact by the grace of God, stop trying to change your husband's behavior, be upset with him continually and decide you are more spiritual than him since you go to Bible Studies. Allow the Lord to convict and change your husband while you obey God's commands to love, respect, obey, submit to and please your husband. Single mothers are the poorest group in our nation. Their lives are difficult. Never feel that you are a single mother since your husband works so hard. You are not!!! Your life is MUCH better than any single woman since you have a husband who hopefully is working hard to provide. Have godly wisdom in how you should treat your husband while there is still hope.
The amazing thing is that Ken has drastically changed all of the things I was continually upset with him about and it wasn't due to my nagging and controlling ways! As I have wanted to please him, he has wanted to please me. If something is bothering me, I can ask him now in a respectful way and he listens since he knows my heart is to do him good and not evil. We enjoy being married and deeply love each other. We no longer have simply a partnership but a loving marriage.
Your homework this week is to ask your husband if you are doing anything that makes him feel disrespected through your actions and words and see if he would point them out every time you act this way so you can begin changing. It's difficult to see the bad habits that we have developed over the years but your husband sure sees them.
Your homework this week is to ask your husband if you are doing anything that makes him feel disrespected through your actions and words and see if he would point them out every time you act this way so you can begin changing. It's difficult to see the bad habits that we have developed over the years but your husband sure sees them.
Therefore to him that knoweth to do good,
and doeth it not, to him it is sin.
James 4:17
**Please feel free to write quotes that touched you in the comment section or
**Please feel free to write quotes that touched you in the comment section or
questions and insights you may have!
*Quotes from the book.
