Many women despise the story Debi tells of Michael taking the trash out, missing the garbage can, scattering garbage all over the place and then "continued on his merry way."* I encourage you to stop getting upset over some of Debi's stories because you don't like them. "He was a jerk to do this." "He is the one who should have cleaned it up." I have heard many women say these things to me and give reasons why Michael was wrong and how this was a dumb story. However, the point of the story was that she used to be irritated and bitter about something like this happening, but learned to simply accept him with his mistakes and love him any ways.
Haven't all of our husbands done stupid things? Haven't we done stupid things before? So what! None of us will be perfect until the day we see Jesus so until that wonderful day, don't allow the stupid things to cause you to be irritated and bitter! Don't allow a stupid story to cause you to miss the point of the story! Even children will do stupid things but they shouldn't cause us to lose our joy.
I never have a chip on my shoulder, no matter how offended I have a right to be - and I do have reasons to be offended regularly.* The Bible tells us that love doesn't get offended easily. We overlook other's faults, especially our husband, who we have vowed to love until death do us part. We learn to be patient with others and put up with their quirks. This is what love is all about! Being offended easily takes away your joy. I used to get regularly offended at Ken. I felt like I was a ping pong ball all the time. If he was doing what I wanted him to do, I was happy. If he was not, I was unhappy. He felt like he had to walk on eggshells during this time. No one enjoys being around someone who is offended or irritated easily. No one, including the person who gets offended! Make up your mind to allow people to be who they are and not try to change them. Love them with all of their faults and allow God to change them in His perfect timing.
Somewhere over the years, having goodwill and a merry heart toward each other has become as natural as breathing...Live with thanksgiving, forgiveness, and joy, and enjoy all your moments as if they were your last. Someday, soon enough, they will be.* Life on this earth is short. You will NEVER be a thankful, forgiving and joyful person if you get offended easily and hold grudges. Let it go! Instead, use your short time on this earth to love and serve others. Don't wait until you've been married a long time to appreciate your husband. Appreciate him now! Keep your mind on the good and the pure. Be satisfied with what the Lord has blessed you with. Allow your husband the opportunity to enjoy living with you!
Every day you have a choice; to be thankful and joyful or not. Choose to be a wife that your husband loves being with, a mother your children love being with and who finds joy and thankfulness a way of life.
No Greater Joy just had a great sale on this book and I would love to give three of them to any of you who don't have this book yet because you can't afford it. If you would like to receive one, leave a comment and tell me how this study has changed your marriage so far. I LOVE hearing testimonies of marriages changing for the good as the wife begins to live out her calling as God has commanded her. I will choose three women and let you know who I chose on next Monday's post!
No Greater Joy just had a great sale on this book and I would love to give three of them to any of you who don't have this book yet because you can't afford it. If you would like to receive one, leave a comment and tell me how this study has changed your marriage so far. I LOVE hearing testimonies of marriages changing for the good as the wife begins to live out her calling as God has commanded her. I will choose three women and let you know who I chose on next Monday's post!
And let them sacrifice the sacrifices of thanksgiving,
and declare His works with rejoicing.
Psalm 107:22
***Please feel free to write quotes that touched you in the comment section or questions and insights you may have!
*Quotes taken from the book.
***Please feel free to write quotes that touched you in the comment section or questions and insights you may have!
*Quotes taken from the book.
Logging you in...
HappyHomemaker · 485 weeks ago
Everyday, I remember to view myself as the woman God gave this man.-Pg 43
---There are many days that I am just going through the motions and taking care of things that need to be done, and often I forget this fact. I need this reminder daily and need to find a way to repeat this everyday. It makes me realize that I am not just the cook or house keeper ect... I am the woman that God gave my husband, all that other stuff isn't as important as being the woman God gave him.
A relationship based on law, rules, willful humility, and formality is death.-Pg 44
-----This hits home for me. I think we often get so caught up in the "rules" that we forget what love is.
From this day forth, starting right now-today-be the woman who honors, obeys, and loves Jesus, by honoring your husband.-Pg 47
----I had a conversation one time with my brother about attending church (this also references the above quote about rules). He told me that I was wrong because I don't go to church. So, I told him the reason. For years, I went to church without my husband and it always felt wrong, like part of me was missing. When I finally stopped going and staying home with my husband, things were better. Now my husband has NEVER told me that I couldn't go to church or never discouraged me from going, but for me, it feels like I am honoring him when I don't. Lots of people don't agree with this, but I don't answer to lots of people, I answer to God and my husband. Anyway after I explained it to my brother, he said well it says in the bible not to stop going to church, and I replied that I know that, but I also know that it says to honor and obey my husband, and it says THAT more than once. He told me "ok but I don't agree with you". So fast forward a year or so and I am talking to his wife and she asks me, well did your husband SAY you can't go to church--- I said nope, but that's not why I don't go and I just refused to have the conversation.
Traits of a Good Help Meet
-She is joyful
-She makes love fun
-She is thankful and content
Pg 48
----I think I need to have this printed up and put somewhere to remind me! I know these three things to be true, because when I am each of these things, our home is so peaceful and when I fail at them, there is tension in our home.
It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house. Proverbs 25:24
And finally, to me the best quote this chapter:
Joy is often lacking in a woman's life because she isn't thankful. - Pg. 48
P.S. I already have a copy, so please take my name out of the drawing!
Talita · 485 weeks ago
Men will be men and the secret in the heavenly is to follow God's ways and not our own thinking. And the same will go for woman.
Am I right if I understand the scripture correctly that God will change our husband's hearts through us wives being submissive? It does change their hearts indeed. So why do we want to keep blessings from ourselves by seeing righteousness through our own eyes and not depending on God?
Brit · 485 weeks ago
Talita · 485 weeks ago
Daniela · 485 weeks ago
Ken · 485 weeks ago
Jesus came to take us out of the box of sin, and more so the box that says that each time someone does something wrong against me, or simply is wrong, they need to be punished by us. Are we not so ever grateful that our Heavenly Father is so gentle and kind that He has decided to forgive ALL of our sins and never to punish us?
Discipline is a different story, when done properly, with the proper authority to do it, and with the right attitude of love, which God has for us when He disciplines us. But punishment needs to disappear from Christian homes and the opposite of punishing is a merry heart, full of joy, thanksgiving and forgiveness, modeling Christ for all to see.
Some people just can't get it, that to win your spouse you first must live up to all of the Christian standards of human decency and love, instead of crawling into your box of self-justification waiting for the other spouse to straighten up before I can respond properly. Two wrongs will never made a right, so use the model of the suffering servant of Christ to win your spouse, all the while asking for common human decency and Christian values in return.
thejoyfilledwife 62p · 485 weeks ago
This is an imperative truth that I learned during the hardest time in our marriage, when there were so many glaring big - deal issues my husband was working through and I had to learn to find the good in him and treat him as the man God called him to be, rather than the man he was behaving like. This takes a tremendous amount of self-control and, at first, it was more strenuous than pulling teeth! But, in not much time at all, I found myself looking at my husband more respectfully and favorably, in spite of his shortcomings, and realized how wrong I had been to ever think that my frustration with my husband was because of anything other than my own choices in how I choose to look at him. When I changed my heart, my husband was resistant at first because he didn't feel that he deserved the grace I was showing him, but it eventually caused him to open his heart up to me in ways he hadn't for a long time. I had to become a safe place for him to come to when he fought his battles. I learned to not become offended so easily and to acknowledge and praise him for the effort he was making. I praised him in front of our children and their admiration and respect for him grew, in spite of the battle behind the scenes. This made him WANT to become a better man because of how we treated him when he wasnt.
Wives need to accept that they have the most amount of power in the relationship to turn things around for good. We must choose daily to control our thoughts, attitudes, and words for the glory of God. In a world where women are increasingly shirking their responsibilities in every area, we must choose to take the necessary step to make our marriages glorious, whether or not our husbands are meeting us halfway.
(I already own a copy of the book, so no need to include me. :-))
Dorothy Leland Langlois · 485 weeks ago
Wives need to accept that they have the most amount of power in the relationship to turn things around for good. We must choose daily to control our thoughts, attitudes, and words for the glory of God. In a world where women are increasingly shirking their responsibilities is every area, we must choose to take the necessary step to make our marriages glorious, whether or not our husbands are meeting us halfway.
We do influence our homes and our family greatly. I have always grimaced at the saying, "If Moma ain't happy nobody is!" because it is true. We are a thermostat in our homes as wives and mothers.
Today's comments have been so good. I really appreciate Ken's input here and I am copying it to my journal.
Mrs.M · 485 weeks ago
Truly you must live as if each time you speak to your husband might be the last. Car accidents, unexpected heart attacks even in young healthy people, and these days even terrorist attacks might very well make today the last day with your husband. If that is the case wouldn't you forgive him, tell him you love him, and give him an extra long hug before he walks out the door? Otherwise you might have the rest of your life as a widow to regret your shortsighted thinking. Get in the habit of reminding yourself every time you tell him goodbye in the morning, or good night before bed that this might be your last chance. Having that perspective on things will truly change your marriage.
Anon M · 485 weeks ago
akline7912 11p · 485 weeks ago
This is HUGE in regards to being happy in marriage! I thought I was a very laid back, easy going woman...until I got married! Then, all of my ugliness started coming out! I didn't even realize how badly I wanted to control my husband until I started examining myself and my own bad attitudes. I was feeling irritated and miserable, and then even more miserable because I wasn't experiencing the peace and joy that I should have been feeling because my hope is in Christ. I had to learn to totally let go of wanting to control my husband and accepting and loving everything about him. I also have to remind myself that I am not perfect. The truth is, life on this earth is short. It is not worth constantly being upset over every little thing. It is better to let go and love! Love God, and love others....when I put my trust in Christ He enables me to walk in love, forgiveness, and peace....no matter what! :)
Kay · 485 weeks ago
I enjoy your blog so much! I once had a copy of this book and was in a study of it at a very small church we were attending years ago. I somehow do not have the book now and I think it would help me to read it again. I don't believe I ever got all the way through it??? the class was cancelled or something. Not sure...have forgotten some through the years, but I would so love to have it and hope you pick my name. God bless you and Ken for your work on this blog and for keeping on keeping on telling us wives to be happy, submissive and loving to our dear husbands!
Kay
Katie · 485 weeks ago
Mrs. G. · 485 weeks ago
I already own 2 copies of the book, the old edition and new edition...so the giveaway can go to another lucky lady :-)
Daniele V. · 485 weeks ago
In this season of my life, each day I remind myself to do those things and I ask help from above for that:
1- Being an agreeable companion for my husband, having joy and trusting in God for everything
2- Being a servant for my husband and children, sacrifying myself (Romans 12.1-2)
3- Being interested in what my husband thinks, says, does
I already have a copy of CTBHH! And thanks a lot for your perseverance in teaching us 😊