Men Being Refused Sexually By Their Wives

If you are not giving your husband sex when he wants it, you are defrauding him according to the Word of God. When men are married to women who are not satisfying their sexual need, they experience anguish because of it. They thought they were going to be able to finally have frequent sex with their wives once they married, but their wives have taken control of this area by refusing to please them in this way.

Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give your selves to fasting and prayer, and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinence.
 1 Corinthian 7:5

Here are two men's thoughts about their wives who have refused to have sex with them.

Man #1: Approximately 25 years for us. There is always a reason not to. Always a reason to wait. She usually won’t say “no” these days, but there’s still never a reason to want me. Never a reason to look forward to me. She pretends to enjoy me for about five minutes, and thinks I can’t see the truth. When a wife wants her husband, she doesn’t wait till the door is shut to show it.

Disrespectful, undermining, she drags her feet, questions everything, and subtly sabotages when she can’t get around what I ask…. she appears to be a martyr and a model submissive wife to everyone else. I get accused of being a lousy husband and possibly abusive. I’ve been depressed for several years now. Couldn’t even get a job. Of course that becomes a reason to be cold, but the problems have been there all along. My heart is torn, but I’m told I’m not spiritual, and that I don’t need anything but Jesus. I have Jesus… He says I need a wife, and gave me a wife — I just want her to be my wife.

Man #2: At work, church, with friends and social functions, I am often viewed as a leader. One that can organize people, create connections, and come away with positive outcomes. I truly enjoy seeing people engage in new ways and come away with new understandings. I love my wife and try to be a help-mate. She is also loving and does many great things in our life together.

So it is with such great sadness and hurt that I feel powerless over our sexual relationship. At work, I feel successful and respected, but when I initiate sexual encounters and am refused I feel small and insignificant. The power she holds over this aspect of my life is crushing to my ego and self-esteem. In all other areas of my life, I think people see a strong, vibrant person. I am scared to be real about this, even with my other male friends. I have struggled with this for so long that it is now affecting my faith. If God is always faithful to us, why do I burn with temptation all the time? If we are called to marry in order to help with our “burning”, then why did I get married? I would feel better being just best-friends with my wife than being married.

A huge aspect of pleasing and loving our husbands is satisfying their sexual need and yes, it is a sexual need that they have. Melissa responded in this way about this article, “We are not commanded to feel love, we are commanded to GIVE love. It is a choice, an action. So is affection and so is sex. You, or at least I, do not have to be ‘in the mood’ to be willing to give that kind of love to your husband. I do not feel dirty afterwards, because it was, in that instance, a giving of a gift to him. He is not taking from me; I am offering myself, or responding in full willingness. I do it to show him love, and also to protect him from the wiles of the enemy, which could lead him astray if I do not lead him to the bedroom enough to satisfy.”

Do not ever use sex as a way to punish your husband, women, for when you do this, you are in sin. If it hurts, talk with a wiser, older woman about it or see a doctor. If your husband is defrauding you, read this post by TheJoyFilledWife.