Taking Responsibility for Her Own Unhappiness

The best part about this ministry the Lord has blessed me with are the testimonies I get from women whose marriages have been restored, they were able to go home full-time, or they have a deeper walk with the Lord. This testimony is one that has the power to convict and encourage many of you. Read it and learn from her.

Lori,

I'm sure you receive emails like this every day, but I just had to write you and say thank you for your blog and what you are doing to teach us younger wives how to live in God's perfect will. I was on a very sad, dark path and was seriously considering divorce for a long time. While my marriage is still not perfect and I'm sure never will be, I can't tell you how much improvement I've seen by implementing what you teach. The difference is astounding and both my husband and I see and feel a huge difference. 

I am a 31-year old wife living with a 3-year old daughter. My husband and I have been married for four and a half years and have had a rough time from almost the day we married. I remember the few moments before I walked down the aisle; I was nervous and I thought to myself, "It's okay if this doesn't work out; I can always get divorced." What a way to start out a marriage, huh? Unfortunately my parents are divorced, as well as most people in my family, and I grew up with women who were nagging wives. I grew up seeing most first marriages fall apart, but second marriages be semi-successful. I thought that was the road I was destined to take as well. 

There have been lots of issues between my husband and my family, my husband and inappropriate friendships with other women friends, but the biggest issue has been my husband's health. He has a rare form of arthritis, and also fibromyalgia and a few other autoimmune diseases that leave him in terrible pain every single day, not unlike yourself. As I'm sure you can understand, his pain makes him irritable, grumpy, distant, and cold most of the time. We go for long periods of time with no intimacy because he says it just hurts too badly and the pain pills he takes affect his hormones also, I'm sure. I've had to function as a single parent since our daughter was born - he can't sit on the floor with her and play and has missed many milestones because he simply can't get out of bed. If I need a break or a nap, I'm out of luck. Long story short, I've cried and nagged and been frustrated for years trying to get him to eat better, exercise more, see different doctors, be more involved in our lives, be intimate with me, be affectionate. . . .but not anymore. 

As a result of reading your blog, I have a new outlook on life and a new approach in my marriage. I actually had been very familiar with Debi Pearl and all of her teachings before I was married. But when I got married and the harsh realities set in, I forgot many of those teachings and thought that what worked for some Tennessee hippies probably wouldn't work for my marriage and they must somehow have it easier. {I still love Debi Pearl a lot but I find you and your lifestyle more relatable - we don't all have to live in the country and wear dresses and grow herbs in order to follow God's commands, lol}. I thought that I just married the wrong man, I screwed up my life, and I was angry with myself. I thought that I deserved to be happy and surely God didn't want me miserable forever. But now I know that I was responsible for a lot of my own unhappiness, and now that I'm practicing what the Bible and your blog both preach, I have found so much more happiness and contentment than I ever thought possible in my situation. 

I finally started looking at the good around me. My husband kisses me and tells me he loves me every day. He forgives me quickly when we argue. He never forgets a birthday or anniversary. He always assures me that he will be better one day and we will have the life we wanted. He is still able to work from home {for his family business} and I don't have to work and can stay home with my daughter. He wants me to homeschool our daughter when she gets to school age. He wants us all to start going to church together once his pain lessens and he can sit in a pew for an hour. We live in a nice house, drive nice cars, have an over abundance of food and clothing, the list goes on. I was totally blinded to all of the good in life because I was so bitter and hurt by things that have gone on in the past. I still struggle from time to time, but instead of being mad at him every single day, it might be once a month now and I move on quickly. He sent me an email one night when I was asleep saying how happy he was with the way our relationship was going, and how he felt like he didn't have to walk on shells anymore, and how he felt like we are a team now. He used to tell me I was terrorizing him, and I guess I was. I was just kicking him while he was down, stressing him out more, which was only making it harder to get past his pain. 

Now I ask him to let me know what I can do for him; how I can help him, I offer to rub his back, or buy him snacks he likes at the store. I leave him notes to find telling him how much we love him and what a great husband and father he is, what a great provider, how creative he is, etc. I pray for him and our relationship every day. I could go on and on but you get the idea. Thank you so much for your blog and please don't stop writing for us wives. I have gone back and read almost every blog post you've ever written because they all spoke to my heart and I wanted these lessons and truths ingrained as deep into my head as they would go. I still have a long way to go and so does my husband, but at least we are on the right track now and I don't think about filing for divorce every day; I don't nag, I don't pout, I don't drag out arguments for days, I just get over it and love on my husband as much as I can. Even if I have to pray for him and love him through gritted teeth, I make sure I pray for him every day and show my love for him every day. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lori! You've changed my life and the lives of countless other wives. I can't wait until I'm older now so I can teach wives these things. The peace and contentment I've found is incredible and I know God is on His throne and He is in control over my life and marriage and I don't have to change my husband or leave him to find happiness. God bless you!

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.

Isaiah 61:3